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07 March 2006

It's the Great Metachat Stupid-Off! [More:]In recent days, I have dropped something very heavy on my foot. I threw my back out. Got both hands full of thorns. (Note: that stuff they call Devil's Thorn? Don't grab onto it if you happen to find yourself sliding down an icy hill. And especially don't grab onto it repeatedly.) I smashed my finger. (It's purple!) I hurt my back some more. And I've just now splashed some beer into my eye.

Anyone else done anything stupid lately? Please?
Bet my life savings on a "Deuce Bigalow 2" Best Picture upset at the Academy Awards.
posted by ColdChef 07 March | 00:34
Believed the dude when he said I had the job even though I know it's not for real until the contract is signed. (feelin like a jackass)
posted by arse_hat 07 March | 00:40
Too many to admit.
posted by puke & cry 07 March | 00:50
I had a hang nail a couple of days ago.
I punched myself in the face so i wouldn't feel it for awhile.
Then my face hurt, so I hit my knee with a hammer.
Then my knee hurt, so I gave myself another hang nail.
Stupid, I tells ya.
posted by Hellbient 07 March | 00:55
Got a little overzealous with the hangnail removal and now I'm missing most of the skin around my right pointer fingernail. Oops.
posted by YouCanCallMeAl 07 March | 00:55
ahahahahaha. hangnail jinx.
posted by YouCanCallMeAl 07 March | 00:56
I can help you with that hangnail, Al.
posted by Hellbient 07 March | 01:01
I was originally going to "stay on" with my current supervisor after I finished my MSc defense until the end of June at current pay (a pitance), but on a(extremely) part time basis, doing something stupid (which would take even less time than (extremely) part time).

I had a meeting with my future supervisor, figured; "fuckit, I'm cashing out after the defense and moving into the new lab immediately (and taking a pay cut since the dept. minim. in the new dept. is less than my current dept.)."

Was at a lab (current) meeting; somehow got suckered into fielding three projects which will be full++ time, get paid the same pitance until the end of April, then move into the new lab without a (real) break.

And I so wanted an environment to aid my nicotine cessation.

Now is that stupid or what?

(/I hope your finger heals uncomplicatedly)
posted by porpoise 07 March | 01:06
I hope your finger heals uncomplicatedly

thanks porp, but don't sweat it, it's just a hangnail.
posted by Hellbient 07 March | 01:21
I think I may be due for a stupid. Or maybe I'm always stupid and I'm due for a smart. Yeah - I think the latter is much more likely.
posted by chewatadistance 07 March | 02:29
Not recent stupids, but plenty of them:

I ran myself over with my own bicycle, in such a complete manner that it did a ghost ride up my back and left tire tracks from hem of pants to collar of shirt. "How!?", you might ask. Short form: I fell off a wall. My prophetic last words? "Hey guys! Watch this!"

Once I hit myself square in the forehead with a hammer. Hard. I was trying to knock a piece of 2x4 framing out of a small skate ramp by swinging upward. Which was fine until I missed. My brother laughed at the crosshatched lump in the middle of my forehead for a week, and after the lump was gone, years afterward.

You only try stopping your bike with your feet somewhere on the front wheel once. Maybe twice.

Don't skateboard down steep hills with loose trucks. Don't skateboard down dirt hills. Don't "skitch" and hitch rides by hanging on to motor vehicles. There most certainly is a thing such as "too fast". Don't skateboard inside moving vehicles. Avoid rocks and pebbles at all times. Taunting jocks is bad for you. The same goes for cops.

If you chew apart an aluminum soda can, it'll probably cut pretty deeply into your gums at some point.

Wear a helmet. Avoid pastimes that offer countless opportunities to land on your head.

The goal of bouncing high enough on the trampoline to clear the neighbor's abnormally tall fence is an impressive goal. But a stupid one. Especially considering there's nothing over the fence except that gross wall of spider-addled juniper trees 50 feet high. Y'know, those manicured green cylinder-trees, the ones that look great to your neighbor who owns them, but on the other side they were mostly pointy, dead, gray twigs, sticks and branches? Filled with spiders? Like some kind of twisted Lovecraftian cotton candy cone? Yeah, that one hurt, huh? Dumbass.

Never attempt to stop a ceiling fan with your tongue. No, it doesn't hurt, but you'll never, ever forget the taste.

Climbing to the very springy thin top of a pine tree will usually result in falling out of the pine tree. Chances are pretty good you'll hit every branch of the tree on the way down, with ample time to wonder about those weird Japanese pachinko parlors you read about last week in the latest National Geographic. Chances are even better that - rather then suddenly grabbing Tarzan-like upon the last branch and swinging gracefully down - you'll fall completely out of the tree like a limp, torn rag, enjoying the dozen-odd feet of freefall before whumping into the ground and experiencing the serene beauty of desperately gasping for breath for a good hour.

Lighting a cupful of butane on fire is fun and not stupid. Overfilling the cup with explosive, invisible gas and letting it pool between your legs and in your shorts is not.

