HAHAHA! Just say you can't put aside you personal prejudices enough to be impartial.

or I could bring a whole cake in with me. Then, at some point, after holding it in my lap for hours, I'll just bury my face into it. Yeah.

Rainbow wig?

The idea isn't really to get out of it, because I'm fairly certain that I'll get out of it without even trying. But I wouldn't mind being on a jury, for some reason. Just a good opportunity to be stupid maybe?

When they start voir dire, you could just turn to the defense attorney with deep innocent eyes and say, "Well, if they were arrested, they must be guilty!"

oh man. rainbow wig. that'd be great. I could take it off and run it through the x-ray machine, then put it back on.
but do i have the cajones?

I'm fairly certain that I'll get out of it without even trying.

That's what I thought. Just so you know, having crime victims or law enforcement personell among your family/friends does not disqualify you. My best friend is a cop, my dad was robbed at knifepoint, and I had the same car stolen twice, and told them so. I got picked anyway.

how much work did you miss?

8 days. but my job covers me for 10.

Just say you're prejudice against all races.

Using certain words in your answers, however, does disqualify you. Racial slurs, uncontrolled swearing, that sort of thing.

You may get done up for contempt. Also it might make people mad, and you might find yourself assaulted on your way out by anyone who heard you.

Suck it up and do your duty.

hmmm. get. myself. assaulted...I'm enjoying the irony there. and with the rainbow wig an added bonus.
might just be crazy enough to work.

Call the lawyers: Barista and the judge: Your Hondo. Also say you are totally impartial but insist that you be the foreman and announce you will be announcing the verdict in the form of a sung/clapped ska parable about the lives of a small family of Dutch bees.

Demand one of those cool ass fucking wigs. When they say this isn't England demand to be sent to England and there had better be a giant powdery wig waiting on the jetway at Heathrow or there is going to be six kinds of purple hell to pay.

Ask to be placed in a "Sexier Jury" where the ladies have all passed the "Freak Bar".

Again, this isn't about getting out of it. I've never done JD before, and yes, i see it as a civic duty that is all part of the deal.
My original thought was just wearing a ridiculous 70s suit that doesn't fit.

My original thought was just wearing a ridiculous 70s suit that doesn't fit.

Dude, you live in Brooklyn, right? There'll be twenty guys dressed like that. unironically.

When I went in Baltimore I took on the persona of Angry Art Student - not difficult, since that's kind of who I was anyway. I wore all black, really raggy too & carried a gigantic sketchbook and a coffee can full of oil pastels. I drew constantly and scowled at everyone who looked at me. I had to go in the selection thingy for FOUR trials and didn't even get picked for one.

You should wear an orange jumpsuit and matching heavy chain bracelets and anklets, then.

That's what I thought. Just so you know, having crime victims or law enforcement personell among your family/friends does not disqualify you.

Depends... I got called to jury duty and it was a DWI case, my mom as well on a seperate occasion. After telling them a drunk driver put me in the hospital for three months they thanked me for my time and sent me on my way. Her too.
It may just be they only disqualify people if they are victims of a very similar crime, or close relations of such.

Tell them you are a lawyer.

I brought a bunch of information about jury nullification and left it around the jury lounge. I wasn't trying to get out of jury duty, though, so I tried to be surreptitious.

They also made us swear to obey the judge's orders. If I had it to do again, I wouldn't. The person reading the oath out had such an unintelligible accent I didn't understand it and assumed I was swearing to the usual thing. Then I reconsidered and asked them to read it again.

The whole experience was eye-opening. If I had had any faith in the legal system before, it was lost during jury duty. They withheld tons of stuff from the jury. They wouldn't even tell us what the charge was until it was time to deliberate.

They also wouldn't tell us what the consequences of the verdict would be. To their mind it shouldn't make a difference in guilty vs. not-guilty, but, as an example, I think a bag of weed isn't worth life in prison, even if it is your "third strike." etc etc.

The long and short of it is that if your work will cover your time off, it's worth doing.

As for the clown wig, etc, it seems disrepectful to clown around when you have someone's life in your hands.

If I wanted out, I'd ask if the jury gets to pick the punishment and say that I have always wanted the chance to send someone to prison.

If you just want to see if you can be stupid and still get picked, just carry a pocket full of (plastic) action figures or something and play with them while you are waiting/not being asked questions.

Maybe hold one in your hand while they are talking to you and fiddle with it. If they say anything about it, hold up the action figure (best if it is Yoda or something) and say he keeps you from being nervous or that he gives you strength. Or just put it in your pocket and take it back out. Over and over and over again. If you really want to freak them out, kiss it gently on the head and whisper like you are saying a prayer to it.

Don't complain to me when they ship you off for a mental evaluation though.

There was a lawyer in our jury, btw- she still had to serve. And she was hell of prejudiced. Thought cops could do no wrong.

Ask to be placed in a "Sexier Jury" where the ladies have all passed the "Freak Bar".

Yes.

/stashes that line away for another day . . .

There was a lawyer in our jury, btw- she still had to serve. And she was hell of prejudiced. Thought cops could do no wrong.

As for the clown wig, etc, it seems disrepectful to clown around when you have someone's life in your hands.

no one's life is in your hands the first day though, right?
Also, I can assure you if I were to wear the rainbow wig, I would probably take things more seriously than I would if I weren't wearing one.
plus, ya know - joke.

Few years back a dude in my jury pool said he'd walked from Washington Heights down to Lower Manhattan. Told the lawyer he was sorry for being late, but he didn't know how to ride the subway and didn't realize it would take that long to walk. Asked that they please not arrest him.

Also, there was a blind woman with a beard who answered every question no matter who the lawyer was addressing.

Catch flies, cool them down in the fridge/freezer, tie thread/monofilament to them, tie/sew the other end to your collar.

/Midnight int he Garden of Good and Evil

Contempt of court can be a big deal. IANAL, but I'd strongly recommend taking the job seriously.