I have resorted to watching movies tagged "cats" on YouTube. This is probably good for another 6-10 minutes. Help me.

Wank.

Awwwwwww. I am jealous.
Enjoy the angst.

Scarabic, dude, man to man, I just have to tell you: you are so cute!!!

I am also jealous. Enjoy it, it's a fun time!

I did consider that course of action, crash. Amazingly, I have no interest. What is up with that? I thought that's what wanking was for. When wanking fails... what a terrifying fate! I mean, if there's one thing that's always there for you...

A good way to pass the time is to click refresh obsessively on the MeCha thread you've just started.

If nothing else, you hear that seething sound all around you? Yeah, that? That's pure unrefined jealousy, baby, and you also get to enjoy that while you're at it. :)

"How does it become so impossible to be apart from someone you've only just met?"

scarabic, the really kewl thing is when you feel like that after you've been together 22 years.

/sappy

*hugs scarabic*

That's awesome, I'm so totally stoked for you! I usually get through this stage by walking into immovable but clearly marked objects, staring at the wall, putting my toothbrush in the icebox and the toothpaste in my sock drawer. Also picking things up and putting them back down, absentmindedly; sometimes looking at them as though I've never seen them before.

And talking about it. A lot.

Anything you want to share with us? Or would that possibly weird her out?

*does exotic fan dance again*

Not too much to share, really. She's extremely cool. We seem to have hit it off. And I just have this response to her. I'm pretty exacting about sizing up people's qualities as potential mates, but there's an entirely uncalculated reaction in her case. She meets all the "requirements," but I really didn't know that when this whole autonomic reflex shit took hold. Every time she says the right thing, it's not like I'm scratching my beard saying "hmm... she's pretty cool," I'm wiping the sweat from my brow saying "sweet lord thank god she said the right thing AGAIN." At this point I think I've cleared all the major gotchas off the table but my fingers are crossed tight enough to snap nonetheless.

Talking about it is only working me up.

I appreciate the "jealous" comments but I really have no idea why you'd envy someone feeling completely ecstatic and terrified at the same time. Pretty intolerable shear going on there. Did I mention I just met her? I have no idea where this is going... Every fiber is straining NOT to enjoy the moment, NOT to think positive, because that would carry me away right now and I'd lose the ability to get to know her in an honest and genuine, undemanding and undistorted way. Dramatic romance is all well and good but I believe more in bliss that sneaks up on you after growing organically with the right amount of time, respect, freedom from expectations and demands.

Oh... who am I kidding? I just spilled my guts on MetaChat. I'm committed to this enterprise! Back to dancing in my room. I wish it would rain right now. There are times when that's the only thing that's enough to really precipitate a complete emotional release for me (pun unintended but I'll take it).

It rained like hell this morning, which was a relief, because it's garbage/recycling day on my block and the downpour kept the bottle-gatherers from crashing and clanking down the street until after the sun was up.

Another point: what the hell do you do for a date when you're in this state of just wanting to kiss someone's face constantly? The thought of going to a movie or museum seems contrived and pointless, but I know it's a good idea to keep doing things, getting to know each other, having conversations that consist of more than confessional whispers.

A superhuman effort of self control is the only thing keeping me from submitting a pessimistic post.

Good for you scarabic!

For your last question - any botanical gardens/conservatories? Full on makeout session (+?) among the flowers?

When was the last time you felt so alive -- and so glad to be?

Of course we're jealous, silly.

Good god.

It's been so long I only kinda remember what that was like.

Ice cream helps...

I wish I could say I don't know how you feel, man!

Oh... who am I kidding? I just spilled my guts on MetaChat. I'm committed to this enterprise! Back to dancing in my room.

Wish I could help you out of date suggestions, but I've never been much of a couples dater. Those four sentences are great, however.

Falling ass-over-crown isn't actually all that unusual, in my experience.

Performing those acrobatics for someone who's worth it, and with longevity, is.

Here's wishing you all that.

Yay.

Yeah, this is kind of the weird thing, mudpuppie. I've had the big passionate THROB with the person who just happens to appeal to my senses the most, and that's usually a short-lived thing and a bad idea. I've actually experienced that again recently, and amazingly enough I had the good sense to identify it as the wrong thing and not chase it.

What strikes me different about this situation is that she's the safest choice I could have made, and yet the one that moved me the most. The confluence of those things strikes me like winning two different lotteries on the same night. They seemed like conflicting influences, a natural trade-off, safety vs. passion, but there's something about her that has overturned that dynamic, one I'd quite resigned myself to. I'm definitely out of my depth, beyond my expectations.

