*notices other post*

Goddamit

Oy. Double-post, horrible swear spelling.... from here on out, this is the Embarrass Mike thread. I've given it a good start; join in!

*flagellates self*

Quick, somebody pants me!

I farted during the SATs. True story.

I was in McDonald's after playing racquetball with some friends. I was at the counter ordering and my best friend (at the time) totally pants me right there in the restaurant. My reaction? I slapped him. That's right. It wasn't bad enough that my shorts were around my ankles; my instinctual reaction to the situation was to open-hand SLAP my friend. Oh yeah.

slapping is much more fun than punching. it's so satisfying.

*slaps mike9322*
*wedgies mike9322*

I was the "smart kid" in school. In second (third?) grade, the teacher knew I'd get 100s on all the spelling quizzes, so she just had me administer them. Lazy bitch. Anyway, I was giving out the words, and, after a particularly hard one, one of the kids said "Could you spell that?", and I totally did. My teacher looked on with an incredulous what-the-fuck-are-you-doing look. Oops.

One time, I created a birthday thread for a bunny when someone else already had earlier in the day.

I was in McDonald's after playing racquetball with some friends. I was at the counter ordering and my best friend (at the time) totally pants me right there in the restaurant.

I bet nobody ordered a quarter pounder with cheese after that.

I'm pretty much out of stories. It's almost impossible to embarrass me. Shameless, I am. I tried, though - these were the best I can do.

Ooh, a good one! Warning: it's going to get geeky.

I was writing a trigger on the biggest table in our database - it had millions of rows. During my testing, I was having big problems; after much troubleshooting, I realized I had left a WHERE clause off my UPDATE statement, meaning every change made to the table updated every row in the table. I fixed it, and everything worked fine.

Fastforward to release day, probably about a month later. All the new code goes out. We immediately start having major problems. The servers are chugging along, and the DBA can't increase the size of the transaction logs fast enough to keep up with their growth. Every programmer is scrambling to figure out what the fuck. Finally, SIX HOURS of production downtime and lost sales later, I found the trigger I had updated, and it was the old version, without the WHERE clause. I had totally forgotten about the problem because so much time had passed. I have no idea how the old version of the code got out. I sheepishly told my boss it was my fault. I'm really lucky he was cool as hell.

That's my worst programming-related fuck up. I hope I never top it.

I could never be the person who writes air traffic control or missile guidance code.

*is having more fun with this thread than he probably should*

This is why I said "First" birthday post. I knew she was popular with boys.

Well, they keep coming to me...

College. Crew practice. We were doing a workout where we'd row hard on the machines for like 500 meters, then run down the gym hall, up the stairs, back down the hall, down the other stairs back to the machines, and repeat the whole process over and over. Very intense workout. We were on the upstairs portion running along, when all of a sudden I just vomited. Everywhere, and with no warning at all. I was so humiliated. While I took a minute to recover, one of our coxswains (the tiny people who sit at the stern and call out the stroke count, and also handle steering since the rowers can't see where they're going) got some paper towels and started cleaning it up - and that somehow made it worse for me. My respect for her grew by leaps and bounds that day, though.

It was the last day I took my vitamins before my workout.

Happy birthday, Mike's cats!