and has successfully blossomed to ... whatever it is next. Love?

Is it length of time? How about a 3 month crush?

Is it lust giving way to ummm... less yearning thoughts?

Is it thinking of a person 24/7? Even dreaming about them?

Is it recurring mood swings? As in suspicion that they might ridicule you if they knew followed by joy that you've met this person followed by sadness that you are not with them?

Please note that the crush in this hypothetical scenario does not know of your feelings and you have no wish of telling them!

The taste of blood in your mouth?

So you're really asking, What is Love? I have no fucking idea.

omg LT! You had me look it up to make sure. I *always* misspell words that sound similar (to me). As in crush and crash. Boy, I got scared there.

Untill you spend plenty of time together and build a sense of trust, and make it more than one-sided, it's a crush. Love needs to be based on empirical understanding of another person, not just a mental image you have of them. That experience can only be gained from extensive interaction with a mutual understanding of feelings.

So, I started this comment several times and couldn't figure out how to say it. Then, pi said it for me. Thanks, pi.

I think "crush" is different than "in love," though, and I think you can be in love with someone on a one-sided basis.

I'm not sure where the dividing line is, though. I guess "crush" implies that giddy, can't concentrate, giggly feeling; "in love" with someone you're not actually involved with sounds more like a quiet background noise sort of thing.

But everything carmina mentions sounds like "crush" to me. I hate it when crushes get to that soul-killing painful point, though.

Actually, I had one that did, finally decided it wasn't worth it, and just somehow rationally decided to end the crush. A friend said that he could actually see me turn it off.

About a week later the ex-crush asked me out.

oh, well. thank you for playing along despite my general (and honest) cluelessness. Thank you for not being judgmental, at least those of you who were not. FWIW, (and in a totally non-apologetic tone) I have not done anything to be ashamed of, but in a long-term relationship with a routine, routinely built into it, thoughts happen.

I see pi's point and I agree in a way, you grow into loving someone.

I also can tell occhiblu has a point about being able to "end" it, I s'pose I need to get around to it, huh?

On second thought, maybe this post was not such a bad idea after all...

Sound to me like you're asking about what I'd call "infatuation", not a "crush". The latter is related to the former; but I've always thought the word "crush" to refer to a mild infatuation from afar—something that precedes a relationship and doesn't coexist with one.

As far as determining the difference between love and infatuation in the context of a developing relationship...that's hard to know at the time, though it always seems obvious in retrospect.

In my opinion, love isn't built around that giddy obsession, both emotional and sexual, that characterizes infatuation. I'm not saying that there's not such characteristics in a love affair, just that they don't define and dominate it. If it defines and dominates it, then I think you're still in the infatuation phase.

thanks, EB

I was rather influenced (in many ways) by a young adult book I read that talked about crushes "crushing you flat, like a pancake." Many of mine have eventually gotten to the point where they really do hurt. The "suspicion that they might ridicule you if they knew followed by joy that you've met this person followed by sadness that you are not with them" thing, where it actually physically hurts to be in the same room with them, because you know it's not going to happen -- ick.

I like the minor crushes that just make your day nicer. The big fat awful hurty ones, though, are no fun.

The minor crushes are what make socializing with the opposite sex so much fun. The big fat awful hurty ones are why we self-medicate with alcohol.

The minor crushes are what make socializing with the opposite sex so much fun. The big fat awful hurty ones are why we self-medicate with alcohol.

I would like to mark this as best answer.

CRUSH ALL HUMANS!
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You know one way or the other when you sleep with the other person.