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07 March 2006

Rate your social skills on a scale of 1 to 10. Then tell us the ways in which you're socially deficient.→[More:]

I give myself a 6 (though others will probably disagree). I think I'm mostly pretty good, but once in a while I'll say something pretty stupid.
I also don't act cool, but not in a "too cool to be cool" way. More of an "actually not cool" way.
Furthermore, I absolutely hate walking into one of those parties where everyone's mingling, and you've got to either go up and try to work your way into one of the conversations, or chat up one of the other losers who's standing alone.
post by: agropyron at: 14:35 | 83 comments
I'd say about 6. I'm talkative and outgoing, but that kind of works against you in a world where cool seems to equal 'blase.' I'm also not as smooth (esp. with women) as I'd like to be, since I tend to be too obvious I guess, and I also never shut up.
posted by jonmc 07 March | 14:37
6-8.5, depending. I had to learn it all tho, and i still can't talk to a whole group, only 2 others or 1-to-1 really comfortably.
posted by amberglow 07 March | 14:39
I'm a 10 when I want to be, less than that when I don't.

It also depends on the audience. Without changing anything about myself or my manner, I'm better received by engineers and technical types than most others.

I don't see myself as deficient at all. I wouldn't change a thing about myself. It's those other people I'd change.
posted by Eideteker 07 March | 14:40
3
posted by essexjan 07 March | 14:42
Anywhere from a 6-9, depending on amount of alcohol consumed. Me + Booze > Me - Booze.
posted by YouCanCallMeAl 07 March | 14:43
I can't tell you without a very badly written test.

Socially adept
You are 54% Sociable.
Your not a die-hard socialite, but your not afraid to talk to people and you can kick-start a party. You enjoy your friends company and they enjoy yours. You can go out and have a good time, and know just where to draw the line. You generally have no problems being charming and very few people don't get along with you. Chances are you can handle being the centre of attention, wether it's positive or negative attention, and usually have something clever to say and provide interesting conversation. Basically, there's only so many ways I can say you've done well. Keep up the good work, and keep an eye out for shy people, and give them the boost of confidence they need to come out of their shell. Be excellent to each other!
posted by mygothlaundry 07 March | 14:44
Me + Booze > Me - Booze.

As your drunk dialing escapades clearly show.
posted by Eideteker 07 March | 14:45
Being charitable, I'd give myself a 4. (I'm probably more of a 3.)

I can occasionally hold decent conversations with strangers, but it's rare. Strangely, I'm probably even worse at holding decent conversations with friends. And phone conversations? Oh man, I suck at them. Just don't much like talking. Sorry.

I also tend to say really, really dumb and/or insulting things without realizing that they're dumb or insulting. And the cleanup usually just gets me in more trouble.

So I'm about a 3.5.
posted by mudpuppie 07 March | 14:46
Getting me into a social situation: 5.
Once I'm actually there: 9.

I'm a lot of fun but sometimes have trouble motivating myself to get out.
posted by mike9322 07 March | 14:46
I'm a 10 in a crowd full of people who don't know each other. I can easily step up and take the reins. But I'm considerably more shy in an established group and tend to sniff the perimeter until I'm invited to join in.
posted by jrossi4r 07 March | 14:47
On that test above, I'm a 71%.

I give myself an 8- I am very outgoing and good at taking the first step to meet new people.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 07 March | 14:48
I'd say about a 7. I'm sympathetic, a good listener, don't talk about myself all the time, can hear and interpret the underlying messages in what people are trying to say, and ask good questions. On the other hand, I'm sometimes short-sighted, hear people saying what I want them to say rather than what they are really saying, can be a bit abrupt with people if I am busy or upset or distracted (although I've learned to apologize afterwards), and am sometimes overly enthusiastic when I've let my guard down. I also have very minimal tolerance for people I think are idiots, and I make that judgment rapidly and harshly. Basically exactly the social skills you'd expect of a former liberal arts major with an engineer deep down inside.

In small crowds of people who know each other: 10
In large crowds of strangers (or people from the sales & marketing planet): 3
posted by matildaben 07 March | 14:49
I think I'd rate about a 4.

Oh, wait! I'm on the Internet. -2.
posted by wimpdork 07 March | 14:49
In unfamiliar territory: 1
With people I know: 5
Within my own family: 7
posted by tommasz 07 March | 14:50
2-3. I'm one of those losers standing alone at a party.
posted by puke & cry 07 March | 14:51
I think I'm an 8 or so...I think my wit is generally enjoyed in social outings, and I tend to be inclined to compliment people easily, and I also apologize readily when I do put my foot in it. I can tease without hurting anyone usually.

