artphoto by splunge
artphoto by TheophileEscargot
artphoto by Kronos_to_Earth
artphoto by ethylene





Mecha Wiki

Metachat Eye


IRC Channels



Comment Feed:


03 May 2006

Hit with a tsunami wave of ennui in the frozen aisle at Trader Joe's. [More:] So things are generally pretty darn good in the World of Scody: work's fine, relationship is fine, health is (presumably) fine (no news on scan is presumed to be good news at this point), family's fine. All-in-all, I lead an excellent life, for which I'm immensely grateful. And yet, standing there in the frozen food aisle at TJ's about 20 minutes ago, I was hit with a wave of existential ennui so strong that I was quite seriously tempted simply to drop all my food on the floor and walk out the door into traffic. Weird. (Home now, and can't even bother to take my jacket off or put the chicken I bought in the fridge, much less contemplate the utterly pointless-seeming act of making dinner.) Meh.
Thank god I'm not the only one who experiences this!
posted by pieisexactlythree 03 May | 21:59
I got hit with a crushing wave of despair around 7.15, but that could have been because it was 7.15 and I was moving on my tenth hour of work and my fifth hour of staring at the same spreadsheet.

Maybe something's going around.
posted by Fuzzbean 03 May | 22:00
Scody, for your bennefit, I'll transcribe a Roz Chast cartoon from the New Yorker a couple weeks ago:

What to Expect When You're Alive

The 461st Month:
You might find yourself taking all your mail and dumping it down the incenerator chute. Don't worry - it's normal.

The 543rd Month:
During this month, it's possible that you will hate everyone you've ever met. This will pass.

The 612th month:
Don't be alarmed if you should suddenly find yourself start to wonder - no, REALLY start to wonder - about everything. It's very common in your condition.
posted by pieisexactlythree 03 May | 22:06
Hee hee, thanks pie! Normally I would say I love Roz Chast, but right now of course I can't muster up any feeling. (Fave Roz Chast cartoon from many years ago: "Late-Night At the Insomniaplex," in which "EBOLA!!!!" is playing on several screens.) I want an incinerator now, just to dump all my mail down it.
posted by scody 03 May | 22:10
They say suicide is usually a momentary impulse.

I understand the impulse. But I also understand that the impulse passes and then I remember that I don't believe in heaven or hell and that I'd really miss alot of stuff if I were dead. And I'd miss my family way too much.

I find that being around little kids (the happy kind) is a really good way of banishing those thoughts. Also, I look at this picture and can't help but grin like a doofus.
posted by fenriq 03 May | 22:42
Sending me your mix CD can give you a reason to keep on going!
posted by matildaben 03 May | 22:42
Thank god. I've felt this way all week, but it's been crushingly bad today. Glad others are having similir problems (not glad that you're unhappy; you know what I mean).
posted by occhiblu 03 May | 22:43
I am now in my 13th hour at work after 3 hours of sleep on the slowest day of the week. Ennui hangs in the air like an oil-fire fog. I can taste it. It tastes like blood from my own mouth. I am considering building a small bonfire on my desk, taking off my pants or scooping out my eyeballs with a letter opener or staple remover.

The most interesting thing so far today was touching off cigarette butts in the ashtray outside and watching them smolder. That even wins out over the skater kids who managed to wrangle me into going inside the closed campus/building and retrieving water for them.

I still have 2 hours to go.

The only thing I want at this point is home + belt of vodka + book + eventual sleep so I can get more then 3 hours before I do this insane shift again tommorow.
posted by loquacious 03 May | 22:43
(matildaben, you haven't gotten the mix yet? I sent it last weekend! Perhaps the package is also caught in a vortex of nothingness...)
posted by scody 03 May | 23:30
scody - anything unusual happen today that might have triggered some kind of change in your body chemistry?

is it the anniversary of something (May 3rd, think... think...)?

I'm often amazed at how fragile the web of meaning of life is. Everything seems so solid and in place, and then one event comes along and just unravels all that certainty and purpose that seemed so clear just a few hours ago.

If you don't want to have dinner, is there anything you *would* like to do? I find a nice steaming hot bath helps me in oh,so many ways...

posted by Jasper 03 May | 23:51
Jasper, thinking about the anniversary thing is a good's about a month away from the anniversary of both my maternal grandparents' death (they died within a few weeks of each other -- she in early June, he in mid-June), plus I've got lilacs in the house, which always remind me of grandma. So I wonder if that's on the brain. It's been 6 years now and I have to admit sometimes I feel like I'll never stop missing them so badly.

Also, I weaned myself off (very gradually -- like over the course of a couple of months!) my antidepressants about 2 or 3 months ago. Interestingly, I felt no side effects at the time (I was all "OMG, I'm off antidepressants for the first time in 7 years and I feel awesome!") maybe this is a belated little twinge of that.

I did actually finally make dinner -- chicken dijon, my favorite. Though the sauce didn't thicken properly. Oh the humanity! ;)
posted by scody 04 May | 00:03
(oh, and fenriq, thanks for that pic -- adorable! I must say, there's nothing that's guaranteed to make me smile as much as pictures of goofily grinning toddlers.)
posted by scody 04 May | 00:06
oh Scody - you never got my email?
posted by Hellbient 04 May | 00:18
hellbient -- nope, don't think so... maybe stupid spam filters scooped it up? Or maybe it just fell into THE EXISTENTIAL ABYSS. Anything is possible. But send it again!
posted by scody 04 May | 00:27
Mmmm... lilacs!
posted by Wedge 04 May | 07:48
...I don't believe in heaven or hell and that I'd really miss alot of stuff if I were dead. And I'd miss my family way too much.

so you do believe in an afterlife? or...?
posted by Wedge 04 May | 07:50
let me just say i went to bed at 10:30pm last night- not so much out of tiredness as just not having anything to do after Lost went off.

Then I slept til 9am and I was still tired.
posted by drjimmy11 04 May | 18:35
Can I just also say that the Postal Service (the band) can kiss my ass? it's a long story, but it's not because I dont like their music.
posted by drjimmy11 04 May | 18:36
[oops, was that one of those "derail" thingies I keep hearing about? it was supposed to tie into the theme of "ennui"]
posted by drjimmy11 04 May | 18:37
Lost nerds... || Nerds Rejoice!