She actually just called. Almost the first thing she said was "have you seen the moon tonight?" [sigh] little does she know my name translates to a phase of the moon and it's one of my sacred objects. I walked out back and we had a moment gazing at it together. We agreed that we absolutely could not care less what we actually do tomorrow, as long as we get to spend time together. I could hear the excitement in her voice. My heart is fluttering like a clinging leaf on windy day right now. I MUST remember not to burst into tears as soon as I say hello to her tomorrow.

I am going to go melt now. Thank you for your support, all. I will report back.

Scarabic? Good on you. All the best.

That's the way it was with my husband... We lasted about three months that way before the date that never ended. I mean, somehow, before that day we still had "separate lives" we were "dating" or something (but basically it was really just sort of spending our time between seeing each other in the manner you describe), then... suddenly we were never apart again. No decisions, no discussions, no planning... and there was nothing safe about it, for all sorts of reasons.

Anyway, that date was 16 years ago last month, and we're still on it. As far as what to do with that climbing-out-of-your-skin energy... I used to spend my time dreaming up gifts for him; not an I-buy-your-love thing, but joy offerings... a book or cd of particular significance, flowers, oranges, something I cooked, art. It was all really "This is my heart, please take it". And he did. Yay!

taz, that's really wonderful. Comments like yours and crash's are incredibly inspiring.

Comments like this:

I MUST remember not to burst into tears as soon as I say hello to her tomorrow.

break my heart wide open with their beautiful earnestness. scarabic, thanks for sharing this here & so openly; we're rooting for you all the way.

awww! scarabic, this is a wonderful time in life and such feelings and thoughts are so precious. Enjoy!

I, for one, envy crash and taz more. I'd really wish I could be this way. In constant love with this one particular person. For years. Here, I thought it was utopic but it seems I am doing something wrong... Looking forward to meeting you taz!

The softer side of scarabic!

Good luck yo!

That is so wonderful scarabic!!!! This happened to me and Mrs Chewy, too. and we're 6 years into it also. I think what MCD said is spot on:

scarabic, the really kewl thing is when you feel like that after you've been together 22 years.

YAY!!

≡ Click to see image ≡

taz, crash, chewy and all - thanks for the inspiration! You guys are lucky, blessed, doing something right... Part of me would love to just fast-forward to year 22 of domestic bliss. I can hardly imagine such a deep rightness between two pepople. But I'm sure that the getting there is a joy to be savored.

scarabic, I am happy for you. I always enjoy your RelationshipFilter comments, so I know she should be feeling as lucky as you. I hope it lasts and lasts.

My question, though, is: is this what we all need to be waiting for? What if things don't feel quite as crazy intense? Is this a necessary prerequisite to true, real love? If you never encounter exactly this mutual fascination with someone, have you just not found that match? Or are there other ways of beginning in love that work out as well?

This is so excellent. Keep after it!

I came here to post what taz did, essentially. This is exactly how it was when I met my husband. (granted, we haven't been together 5 years yet, unlike their 16). But it took 2 or so years for us to stop having conversations like "can you believe it? can you? I mean, here you are and here I am and holy shit, can you believe it?!?" Objectively, every single thing that I ever thought I would want in a person was there with him, but then there was also so much more.

This is an awesome post, scarabic. Because I'm happy for you and also it's filling me up with joy about my own relationship. yay!

Last time that happened to me (six years ago, I guess) I couldn't stop moving. I danced around the house. I went running. When I was in my car, I drove around with the music cranked up, hair flying, singing at the top of my lungs.

What a great feeling. I'm so glad you're there, dude.

scarabic, you are in such a wonderful, and wonderous, place - cherish it.

The update, in a nutshell: OMG. I got no sleep that night. It's too early for sex but my contingency overnight bag DID come in handy! I can't remember the last time I stayed up literally all night just making out. My eyes were very dark the next day and I was really sleepy, but happy nonetheless.

We're just struggling to take this at a reasonable pace now. There's no question about which way it's going. I've got nothing against falling in love quickly. But there's no point in rushing straight to sex, commitment, big promises, etc. There's much to enjoy in the early stages, pleasures you'll never be able to have again. I'm trying to enjoy those as much as possible and take care of each other's sanity and boundaries along the way. I'm keeping a journal of "firsts" and such.

We did actually go for a walk in the Japanese Tea Gardens in SF. It was cold out but that just meant fewer people around, and we had to huddle close together for warmth :)

I'm kind of back in that insane zone right now. I will see her as soon as I am able to leave work. most everything I've got going on is well in hand and I COULD just bail early, its being Friday and all. BUT I've got a meeting from 5-6 that I have to stick around for. I'm tapping my toes and biting my nails. And there's no option to watch cat videos or dance around here in the office...

Awesome, scarabic!

ah
sorry

love sucks