Having said that, I sometimes monologue and I think that might keep me from achieving an 9 or 10. Also, I do, on occasion, stick my foot in my mouth.

Oh, and I look lovely in a tutu and have great hair. People seem to like that about me.
posted by richat 07 March | 14:52
On a good day, maybe a five. Otherwise, two or three. I'm almost pathologically shy around people I don't know well. I have no problem speaking in front of groups, but I suck at the small talk. matildaben will back me up on this.
posted by bmarkey 07 March | 14:52
I've been gradually adding about a point a decade, to the degree that I'd now say 8.5-9. But I started out as a 5 or 6 (with occasional spikes in good company) in high school, no joke.

I'm a lot less afraid of people than I once was. At some point I realized that just about everyone is dying to connect and just needs an excuse. There are a few haughty/snooty people out there that are unimpacted, but hell with 'em.
posted by Miko 07 March | 14:53
Around 4 at my best. I'm too shy, and I don't know how to draw people out. I often feel like both Billy Bob Thornton and James Gandolfini in that scene from The Man Who Wasn't There where they were out on the porch in oppressive silence. I'm not the loser standing alone at the party, I'm the guy who said he'd go to get you off his case but then didn't show up. I can't speak in front of groups either.
posted by goatdog 07 March | 14:55
Maybe I'm just more tolerant/understanding of introverts than the average, but I think bmarkey is cool to hang out with and is perfectly decent at making conversation. Maybe he's just a good listener.
posted by matildaben 07 March | 14:55
If I don't like you/youse and will never see you again: Zero.

If I like you/youse AND I've been drinking - 8!!! At least!

I'm not creepy or anything, but I certainly have my issues. I don't have time for strangers. Oh, wait. What was that again? -2?
posted by rainbaby 07 March | 14:55
In unfamiliar territory: 1
With people I know: 5
Within my own family: 7
Sounds about right.
posted by iconomy 07 March | 14:55
bmarkey: we're still getting you out to the Seattle meetup, right? :)
posted by agropyron 07 March | 14:56
I scored 39% on that test. So the 3/10 is about right.
posted by essexjan 07 March | 14:57
I'm with bmarkey.
posted by puke & cry 07 March | 14:57
matildaben: You are too kind.

agropyron: I work weekday nights. No can do.
posted by bmarkey 07 March | 15:01
Pretty shitty.
posted by danostuporstar 07 March | 15:04
66% on the test. Just about right.
posted by YouCanCallMeAl 07 March | 15:05
3 or less for me. Assuming that it is meaningful to lump together and average all social skills. I am very naturally empathic and so when my empathy is heavily involved in my socializing I am quite a bit more adept. Additionally, there are a large number of social skills which I have recognized and aquired via observation and analysis and when I am in a context that allows me to utilize my comprehension of these skills, and when I am motivated to do so, here, too, I am much more adept.
posted by kmellis 07 March | 15:07
When I was younger, I was about a 6 or 7, but once I started writing for Sequential Tart and going to anime conventions, I shot all the way up to anywhere from an 8 to 10. I forced myself to learn to network and work a party room because in the comics biz (and like anywhere) it's totally about who you know and how you know them.

This is also why I think I came on as strongly as I did when I first got here. Gotta establish myself somehow since I don't read/comment on MeFi, right?
posted by TrishaLynn 07 March | 15:11
Oh, and the socially deficient part? Sometimes I can be very, very tactless.
posted by TrishaLynn 07 March | 15:12
dano is better than he pretends. I'm decent, better with people I know. I'm pretty introverted and at some point I just kind of stop enjoying myself and have to leave the situation.
posted by omiewise 07 March | 15:13
(Scored a 51% on that annoying test.)
posted by kmellis 07 March | 15:14
I'm with mudpuppie
posted by ramix 07 March | 15:15
I agree that dano underestimates himself. Or maybe we Mechas just bring out the best. :)
posted by YouCanCallMeAl 07 March | 15:16
*is too shy to post*
posted by Capn 07 March | 15:18
dano is better than he pretends.

Meetups are different than 'real'-life somehow. We do kinda know each other, and we're all in the same boat being "strangers" and weirdos to boot. There's no choice but to interact, that's what we're there for and the alternative is awkward silence.

