During my brief foray into single life I tried hotornot's dating area. Several girls 'double-matched,' me but no dates. Seems more like a 'collect pictures of people who find me attractive,' thing.

Hopefully agropyron and/or diva despina will see this thread. I believe they met on match.com.

It's not at all weird that you're excited. I'm excited for you. Meeting people online isn't terribly scary. I met my now ex-boyfriend online, and we definitely had very intense chemistry before we even met in person. I was worried that in real life it would be different, but it wasn't at all. It's a valid way to get to know people.

I've now met others online too, through MySpace and Craigslist. Just friends who I ride in Critical Mass with or play Scrabble with, etc.

Good luck on your date! Let us know how it goes.

I tried it a few years ago. I met one guy who had clearly lied about his height (he'd said 5'7" but he was short even to my 4'11") and he was boring as hell. We had two dates, both of which I arranged and I should never have bothered with the second one, it was a waste of time.

Then I arranged a date with a guy who was a university professor, but who was unable to follow the very simple directions I'd given him to the meeting place (come up the escalator from the Tube, and it's there) and went he totally to a different place and then tried to blame me. So we never met and there was no second chance for him.

But I am now jaded and cynical and do not believe I will ever go on another date ever again in my life, so maybe I am not the right person to be answering this question.

It's a valid way to get to know people.
Exactly! It's a way to meet people. It's just like meeting them anywhere else- you'll meet winners and losers. I've done a handful- one guy I had great chemistry with who ended up a good friend, and a few boring dates with guys that I had no chemistry with.

At this point, I'm hoping that it either goes fantastically well, or that it goes so awfully that it's funny.
That's all we can ever hope for.

I met my ex-boyfriend through Friendster. We talked a lot by phone and email for about a week before meeting IRL. When we first met in person it was at a bar at which he was working the door for his friends' band that was playing; he had invited me to stop by. I actually brought a male friend with me - this did not even resemble a date, it was just a chance to meet. The only weirdness was that he had a ton of friends there who probably all knew I was the chick from Friendster. We went on a real date a few days after that, and it was pretty comfortable. I'll never forget that when I came back from the restroom at one point, he told me I should have taken my drink into the john with me because we were still practically strangers and how did I know he wasn't going to roofie me? Valid point.

Good luck!

Yep, gaspode remembered correctly, I did meet my darling wife on match.com. This weekend was the sixth anniversary of our first face-to-face meeting. Hooray for internet dating!

Yes, it can be pretty weird. Especially when your hopes are running high, and there's something odd about them in person, or they smell funny. (Note: This was not the case with Diva Despina!)

And yes, there are a lot of liars and freaks out there. The key to successful internet dating is proper screening.

I have friends who are now married and also met through Match.com. Plenty of happy stories out there!

I met my two-year-and-counting bf through Match.com. Good luck!

Oh yea, my parent's pastor met his wife on eHarmony.com. My mom sort of scoffed, but I'm like, Mom??? Where exactly should a 40 year old pastor meet women, anyway? The only place he ever is is church, and you really shouldn't date from within your flock.... They're very attractive and happy, I think they're trying to get in the eHarmony ads.

When I first moved to Cleveland to go to law school I created a profile on Match. One of my professors was a match which irrationally squicked me out. He's also a well-known conservative who writes for the National Review, which caused me to question Match's matching abilities.

I met a (or should that be "meta"?) boyfriend through #mefi. Turned out to be a short relationship, but that first meeting in person was fun!

I'm dating a guy I met on nerve.com. He's actually the first person I met on any online service, and I had all of your trepidations and many more, as well. But the truth is, it's very common these days, and it's just plain efficient. You can use the systems to connect with people who have a lot in common with you, but whom you might not otherwise have met because you have different habits or schedules or haunts. You can screen them in advance, and finally and most importantly, you know that they're available (given the benefit of the doubt) and looking. This saves a lot of just plain wasted time.

Though it's hard, I think it's really, really important to keep expectations in check before you meet. Phone and e-mail chemistry is one thing, physical chemistry is another. Once you meet, you're pretty much starting over the getting-to-know-you process, no matter how much you've talked. I emphatically wouldn't say that lack of immediate physical chemistry is a death knell -- if you like the person, they're worth a few tries at least. But don't let your fantasies of their wonderfulness set you up for a disappointment. They're going to be human and imperfect and in no way will they embody every ideal you've ever imagined. Fortunately, love doesn't depend on perfection. Shouldn't, anyway.

My friend Rachel met her fiance on Match. I know I have heard several other similar stories but can't think of any now. Also, I think the older you are, the more normal internet dating is.

I'd be willing to throw up a profile on Match.com and be a guinea pig for anyone interested in the results - it'd be fun and I've never done it before either.

Some duds, some dates, some friends. Same as any other way of meeting people. It's the modern world.

I used nerve.com, but that was about 5 years ago, so I don't know if it's changed. I should probably try it again.

Is eHarmony mainly for christians, or would it be possible to meet a secular rationalist, polyamory-friendly, queer-friendly scientist/geek on there?

A former boss of mine met his wife through Match.com. But he sorta looks like a chubby Chris Mullin (of whom he keeps a picture in his office)--so, it must've been weird for her.

I met my bf here in MeCha and so far so good. The face to face meeting was a bit odd at first (for me anyways) but things normalled out quickly.

