Tuesday-ish to make plans for Wednesday, or if people are busy, the weekend.

Who was the asker for the coffee date?

Well, it was a online personals thing. We exchanged a number of emails first. She was the one who mentioned making specific plans for a coffee date first, though.

Thanks for the advice!

Ah, the new relationship dance... Conventional wisdom says you should wait two days before calling. Conventional wisdom is dumb, and should be ignored whenever possible. I see it's been a couple of days already, anyway, so my rant is moot.

Whether or not you are expected to be the person who makes contact again depends on how you left things - if she told you that she would call you, you might want to wait for her to call. And vice versa. But if there was no plan made, then whaddya waiting for? Give her a call. This will make her happy. Also, some women (and men) continue to be weird about maintaining certain gender roles in a relationship. She might think it's more appropriate for you to make contact after the first get-together. At any rate, don't overanalyze too much.

On preview: if the first meeting was her idea, she may feel like she's already put herself out there, and that it's your turn to reciprocate.

Call. It's been 2 days. From the girl's point of view, it's easy to get freaked out about whether a guy is blowing us off (because they do blow us off all the time) that we don't want to be seen as "pushy" which in some guys' definition, means initiating contact twice in a row. If the guy makes contact the 2nd time, it's a sign that he welcomes the continuation of the contact. IMHO, it doesn't have so much to do with traditional gender roles as certain gender behaviors (the whole advance/retreat dance, where historically it's the guys that do the retreating).

But I'm really just speaking for myself, I suppose. Maybe I get blown off more than average because I'm a more than averagely assertive girl.

Congrats, dude!

If you want to call her then it is a good time to call her. Don't overthink the human stuff.

Looks like you've already got good advice, so I'll just add a "best of luck" wish!

I think there's a lot more cultural baggage for women about it not being okay to call the guy. You like her? Call her. Way to go.

I mail people the same night or early next morning to thanks, had a great time, calll me. NOW!

As long as you're a good judge of whether or not the other person had a good time, sooner is better, imo. In my experience, if I can't email them pretty much right away, they usually mail me by the next afternoon.

That 2 days bullshit is, well, bullshit.

Thanks for the advice. I'm not sure exactly why, but I'm really bad at reading cues from women about whether they're attracted to me, or not. We talked for a long time, and then we even talked for 15 minutes in the cold night outside before leaving. And she did about as much talking as me, I think.

For whatever reasons, in the last few years I think I've erred on the side of being more reluctant and have given some wrong messages. But I used to be so eager. I like it that I'm not so damn eager these days. I did email her saying I enjoyed our conversation. But had I not got the advice I've gotten here, I might well have waited a week or so to call.

Talked for 3 hours. She likes you.

It seems to me it went well - I hope the relationship goes the way you want it to!

Call her and say you really had a good time and you enjoyed it and would like to see her again, that always trumps the silly minutae of relationship rulebooks. Anyone who cares about those rules overmuch is going to have a million other bad rules anyway. It's a win-win and I'll bet you a penny it makes her feel good.

Call whenever you want. The thing with people trying to decide how soon is too soon is just a head game and the world needs less, not more. Plus as has been stated, she clearly enjoyed herself. Even if she's not into romance, a friendly casual call would make anyone feel good. I don't think it 'seems too eager' or anything to make contact sooner v. later, but it does seem contrived to wait for a time that is externally validated to project the right image. Because, um, it is contrived.

Because, um, it is contrived.

That's a part of social and interpersonal interaction, isn't it?

But I'm not intending to wait for a correct time to project a certain image so much as I'm assuming there is a social norm I don't recognize intuitively that I am nevertheless expected to follow. And while a complete indifference to it would give one sort of message, being deliberate about it (though not the same as intuitively understanding it) is an important message in itself. At 20, I expected and essentially required the world to interact with me on my terms. That didn't work so well. At 41, I've learned to expect everyone else to make way for whatever I think is correct only 80% of the time. :)

I've never understood there were rules. Who made them? Who enforces them?

*pounding on door*

Open up! This the social standards police. Put down the receiver and move away from the telephone! We have a warrant for your arrest.

damn kmellis stop thinking so much. You are just fine.
Take a deep breath man.
relax

Kmellis
The social norm is just there to weed out the serial killers and manic clingy dingdongs, as long as you don't call her machine 10 minutes after you put her in her car and sing an on the spot song about how her "authoritative hominid brow and agreeable personal odors make the voices go away," you're all good. Waiting X amount of days to call a person whom you enjoy being around doesn't mean you are injuring the social contact, it means Candice Bushnell needs 200mg of Thorazine and an isolation tank.

When I read what I just wrote it feels pedantic and lecturish. Which is not my goal, there are very few things I can state with any authority and I feel that addressing this area is one of them. Whenever I have won with the ladies it has been with a combination of mild self deceprication and an honest expression of how much I enjoy their company. So please take my thoughts in the spirt they are given. An apple cheeked cupidy spirit, bearing a basket filled with the fruits of love.

Eh, to hell with conventional wisdom and all the unspoken rules. My boyfriend called me the morning after our first date to say he had a great time and to ask if i was free the next night. Clearly, I was charmed.

In other words: you enjoyed her company? You want to see her again? So tell her.

Stop thinking and call her man!
(Three hours! That is great.)

(oh, and I forgot to add: woo! Here's hoping the next date's just as nice!)

Yay, K! Best of luck!

Thanks, pmm. It's nice of you to wish me well.

For better or worse, I decided to wait until tomorrow (Tuesday) to call her.

kmellis, you must know we will all be following this thread like hawks for updates.

UPDATES!

Congrats on a successful first date, by the way. I am not at all jealous.