That's different than constantly wondering if the other people around you think you're a dork.
posted by danostuporstar 07 March | 15:19
8-10. I don't mind one on one, small groups or large groups but I don't think I could get along with the person that wrote that test. I couldn't even make it to the end.
posted by arse_hat 07 March | 15:20
Or maybe we Mechas just bring out the best. :)

That's what's weird about our relationship (so to speak) here. We all know eachother to some degree thanks to all the self-revelation around here, but most of us have never laid eyes upon eachother in the flesh. That does make things a little easier than approaching a random stranger. also a little weirder.
posted by jonmc 07 March | 15:20
Is emode still around? Are most of their tests still free? I think those are more meaningful than the one linked earlier.

I compiled all my various emode results a few years ago. I don't see anything that corresponds exactly with overall social skills.
posted by kmellis 07 March | 15:22
I'd say I'm a 5 to 6. I don't relate well with people I don't know and tend to come off as a jerk to them. I also tend to not like strangers until I get to know them better. And I say dumb stuff frequently especially when nervous.

With my friends though I'd say I'm an 8-9. I have no fear because they're my friends and if you can't be an idiot around your friends then who can you be an idiot around?
posted by LunaticFringe 07 March | 15:25
arse_hat: I finished one page, then closed the browser when I saw that I had answered 5/30.

mygothlaundry did warn us.
posted by agropyron 07 March | 15:26
got a 42 on the test.
posted by puke & cry 07 March | 15:28
I forgot to say where I'm socially deficient.

Probably come on too strong and talk too much sometimes. Can come off as self-centered, even though I'm really trying to establish common ground by sharing information. Can succumb to fierce bouts of shyness and insecurity (rarer and rarer, though). Can be standoffish if I find the company un-stimulating or offensive.
posted by Miko 07 March | 15:28
6.5

Half way between reclusive and gregarious.
posted by moonbird 07 March | 15:33
Um, what miko said. I could have written that. :)
posted by kmellis 07 March | 15:33
When I really try to be social, maybe a 5. Most of the time I am so hermit-like offline that 1 might be pushing it. Funny, when I was younger I would say 9.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs 07 March | 15:33
I used to be an 8 at work, but I've lost my ambition and now run at about a 3 -4. I tend to blame the new co-workers, but there probably only a small part of the problem.

Outside of work, I'm a 7 with people I know well and a 2-3 when the company is less familiar or too large.
posted by mullacc 07 March | 15:33
oh god...s/there/they're
posted by mullacc 07 March | 15:34
Like a 16 or a 17, my only real deficiency is that I am an insufferable braggart.
posted by Divine_Wino 07 March | 15:35
Four, but I'm too shy to tell you why.
posted by King of Prontopia 07 March | 15:36
Yet again, everything that miko says makes me think that she's my long-lost twin sister.
posted by matildaben 07 March | 15:42
Yet again, everything that miko says makes me think that she's my long-lost twin sister.

So, we're triplets?
posted by kmellis 07 March | 15:43
"never laid eyes upon eachother in the flesh"

That may be a good thing... :)
posted by arse_hat 07 March | 15:52
It's true that meetups are easier than "normal" parties. My innate shyness/introversion takes over and I freeze up completely when I have to go to parties - and then I drink too much to overcompensate and then, well, all hell breaks loose, although I am a happy, loving drunk, there is that. Perhaps too loving at times. ;-) And I can, when I have to, do those professional networking events, although I hate them with an undying passion and it takes me a couple days of not seeing people to recover. But meetups? Meetups are just like getting together with a bunch of old friends who I already know I like and trust. They don't scare me. People I've never met scare me. I've met y'all. Hell, I know you better than most of my relatives and some of my friends.
posted by mygothlaundry 07 March | 16:01
Yeah, kmellis, I've noticed that you and I think alike sometimes too.

I'm totally in agreement with mygothlaundry about meetups. I think people at meetups think I'm a lot more wild and social than I really am. I can get quite shy sometimes.

I guess my original answer to this thread was based more on interpreting the question as social *skills* rather than social *ease*, although most people seem to be answering in the "social ease" route instead.
posted by matildaben 07 March | 16:04
So, we're triplets?


Oooh nnoooo! They're multiplying!
posted by Miko 07 March | 16:15
Oh shit, if I have to think of two of my crushes as twins I'll be done for.

