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28 February 2006
Bore Me Metachat is too titillating today. I'm all revved up and can't concentrate. Bore me to tears, please.
Darned to meetcha. Now another hobby enjoyed by many is knitting. My grandmother was a great knitter -- knitted this sweater I'm wearing. It's red, which is not my favorite color. I prefer mauve or a mustard yellow. Now, don't get me wrong, red is o.k. for ties and suspenders, but with sweaters I prefer more neutral colors. But when I'm relaxing, I don't care WHAT I wear -- long pants, bermuda shorts, t-shirts, or formal attire, you name it -- anything goes. Now, on the 17th, during my relaxing stroll, I recall wearing my herringbone jacket, my Laughlin, Nevada souvenir tie, and my charcoal grey slacks -- or was it the navy slacks? Oh, I suppose it doesn't really matter, does it? What matters is comfort. You know, I once stayed at a Comfort Inn -- warm, cozy, comfortable. I love comfort. It goes along with that pastime of mine -- relaxing. Now, for me, there's nothing more relaxing than a nice leisurely stroll like the one I took eight months ago on the 17th. It was a bright, sunny day, which of course is the optimum condition for relaxed strolling. And as I walked along, I found myself humming a haunting melody. I kept humming and humming and humming and humming. I couldn't get the tune out of my head. I racked my brain to come up with the title, but to no avail. You see, I'm not terribly musical -- and yet, I'd always wanted to play a musical instrument and be like my musical hero, Leo Sayer. But who can compete with Leo? I think I was just scared I'd fail. Well, I decided right then and there to go buy a musical instrument. So on the particular Tuesday the 17th to which I was referring, I went down to the Sixth Street Musical Emporium to buy a new tambourine, a terribly soothing instrument contrary to popular opinion. And as I was strolling along, I detected a wonderful scent in the morning air. "What could it be?" I asked myself. So I went toward that marvelous scent, distracted by its aroma from my musical mission. The odor was a mix of orchid flowers and bologna, which, of course, is one of the world's most underappreciated luncheon meats -- that and pimento loaf. I love a good pimento-loaf-and-mayo sandwich -- the more pimentos, the better. Why just the mention of pimentos makes my taste buds stand up and say "Howdy". Now there's an interesting word -- "howdy". Is it from "How are you?", or maybe "How ya doing?" "Howdy"'s one of those strange words that really HAS no origin. I like saying, "How do" more than "Howdy" -- more formal, I think -- not too flowery. But the flowery aroma of that particular Tuesday morning carried me on my fragrant quest. Now, the smell was actually less bologna and more orchid, the beautiful flower found on the island state of Hawaii. Of course, I wasn't in Hawaii, so I needed to search out the location of the nearest orchid. So, I visited every flower shop in town. Well, to make a long story short, not a SINGLE flower shop in town had ANY orchids in stock, which seemed mighty curious to me. Now, as we all know, curiosity killed the cat, but since I'm not feline, I wasn't too worried. Felines are funny creatures, don't you think? I had a cat once. It used its claws to tear my living room couch to shreds. It was a comfy couch, too -- had a sleepaway bed in it with a foam rubber mattress. Now, I bought the couch AND the mattress at Levine's department store on Third Avenue the very same afternoon of that relaxing stroll aforementioned. I also bought myself a lovely tambourine on that same shopping expedition. Anyway, I didn't want to pay extra for the delivery of the couch, so I decided to carry the couch home myself. It was quite cumbersome, and getting it through the store's revolving doors was a bit of a challenge. And just as I emerged onto the street, by accident I bumped into a well-dressed man with an orchid in his lapel. It was Bob Barker, and he was eating and bologna-and-cheese-ball sandwich. Well, it's been nice chatting with you. Bye!
matildaben. Just relax baby. You don't have to try so hard. You're perfect. Just lay back, close your eyes, take a couple deep breaths. Just think about what you're feeling. I'll stop anytime you say.
So I had this dream last night. I was a time traveller, and for whatever reason I kept going back and forth between now and 1950, where I chain-smoked as I walked around a hospital and got strange looks by the 1950 nurses because I was wearing an LCD watch and damn those were just science fiction in 1950. But then everthing started going all crazy in the space-time continuum, so I was sorta straddling both times as they melted into each other. Then I woke up.
I was on my to Shelbyville, which was called Morganville in those days, to get a new heel for my shoe. I had an onion in my belt, which was the style at the time. It was a yellow union on account of we couldn't get no white onions because of the war. So I had an onion in my belt - which was the style at the time - and I was on my way to Shelbyville to get a new heel for my shoe...
My dad went to school with some very interesting people whose lives he has followed over the years. For instance, one of his classmates is married to a university president. Since your first cousin once removed graduated from that university, I thought you would be glad to know that. Another classmate wrote a book that was once reviewed by the chief staff member of your local congressman before he got into politics. Don't ask me how he knows that -- he just knows people. Now, be sure that if you should happen to mention the town where my father's parents lived for three years in the 1930s, you will get an earful -- local architects (that they knew), the prominent businesses that have since disappeared, and how long it took to drive there from where he lives now, although he did not live there when his parents were living in the other town -- thirty years separated these events. Knowing, however, the average travel time today certainly tells you something, doesn't it? You're endlessly fascinated, aren't you?
TODAY...MOSTLY CLOUDY. AREAS OF LIGHT RAIN SOUTHEAST PART EARLY. OTHERWISE SCATTERED LIGHT SHOWERS. HIGHS 46 TO 51. NORTHWEST WIND 10 TO 20 MPH.
TONIGHT...MOSTLY CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF SHOWERS IN THE EVENING...THEN PARTLY CLOUDY AFTER MIDNIGHT. LOWS 34 TO 39. NORTHWEST WIND 5 TO 15 MPH SHIFTING TO THE SOUTH LATE.
WEDNESDAY...MOSTLY CLOUDY. CHANCE OF RAIN IN THE AFTERNOON. WINDY. HIGHS NEAR 50. SOUTHEAST WIND 15 TO 25 MPH INCREASING TO 25 TO 35 MPH IN THE AFTERNOON.
WEDNESDAY NIGHT...RAIN LIKELY. WINDY. LOWS 36 TO 42. SOUTHEAST WIND 20 TO 30 MPH.
THURSDAY...SHOWERS LIKELY. HIGHS 45 TO 50. SOUTHEAST WIND 10 TO 20 MPH.
THURSDAY NIGHT THROUGH SATURDAY NIGHT...MOSTLY CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF SHOWERS. LOWS 34 TO 39. HIGHS 46 TO 52.
photo by splunge
photo by TheophileEscargot
photo by Kronos_to_Earth
photo by ethylene