I've heard a lot of good things about eHarmony but none of my close friends have ever tried it.

eHarmony told me that I couldn't be helped. They said 1 out of 5 people are hopeless and well, I was just that 1 out of 5. I'm kind of proud of that actually. I met a few people through match.com a couple of years ago but nothing ever clicked; they were nice enough, but no physical chemistry. Recently I tried Act for Love - and I got nothing. Nada, no winks, no interest, no emails, no nothing, and that depressed me so much that I've given the whole thing up.

My secular rationalist friend said he hated eHarmony because it kept trying to hook him up with Christians. He had chosen "Do not want children", and it was always giving him high match rating with women who wanted children.

Is eHarmony mainly for christians, or would it be possible to meet a secular rationalist, polyamory-friendly, queer-friendly scientist/geek on there?

There has been lots of talk about their screening process (I'm sure AskMe/MeFi has a few threads on it), but I didn't find it too difficult. I answered all their questions consistent with a "secular rationalist" perspective and I got through the screen no problem.

I think you'll have more trouble with the "polyamory-friendly" and "queer-friendly" aspects. I don't remember it asking if I were -friendly anything (as in, am I bigot or not), but it did ask about my personal practices. I'm not polyamorous or queer, so I passed the screen.

I'm pretty sure eHarmony only matches up opposite sex pairings.

I actually met my second girlfriend on nerve.com, and we dated for about 6 months. Apart from that, the pool of potential dates on these things is exceedingly small if you live in a small town like Portland. While flipping through match a couple days ago, I realized that I'd already emailed pretty much everyone who I though I'd like to meet, and hadn't recieved any responses. OTOH, it sure beats approaching stangers in a public place - I have no idea how that's supposed to work. When I'm at a pub, I want to be left alone, so I can talk to my friends without being bothered. For the most part, the result of my dates has been mutual disinterest.

I just checked out my 10-mile radius on Act for Love....and it's identical to Nerve.com. Same, exact. It must be just another portal to Spring Street personals.

Has any one tried Google Romance? I noticed it the other day and I was curious.

I thought Google Romance was a total joke.

perhaps not funny

Is eHarmony mainly for christians, or would it be possible to meet a secular rationalist, polyamory-friendly, queer-friendly scientist/geek on there?

It's pretty much for Christians. You can fool it if you lie about some of the questions it asks, though. I'd second nerve.com as well, as the questions asked really draw out personality.

Nerve seems to attract a generally hipper clientele.

Nerve seems to attract a generally hipper clientele.
I'll second that.

Miko, did you chat on nerve.com, or merely have an ad?

I've met tons of great people in the past 10 years of doing online dating. Dozens of terrific women who I absolutely would otherwise not have met. Had many short term relationships and a few long ones as well.

having spent so many hours on e-mail and phone before the date, but without ever seeing their eyes, or how they smile.

Well, from my experience, this is a mistake. Always always always meet ASAP, otherwise you're just creating a different person in your head. I've had back and forths for a while with women and then I meet and we both know in 5 minutes it ain't gonna happen. No chemistry. There's also people who have mailed me and I look at their ad and think 'meh' but they've been bold enough to just flat out ask for a drink and I've met them and it's been great.

Do your best to meet someone after3 or 4 mails, max. If someone's winked at me or hotlisted me or mailed, I generally hit them with a "drink?" email right off the bat and, if their ad seems bold and they seem confident, I'll ask in an initial email. Once even sent "drink?" as the subject and "What do you say?" as the entire email and it worked.

Meet meet meet!

Oh, and I use Nerve, but it sucks lately.

I didn't chat, just had an ad.

Dobbs' advice is good. Meet ASAP.

I didn't chat, just had an ad.

Dobbs' advice is good. Meet ASAP.

I didn't chat, either. I had an ad for a while.

I would be looking for an opposite-gender relationship, but by queer-friendly I mean they should have a bunch of queer friends and be familiar with queer issues.

I chatted on Nerve. . .miss it. . .a fun place to chat.

Chemistry is something that cannot be conveyed through anything other than face-to-face interaction. Even then, it's seldom ever mutual, but it's better to figure that out quickly. I've been corresponding with someone from match for over four months now, as friends, that is. She contacted me because she wanted to get to know people in the town she's moving to. While emailing has certainly been interesting, it's anyone's guess if we'll like oneanother at all, or completely hate eachother if we ever actually meet.

Finally, I feel I ought to point out that any comparison of the experiences of men seeking women to women seeking men is going to be apples and oranges.

What TPS said. And I met Mrs chewie and a couple of others on planet out but that doesn't sound like your team :). Celebrating year 6 as we speak.

It can be fun as long as you keep in mind that it's not cemented in, well, cement on the first dates.

I'm very happy to hear it's just like regular dating, except with the weirdness that you sorta know the person a little, beforehand.

I've never done this before, so I was just hoping for some reassurance that it's not that weird, and that it sometimes works. Really... anything other than dozens of horror stories in a row would've pleased me :-)

Looks like there's some success stories, some failures... that sounds perfect :-)

I've been trying not to build any image of my date, despite the one-a-day e-mails that have been in play since the phone call where I asked her out. (a phone call that lasted a shocking 3.5 hours, and left her physically sore from laughter.)

I've also tried hard to keep her from building wrong images with my e-mails... hopefully I've succeeded.

Less than 48 hours to go time! Hopefully I'll come back with a story that's heartwarming, hilarious or both :-)