(How's that for poor social skills?)
posted by omiewise 07 March | 16:18
I'm socially competent but I'll never be socially proficient. What was that recent introvert essay? Essentially his point was that for introverts the very idea of being social can be draining. We crave good one-on-one connections, but going to a party? Gunpoint. I'm not that bad, but I need someone to encourage me in that regard.
posted by stilicho 07 March | 16:21
I'm weird.

I'm really, really, really good with people... I can almost always make shy people talk and feel relaxed, and I can even often make loudmouths back off, if I'm so inclined. Curmudgeons love me, paranoids trust me, and I make the lame to see and the blind to walk. :)

I almost never feel self-conscious or awkward around people, whether it's one person, or a group, or an audience. People love to talk to me. And any place I go regularly, I usually become something of a favorite... Restaurants, shops, whatever. (Either all this is true, or I'm somewhat psychotic.)

However, I'm not really very sociable in the usual sense at all. I like people, but I need a lot of time alone. A whole lot. Very much.

And I can get bored very easily in static social situations. I'm the most relaxed and happy in a completely fluid atmosphere in which I can come and go completely at will, with absolutely no worries about how long I "should" stay etc. Casual neighborhood pub type things are really nice and easy (sadly, they don't really do that here). Internet works really great that way.

Stuck at a party with no easy way to leave if I want to is one of my hells. People coming to my house and never leaving is worse - it's like the story of the Christian going to the Muslim Hell, the Muslim going to the Jewish hell, etc. It's like hell, but worse.
posted by taz 07 March | 16:22
9, but secretly a 6.

It's part of my job (both as a PR pro and as host of monthly GB Get-Togethers and other events) to be socially outgoing, but I'm actually an introvert. It's something I've had to work hard to overcome.

I'm good at small talk and the social niceties, and I can ad lib in front of a large group (thank you, high school theatre!) I can manage a party or smaller event, and I'm equally comfortable with just about any group. The introversion comes in handy in that I'm a great listener because of it.

Deficiencies: I am terrible about introducing myself to strangers (unless it's my job) and introducing companions to other people. I am absolutely horrible at remembering names -- I once stood in front of a packed room with a microphone and line of people I knew fairly well and proceeded to forget half their last names and actually blanked on one of their first names. That was embarrassing.

On preview: Taz described me (and, of course, herself) to a T. I knew there was a reason I liked her.
posted by me3dia 07 March | 16:38
Good lord. I'm a copy of taz [must. have. escape mechanism.] AND me3dia [me too! HAHAH what was your name?]. May I add that if I am not in the mood to be social, I suck, and many times the door comes down without my even knowing it, and turns people cold. If I'm in the mood to be social, I'm in the 8-9 range. However, I loathe small talk, and have been told many times I'm intense. I'd much rather talk about planets than shampoo. And don't even think about baby showers or weddings. Formal never made it to my vocaulary.
posted by chewatadistance 07 March | 17:01
There is a loose correlation, probably not causative, between extroversion and social facility. I first heard the previously mentioned characterisation of intro/extroversion (socializing is energizing or draining) from my sister and I think it gets to the heart of introversion and extroversion.

But it's not telling us that much about social skills. Additionally, as implied by my earlier comment, the matter of social skills itself is not simple and it certainly makes sense to distinguish between the origin of skills: intuitive or explicitly learned.

At least, this model is most useful for me to evaluate my social skills. There is no across-the-board characterization of them. Some I've very good at, some I'm very bad. Of those I'm good at, some are intuitive, some are explicitly learned.

It's worth pointing out that social skills are matters of cognition, and we generally agree that people differ as to cognitive proficiency. We do think in terms of, and say, that someone is "smart" or "dumb". However, even among those who characterize intelligence the most strongly in that simplified manner, there is still agreement that there is a distinction between various cognitive skills and that a person may be very proficient at one sort of task and deficient at another.

So if we view social skills in the same context as we think of intellectual skills (as I think we should), then we should look at them with the greater nuance we see in other intellectual skills. People are naturally good at different things, and they acquire different skills, and they apply those skills irregularly. It's not that helpful to very simply characterize someone's proficiency at all social skills—that's casting too large of a net.
posted by kmellis 07 March | 17:23
somewhere in the 6-8 range if people are introduced to me.

I suck at approaching people cold, so like a 3 for that and for on the phone, where I always sound like I am depressed and/or very sarcastic.

As for being in front of a group and/or being in charge, I do that quite a bit and have no problem with it.
posted by drjimmy11 07 March | 17:24
I got 60% on that test.

