I couldn't agree more, esp. today.

/hugs Lola

Thanks, tr33. ::Holds on tight::

::joins the hug::

*kisses foreheads all around*

hugs!

Its just exhausting. My therapist says it is all part of the human condition.

I think well let's change the fucking human condition.

I see my girlfriends struggling to find a mate. My and my mate struggle to stay afloat and that makes us so dissatisfied because life should be about living not just survival.

And I'm grasping at that lifeboat trying to stay afloat and even more disgusted by my sad pathetic analogies.

I hear ya, Lola.

This therapist, are you happy with him/her?

"The only guy who smokes in the office is fighting a parking ticket..."
Not to be contrary, but I don't understand how this is a bad thing happening to a good person. What does one have to do with the other?

Regardless, I know what you mean. I think it has something to do with good people caring about others, and bad people not giving a damn who they trample. THe bastards.

Night came down, jungle sounds were in my ears
City screams are all I've heard in twenty years
The razor's edge of night it cuts into my sleep
I sit upon the edge now, shall I make that leap?

I'm the Ωmegaman
I'm the Ωmegaman

The sky's alive with turned on television sets
I walk the streets and seek another vision yet
And echo makes me turn to see the last frontier
The edge of time closes down as I disappear

I'm the Ωmegaman
I'm the Ωmegaman
I'm the Ωmegaman
I'm the Ωmegaman
Always talking to myself...

The time that's best is when surroundings fade away
The presence of another world comes close to me
It's time for me to throw away this paper knife
I'm not alone in reaching for a perfect life

I'm the Ωmegaman
I'm the Ωmegaman
I'm the Ωmegaman
I'm the Ωmegaman
I'm so tired
of the Ωmegaman
I'm so tired
of the Ωmegaman
I'm so tired
of the Ωmegaman
I'm so tired
of the Ωmegaman
...

I'd have YSI'ed it, but I don't have it on mp3 (just vinyl). But umm, yeah. I sing for you!

It just means I want a smoke because of my current mental state. Stream of consciousness. I didn't really go into the "why" of it all. I figure its banal to others. Just the resulting mood that seems to be the recurring theme of life since school.

Will it always be so? AND for those who think it might be mindset...if you knew me you wouldn't think so...and I am sick of this series of bad news or things never going the way we want -- myself or those I love.

For me it isn't so much others and what they get and whether they are bad and good. Just us and all the good people I see suffering through this thing called life.

Is it our generation? Who are we? Why is it like this?

Did our parents/grandparents accept this and have no expectations of happiness?

The therapist -- I do like her more than anyone so far but I'm not completely sold on therapy anyway but she has pointed things out to me that are simplistic and because they are so simple and I have a tendency to over think everything I sometimes forget how simple it can all be.

BUT it still doesn't change the bad stuff.

Eids...what/who is that?

life should be about living not just survival.

This is one of the big reasons my wife and I left our jobs and house in DC and moved to a slower life in VT. We were sick of living our lives between the hours of 7pm and 11pm, and having to work so hard to meet our mortgage.

We are trying to work enough to pay the bills, but not so much that we can't be creative and spend more time with one another.

Good luck, Lola_G. Sorry the world is getting you down.

Lola G, for what it's worth, I don't think people were any happier in the past. If anything, they were probably less happy, but our culture (particularly the consumer culture) does shove at us the idea that would should be fully maximized at all times. But that just isn't possible.

That being said, mindset does have a lot to do with how much the 'life stuff' bothers you. I've had a few episodes of depression in my life, where I just obsessed about all the pain that there was out there. In recent years I've worked at the art of happiness, and found that even though none of the external circumstances change, mood and mindset and environment and structure can help you deal with it.

Life is never going to be perfect - even if it feels perfect for a certain amount of time, it's too unstable to stay that way. But the good is as real as the bad. The joy is every bit as real as the pain. So part of dealing with the world, for me, is spiritually recognizing and understanding that sad shit will happen for no reason - at least, no reason that is apparent to me. Does that mean I'm gonna refuse the opportunities there are to be happy? Well - I'm gonna try not to. There's a goofy, adorably, spunky resilience in the act of continually popping back up and saying "Yes! I want more life. Hit me again."

