MetaChat - I feel so alone right now

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01 March 2006

I feel so alone right now and I want to punch something. A lot of this feeling is my own damned fault but the big part of it can be blamed. I am just so angry.

post by: Cryptical Envelopment at: 23:39 | 26 comments

You wanna talk about it? You know, get it all out?

posted by jelly 01 March | 23:42

A hint, from personal experience:

When punching walls, avoid hitting the studs. Much pain.

posted by Five Fresh Fish 01 March | 23:46

A hint, from personal experience:

...avoid hitting the cops. Much pain.

posted by arse_hat 01 March | 23:48

Fuck the walls, I want to hit someone. This is an unusual and upsetting feeling. I want to be a sniper. I want blood. It is like my sould is pissed of and my body is waiting to react and now is the time. It is hard is hard to describe and maybe I should just STFU and go to bed. But I have two beers and five ridiculous days ahead of me so I have to carry on. The only other alternative is suicide and I can't use that out.

posted by Cryptical Envelopment 01 March | 23:48

I threw a ciggy but at a cop once that landed me in the drunk tank for a night. I won't do that again, arse_hat. But I fuckin' hate cops at the best of times.

posted by Cryptical Envelopment 01 March | 23:49

Do yeou ever get that feeling when you just want to EXPLODE?

posted by Cryptical Envelopment 01 March | 23:51

I wish I had a simple answer ce. All I can say is take a deep breath. Accept your feelings. Then resolve to find another outlet. Trust me the actions these things lead to haunt your life for years.

posted by arse_hat 01 March | 23:52

My father had an excellent ashtray that had a line drawing of a guy inside a box. The caption was "People are no damn good"

You have to see it. I miss my father. I am enraged.

Sorry, good people, I'll go to bed now. Tomorrow is another day.

posted by Cryptical Envelopment 01 March | 23:54

Be well, cryptical. Put on some mellow music and let your muscles relax, ok?

posted by jrossi4r 01 March | 23:56

Check your email ce.

posted by arse_hat 01 March | 23:58

Yeah man, I've been there. Lots.

Sometimes I've felt enough... whatever it is... that it might just be enough to pull a Tetsuo, or rather, I was hoping that it was enough to be able to explode several city blocks drawing purely from my repressed rage (and the [re?-]introduction of psychic powers in the mundane world).

I don't know what to say, man, ... a brisk rogering could have helped me out, but the lack of brisk rogerings contributed to those accretions of rage in the first place.

You mention five (5) days. Is there a release on day six?

posted by porpoise 01 March | 23:59

Thanks. I am cool. I just need to get back to the country. I want to walk outside my house naked and not worry about the fucking law, know what I mean? I have been having to take THE BUS to WORK. I am just freaked out and angry. When I bring my guitar on the bus I can see the mixed emotions: "Ah, a musician!" and "Fuck, he is going to take up more space."

Assholes, every one of me.

posted by Cryptical Envelopment 01 March | 23:59

Oh, if you're doing walls, don't make my mistake and hit cinderblock walls that have been painted over scores of times. Cement oxidizes over time and oxidation makes it all the more harder.

Breaking (well, your) stuff is stupid. You'll have to replace it or clean up after yourself.

Are you a jogger? I wasn't but running helped me take my mind off of things by making me think of other things (like, I'm a shitty runner).

posted by porpoise 02 March | 00:02

Hah. Thanks, porpoise. I replied to your mail arse_hat but it got bounced. It is the feeling of wanting to do anything other than thinking and resenting any thought that intrudes. As soon as I have a second of thinking I want to do damage. It's akin to panic. Hence the typing. Ahem. I have had one panic attack (and one acute manic episode) and I know that these feelings are just crap. This is an awful busy feeling.

posted by Cryptical Envelopment 02 March | 00:11

join the club. yawn.

posted by puke & cry 02 March | 00:15

Crap ce don't know why it would bounce.

posted by arse_hat 02 March | 00:16

Don't hit walls. I used to do that when I was younger (20s) until I suspected that I had hairline fractures everywhere.

I liked to slam a refrigerator door real hard, but that just broke the shelves ...

cryptical, this will pass, try to find something constructive to do with the energy in the meantime.

posted by stilicho 02 March | 00:18

Every calm (or at least still) minute you put between whatever it is that is making you feel bad and yourself is a win for you. Anything you can do to calm down is going to be a point in your favor against the shitbirds. Long showers and long walks are generally good.

posted by Divine_Wino 02 March | 00:22

Ach. Cryp, so sorry you're going through this. I wish I could think of anything to say that might help a little bit.

posted by taz 02 March | 00:24

Shame I couldn't have harnessed your rage earlier this week. I had a few hundred pounds of concrete that wanted breaking-up.

posted by Five Fresh Fish 02 March | 03:03

The day I found out my live-in GF cheated on me I felt this same way. Exactly. Being treated that way brings out the fucking monster in people. So does a lot of other things.

Things that helped me (but may or may not be any kind of good advice)

Drink and cry.

Run. Hard. Bust your feet on the pavement. Run until you can't breathe. (On the plus side this may not take long..)

Any kind of hard excercise. Pullups til your arms burn.

Get somebody you know well, there, in person. Tell them all the ugly shit.

Smash something if you want. But don't bother unless it's glass. Cause most things don't smash in a satisfying way.

Go out in the middle of the woods and scream until your voice is busted, or until you feel stupid doing it.

That, repeated over two months, and lots of time, got me over all my anger.

posted by fake 02 March | 03:06

I like a lot of what fake said; you need that release and just talking doesn't always help. Running, or even walking, can help. You'll find that you find yourself quite a ways away from where you started (in a funk or upset) and when you cool down, you'll be ready to "head home" (hopefully, a good place).

Swimming's good too, if you can swim and have access to a pool/lake/etc. Like the pull-ups, swim until you need to take a break.

If you have a baseball can and some empty cans (pop, beer), tee off on those. Not like you're going to hurt them (or your bat), and again, another good release.

And definitely, if you can, try to talk to someone you know -- a friend or family member. It helps so much if you have that.

ps., Punching walls sucks. Especially when you hit the stud and your middle knuckle hurts for the next year or so.

posted by hyperlith 02 March | 03:25

If it makes you feel better I can completely understand.

When you feel this way you're at your most vulnerable and should try to keep a careful check on your own behaviour. This is the sort of time when you could make mistakes that could stay with you the rest of your life.

Punching walls for example, as it seems many people in this thread can confirm, is not about harming the wall but about harming yourself. Not a cool thing for a musician to do. Avoid this self-destructive behaviour and, while it's not easy, try to channel your anger into something safer.

Take care dude.

posted by dodgygeezer 02 March | 05:48

-take a step back
-take a few DEEP breaths
-take a vacation
-take a fatass bong hit

posted by Wedge 02 March | 08:04

Paxil and Xanax, baby. Meditation aids to the stars.

posted by shane 02 March | 09:22

"People are no damn good"

I have that very same ashtray somewhere, and enjoyed looking at it when I was disgusted.

Try putting four or five socks on your hands before beating the walls.

Hard physical labor helped me when I was in a spot a bit like yours. If only you could go down to the Gulf Coast and help with the clean-up. They need some strong backs down there, and The Man is not helping like he should.

Go throw rocks in the river. Good luck man.

posted by sarah connor 02 March | 09:56

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