When I'm around a bunch of people I know, I'm pretty outgoing and social. When I'm at a party or somewhere in a big group of people, especially if I don't know most of them well or at all, I'm very quiet until I get a bit more used to things. If I am in a club or something...forget it. I stick with the people I came with and I really don't approach people. (although if people approach me I'd be fine with it. Most places that doesn't happen and I don't go clubbing much these days anyway)

And forget me going up to someone I find interesting and asking him out. No way. I'm too chickenshit. : )
posted by sisterhavana 07 March | 17:26
I forgot to mention I am horrible with faces. I can remember names forever, but as far as connecting a name with a face...yikes.

I've had whole conversations with people and had no idea who they were...the whole time I'm in my head going "What's his/her name again?" : )
posted by sisterhavana 07 March | 17:28
I recognize faces, but I don't pay any attention to what people look like. I probably will notice hair color, but I don't notice eye color. Until I learned that it was important, and this was after my marriage, I couldn't tell you what anyone's eye color was. My (ex)wife was not pleased that I didn't know what color her eyes were.

I would so totally suck at describing someone at a crime scene I witnessed.
posted by kmellis 07 March | 18:09
I'd guess at about a seven, but I had to learn sociability in quite a prescriptive manner, so I have some bizarre gaps. My social ability before I started mapping out rules was really low. That learnt social mask slips on occasion, but In the last 6 years or so, I've gotten so good at it, it's almost automatic.

My main problem is that I work better one-to-one, and have a tendency to slip into that mode, even in group situations.

I don't approach strangers unless I have to, but when I have to, I can do it OK.

The two things that have helped me the most in recent years is doing technical support & performing poetry on stage.

on introversion: To me. the only difference between introverts and extroverts is that desire to be alone. I don't think it has any correlation on sociability, it's just that introverts need being alone time. taz's description seems to me textbook introvert. Sociable & liked, but she likes to spend time with herself.
posted by seanyboy 07 March | 18:55
On being tactless. I've discovered that I can be incredibly tactless and get away with it. Not sure why, and there's always the possibility that everyone is being polite, but where some people can't hint at something without being demonised, I can pretty much lay it all out on the table and get nothing but a laugh and a raised eyebrow.
posted by seanyboy 07 March | 19:01
3. I am too afraid of making a faux pas to actually get involved much of the time. As a result I don't ever really get to know anyone and spend most of my time alone. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's been like that for 37 years, I don't expect it'll change much in the next 37.
posted by kindall 07 March | 20:28
I'd say I'm about an 8. I think I often try too hard to draw conversation out of people. And I'm also very loud. And my stories always take too. frigging. long.
posted by eamondaly 07 March | 21:05
Fascinating observations. Kmellis, I recently had an interesting conversation with a shrink who is a relationship researcher, has had a big career in it. He's interested now in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and in just the type of thing you describe: observing and dissecting which specific (learnable) skills make people better or worse at interacting with one another.

One thing he was discussing was signal sending/receiving. According to recent research (he says), they're discovering that the better receivers of signals are better at all relationships. ABout a third of people can pick up on very subtle glances, shifts of weight, and body movements that either allow or repel proximity. Another third miss almost all these cues. A final third are aware of the cues but unsure how to interpret them. He said that the first group are the most socially adept and comfortable to be around, because they know how much proximity and intimacy they can use with others. The second third are the 'creeps', people who invade and ignore boundaries. And the last third are the shy, awkward, and sometimes confused.

I found this incredibly interesting, and have been trying to observe real life to see whether it bears up. I'm starting to really become aware that I'm sending and recieving signals all the time without even thinking about it. I'm still stuck in that 'awkward' third, though!
posted by Miko 07 March | 21:12
I can't even comment!
posted by MightyNez 07 March | 22:35
I am apparently 38% sociable. Which seems about right - I would have given myself a 3.

Social skills are overrated.
posted by dg 08 March | 00:05
What your friend describes is definitely true, miko, with further interesting breakdowns. For example, those who are in the first category can be aware or unaware of being aware of the signals. Like, I'm aware that I'm aware, but my husband doesn't really notice that he gets them... And the interesting thing is that he is very social and very popular, and it's not at all draining for him. Probably the opposite.

So for him it all flows as seamlessly as any other sensory input, while for me, if you asked me why I know that person A is uncomfortable, or person B is nervous, or person C is probably lying, I could actually detail all the physical cues. It wouldn't make much sense in the telling, and I would never even attempt to voice it, but I know why I know, and that's probably one part of why social interaction can be draining for me.

