Oops... all that was supposed to be here.... inside.

:-(

I kind of did this, and so did both my parents. We all got four year degrees afterwards. I think some people (like me) just aren't ready for college straight out of high school.

I got a job, and in hating it found the motivation to go back to school and kick some ass academically. I hope your son does too, Doohickie.

Doohickie, sometimes you gotta let them do it the hard way. This may be one of those times.

Thanks, cali. I would like to believe that is what my son will do, but I'm trying not to project my wishes and desires onto his life. HE's the one that's gotta project that stuff.

Funny, thing, trondant... the grades seem to have taken all the tension away. There's no talk about going back there. Turns out that even though he took a leave of absence, he really saw it as a final leaving when we came back.

(I was the one that was talking about going back; I guess I was in denial that my son wasn't entirely successful at something.)

You should just kill him.

On the other hand, he'll have invaluable life experiences and gain common sense he'd never find in all the stacks of the highest library and probably find himself and his real path in the process.

But me, I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me? I still have two or three semseters to go after all these years.

Not necessarily a bad thing, just different than we expected.

This is really the key thing to keep in mind. The one-size-fits-all "go to college for 4 years, get job, make life" model just doesn't fit for everyone. That's okay -- indeed, that's fine. I know a number of people who made their way into careers and adulthood by taking a different route. He sounds like a truly good kid, and you certainly sound like a supportive and loving and wise parent -- and on that score, you're miles ahead of the game than a lot of people who aced college out of the gate! :)

I finished college in 4 years. In the top... uh.... 2/3 of my class. ;- )

Oh man, I've dropped out of college so many times I've literally lost count. I'm up to 4, I think. I'm still not done, and I am about to sign up for another ride on the bronco.

I am firmly convinced that college straight after highschool is a terrible, terrible idea for many kids. It's essentially wasted; with few exceptions I believe that 18 yearolds don't really know why they're going to college, beyond some sort of ill-defined cultural inertia and parental expectation. (and the sex and booze and Xbox marathons.) Undergrad education these days is a perverse machine that prides itself in ignoring its' customers because without the collegiate stamp of approval, a person is a worthless, futureless, economically powerless prole doomed to a life of jobs that require a nametag on the uniform shirt.

So long as there isn't anyhing catastrophic going on - addiction issues, mostly - then I think your son is simply finding his wings. As you've wisely identified, it is part of growing up.

A parting thought - Do encourage him to finish before he hits 30 or so.. After a decaade of professional work, the prospect of going back to fulfill distributional requirements about "The Reign of the Phallus: Masculine Hegemony in Ancient Greek Art" will seem increasingly irrelevant, while the interesting classes will all be graduate level and therefore unavailable. Ask me how I know this.

Inspirational trivia: Buckminster Fuller was kicked out of Harvard - twice.

I almost flunked out my first year of college. I was miserable. I wasn't ready for college and should have waited. I finished in 4 consecutive years like a good little girl. Got my paper and all that.

He's gotta find his own way.

I did something similar. Joined a fraternity in my first semester, and flunked out after my third (0.03 gpa!). I went to the local community college and re-took a bunch of classes (with smaller classrooms ending up being the key for me), re-enrolled at the 4-year in 2 semesters later, switched my major from business to English Lit, and graduated 6 years after starting. My final GPA was above 3.0 by then.

My father wasn't nearly as patient and understanding as you seem to be. Good for you, Doohickie And good luck to your son.

Good plan. I bombed in college after 2 years and never went back. Unless you want your son to become me, push him to stay in school.

I did a year of university, left then did my degree at night school a few years later. Many (most?) kids have no idea about what they want to do with their lives or what career to follow at 18, 19 years of age. A break is probably a good thing right now for your son.

My late boyfriend had two sons, a year apart. The older boy, straight A student, valedictorian of his class, pick of a whole bunch of Ivy League schools.

The younger boy, just as clever, has, er, not followed the same path, in trouble with the law (possession of pot, driving licence violations) and I'm seriously thinking of sending him that link to the article about how straight guys need to find themselves a protector in prison, hoping it might act as a wake-up call, he's a sweet-looking kid, he's 18 but looks 15 and I dread to think what'd happen if he ended up in prison ...

Anyway, what I'm saying is that this will all work out as it's meant to for your son, the choice he made of the college in Iowa was not the right one and he's young enough and smart enough to start over again.

It can be rough at first, feeling a little "directionless." I dropped out of law school years ago and felt lost for awhile, but in the long run, it was the best thing I could've done, for me. It's good he has such supportive parents. Best of luck all around.

It'll all be OK, Doohickie. Just remember that and remind him of that.

I mentioned before that I failed out, went back and rocked the house. In retrospect I'm surprised anyone goes through college straight through. I was 17 when I started college, which means I was 16 years old when I sent out the applications. How the hell could I possibly have known how I wanted to spend my life at 16?

Anyway...often the most interesting and useful things are located off the well-worn path. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a reason for this. Years from now, he may very well say "If I hadn't left college I wouldn't have _____." I know I do.

I failed and still haven't gone back and have no real plans to. I only went in the first place because my mom kept harping on me to (immigrant upwardly mobile ambition and all that good shit) and somehow I got into a fairly well regarded college. Nothing about my college experience was typical, although my love for NYC came into full bloom during that period. But because I was such a fuckoff in high school, I was woefully unprepared for college. Which is a roundabout way of saying maybe you should ask your son how much he's really into the whole college thing.

Best wishes to your son, Doohickie.