Also, lit firecrackers are not for eating. Not even for a dollar. Not even for five dollars.

If you repeatedly trespass on to an abandoned underground bomb shelter and long-gone artillery battery, not only will you spend the rest of your life wondering about the asbestos ceiling tiles and wire covers you saw disintegrating everywhere - but you also run the risk of having the asshole security guard who patrols the area slam the laboriously opened bombshaft door shut on you, cutting off the only exit and the only source of natural light, upon which you watch one of your normally placid, reserved and decidedly unathletic friends pull a Bruce Banner and go charging up the rotten, rung-skipped ladder like some kind of howling, death-bringing robotic climbing machine, and forcibly throw a hundred pound steel bomb door open, along with the three hundred-odd pounds of pseudo-oink giggling at us while standing on said door. Did I mention the rotten old wooden ladder? Yeah. After all that, he fell.

Gluing your hand shut with super glue is stupid. Especially if it's commercial strength industrial super glue.

If you're mountainbiking some downhill single track at good clip, then get stuck in a rut and have no choice but to fall off, not every green and fluffy blur that's wooshing by is friendly. But at least if your body does indeed mow down a patch of California thistle the size of a small park, you can take comfort in the fact it wasn't bottlebrush cactus. However, in your adrenaline soaked fugue, you may not notice the fine, thick coat of quills you've suddenly accumulated until you remount your bicycle and attempt to grasp the handlebars.

Nearly 10 years later I'm still finding the hardened tips of thistle needles embedded in my skin.
posted by loquacious 07 March | 06:50
Wow, loq. Just... wow.
posted by moonbird 07 March | 07:16
Loquacious, this had me laughing until my stomach hurt... I am very glad you are still with us after all of that.
posted by Sil 07 March | 08:16
loquacious = funny :D
posted by LunaticFringe 07 March | 09:23
As the mother of what I am now convinced is a 14 year old loquacious clone, this is how it sounds from my end, usually prefaced by, "Uh, mom? I think I need to go to the hospital."
"I lost my shoe in a juniper bush. Well, I couldn't really go back to get it because see, it was kind of on the side of a cliff, and when they were pulling me up with the rope? The shoe went all the way down."
"See, I was on the skateboard, and my friend was towing me on his bike and it would have been fine if he hadn't decided to go through those woods."
"See, I was skateboarding, and it is this really cool trick where you do a handstand. . "
"See, I was skateboarding barefoot and I didn't know there was a nest of ground bees. . . "
"But if the bottle hadn't of exploded in that direction it would have been so cool."
"The last time I tried that with dry ice it worked fine."
"Lots of people throw bottle rockets on the grill."
And so on. ;-)
posted by mygothlaundry 07 March | 10:03
And my all time heart stopping favorite:
"But I'm fine, really. Uh, my bike is kind of wrecked. The guy in the car looked really surprised when it sort of went up on his hood."
posted by mygothlaundry 07 March | 10:05
Spent nine months thinking she was really going to break up with him. First his Mom died, then he had headaches and was convinced he had a brain tumor (after all the tests the doc finally said, "You have something, alright--you have a headache!"), then he was without his mom for the first time over the holidays, then... hell if I know, it was damn Valentine's Day or somesuch.

Hellwithit.
posted by shane 07 March | 10:20
I do stupid things every day.
posted by sisterhavana 07 March | 10:24
Me too. So many that I don't bother chronicling them. Although, maybe I should start..I could publish them and make extra money.
posted by LunaticFringe 07 March | 11:26
I'm wearing jeans today that are almost threadbare on the butt and beginning to tear at the back pockets, but I love them. There's a very good chance that I will end up with a big old ass-baring rip in them by the end of today. So, wearing them at all is probably pretty stupid.
posted by amro 07 March | 11:39
loquacious, I'm asking your brother on Friday about the hammer incident, just to see how hard he laughs. Don't warn him.

I missed a typo on a flyer going out to university research centers. There are two dates on it -- one says grants are available for 2002, and the other says the deadline is September 15, 2006. D'oh!



posted by me3dia 07 March | 11:59
I'm having a really stupid freak out about something that is totally in my own imagination.
posted by matildaben 07 March | 13:07
Recently: I tripped going upstairs. My right knee looks like spam. I didn't notice until today that my left toenail was cracked/ripped into little bits. It took me a few seconds to figure out why it was in such sad shape.

I knew at the beginning that I was reading a post by loquacious. All of that sounds like the stuff my brothers did.
posted by deborah 07 March | 15:25
Today I realized that my camera, which I thought was on the highest quality setting, was not. It was on Large-Fine and the highest quality is Large-Superfine. There is a considerable difference.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs 07 March | 15:31
Heh. Since noone is now reading this & I'm leaving anyway, I will confess to once calling Playstation tech support and pitching a huge fit at them via email because my son's playstation 2 suddenly quit working. I ranted & raved & threatened lawyers.

It had stopped working because it was no longer plugged in.
posted by mygothlaundry 07 March | 17:00
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