I have what seems to me a kind of humorous anecdote about this: We recently bumped into a guy we know, and while I find him essentially harmless, I really don't like him at all. He's the sort who puffs himself up talking about himself, and adopts an "I-am-a-Hemingwayesque-artist" manner, and is constantly attempting to demonstrate his profundity. I can't even find a tattered thread of interest in his conversation. And he's American, which for some reason irritates me even further.

So, I usually just avoid him. But in this case, since I couldn't, I did what I sometimes (but rarely) do in those situations, which is to just withdraw my energy. I don't really know how to explain it, but many of you probably know what I mean. It's like turning a light off: no good vibes, no bad vibes, no vibes. I did the small talk, smiled on cue, etc., but from the shell. And afterwards my husband said, "wow, you really scare me sometimes; I can't believe how mean you can be when you want to be." Now, I didn't think I had actually been cruel at all - I was just not offering, not feeding, not extending, not flowing-toward. So, I asked him to tell me what I did that was so bad, and of course he couldn't, but he knew... he just didn't know why he knew. He said, "you terrified the poor guy," and I probably did, but only with the total absence of physical cues.

And I had my reasons: first, because he just has that unfortunate combination of characteristics that seems to turn off my pity/empathy tap at the source, and mainly because I wanted to cut the interaction short - and he's the type that will talk about himself for an hour without taking a breath. It worked for me.
posted by taz 08 March | 02:54
8 or so. I'm good at knowing what needs to happen to move people and groups of people through an interaction (which sounds managerial, and I am very much not managerial.) I've always had a skill of knowing what was needed in social interactions.

The big failing is that I hate doing it and I mostly don't. Over time I've become more disaffected and miserly and uncharitable to the point where most social niceties seem fake, superficial and useless. That's not very handy and keeps me from feeling very good about meeting people and the things people say and do. Social skills don't make a person feel invested in things that seem meaningless, and that's a deficiency on a pretty important level. I should probably get that checked.
posted by rebirtha 08 March | 09:54
Wow, taz, that does sound scary. Here's hoping you never have to scare one of us that way...

miko, that makes a lot of sense to me too. I definitely agree that I'm aware of cues but not always sure of how to interpret them. Thus I am sometimes awkward and confused, which makes me shy.
posted by agropyron 08 March | 09:59
Don't worry, agro, it doesn't work over the internet. Also, I almost never do that. I'm really much, much kinder than that story makes me appear. And normally I'm pretty reliable about just honestly showing my feelings about a person, good or bad... and even if it's bad, that's still an offering and a sharing. It's bizarre how that no-cues thing works, though... it must be an uncanny valley kind of doodad.
posted by taz 08 March | 11:22
In unfamiliar territory: 1
With people I know: 5
Within my own family: 7

About the same for me, too.

Test says: 38%. Higher than I thought.
posted by deborah 08 March | 12:09
1, but only because negative scores aren't allowed.
posted by quantumetric 08 March | 12:23
I have an aunt I love dearly, but her default signals are the total lack of interest that Taz describes. She'll interrupt before you've finished speaking with a very obviously forced smile; appear to have not heard anything at all you've said. She is interested only when it's a topic that she introduces.

Every member of my family is annoyed by this—she often feels "cold", "phony", "selfish", etc. I don't know if anyone's ever tried to talk about this directly with her...I wouldn't expect her to even allow such a conversation.

Anyway, she's not a bad person and she occasionally turns on her loving and caring side very deliberately but no less authentically. We all both love and like her.

But all these constant "I could not possibly care less about what you're saying" body cues are incredibly off-putting and baffling. If it were just me, then I'd worry that I was like Taz's friend (and maybe I am). But it's pretty much everyone who interacts with my aunt. It's her.
posted by kmellis 08 March | 15:31
Not my "friend" kmellis! Acquaintance! Acquaintance!

Haven't you been listening?

;)
posted by taz 08 March | 15:58
This is causing me to connect the 'signals' theory with a piece of wisdom I once heard, and have hung on to. That is: when you feel a certain way around someone, it is likely because they want you to feel it.

That may seem obvious, but it has helped me to understand that my reactions to people aren't random functions of my own psyche. So it would seem that if being around someone makes you feel funny / frightened / cute / ignored / dismissed / happy, whatever, that person is using signalling to create those feelings in you.
posted by Miko 08 March | 16:22
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