It's way better than being numb.

Also, I think the sucky bits of life teach us compassion. Kids are generally really cruel to one another because they just haven't been through much yet. Aggravation, struggle, hurt and pain teach people to be a bit more gentle with one another, I'd say.

Sorry, I'm rambling.

miko, thank you for your perspective. I agree with most of it and where there was profundity it helps.

So thank you for that. I wish I could have your "hit me again" attitude but at this point I'm sick of taking punches.

Durrr... probably should've cited. That was teh Poleeece. Not positive, but I think that was a Stuart song. I always liked his stuff and Andy's better than Mr. Full-of-Himself Sumner.

No, wait, it was an Andy song. My point still stands.

And you're not alone in reaching for a perfect life. There are other seekers here with you.

I remember very vividly an image from the Zoobooks issue on insects. There was a drawing of a ball of ants floating downstream. The ants all took turns above and below the water, using each other to stay afloat. Some of them don't make it. Most of them do. The needs of the many.

We're here for you. Thank you for the periodic return of the favor.

I didn't always have that "hit me again" attitude and there will be probably be times I won't again. But I think the thing to recognize is that just about no emotional state is permanent...even down/depressed/sucky ones. Sometimes now I wake up in the morning, look at the ceiling, and just take a moment to be wondrous and thankful that...I'm not unhappy. There were times in life where that seemed an impossible feeling. So even when bad shit is happening to me, and a lot is right now, because my basic state is pretty in balance, I'm dealing.

I'm not a fan of Buddhism in many ways, but I think the main thing it has right is that it's just about the only religion that takes life on its own terms. To live is to suffer; they lay it right out there. Then it becomes about what we do with that fact.

Anyway, I just asked about the therapist because it's good to have a really good one. Right now I'm looking into doing some cognitive behavioral therapy, which seems just right for problem-solving overthinkers like me. It's kind of a different philosophy than traditional talk therapy. So maybe if you're not sold on this style you could try another?

Actually, I am doing CBT. It's helped others that I've known but I'm not sure its for me.

My friend at work is a Shoalin Monk and while I have dabbled in Buddhism myself -- he is a practicing buddhist. This place. This job has got him at his wits end as well.

Just another good guy taking punches.

You're perspective is greatly appreciated. I mean that sincerely.

Great thoughts, by the way, eideteker.

Thanks Lola...I'm no expert, I'm probably a big mess. But the one thing I have going is that I'm determined to learn how to live a decent life, even it's by learning gradually, and the hard way.

Great thoughts, by the way, eideteker.

Whoo! I'm useful!

...and I do hope things improve for you. One of my friends recommended this book, which is pretty goofy -- it's by the guy who writes Free Will Astrology -- , but anyway, he offers a great perspective: ProNoia. It's about how good things are just as likely to happen as bad ones.

But the one thing I have going is that I'm determined to learn how to live a decent life, even it's by learning gradually, and the hard way.
me too--it's very hard sometimes to bite your tongue and not say things, or not respond in negative ways tho

I think most people are depressed this time of year--i always am...the grind gets extra grinding and it's just not fun to wake up to face another day of the same shit...

as to why the world is unfair, well, there's that saying that no one is handed shit they can't handle, altho that's not always clear, and it's not really an answer at all. A woman i work with is going thru her 2nd round of chemo for hodgkins--she's single with 2 young kids, and doesn't have family--i'm crying inside each time i see her and talk to her, so all i do is make jokes and get her to laugh and try to make the day more light and fun for her--i can't imagine...

(hopefully it takes her mind off shit, and it makes me feel good too, like a good deed, even tho it's nothing)

and maybe that's it--that little nothings make up a good and decent life, so we should always remember that and try to make an effort.

Bad times do pass. But sometimes I need to look to see if there's anything I can change in my life and/or if I want to.

Example: I really like my job, it's interesting and I don't have to too work hard at all. I could triple my salary tomorrow by moving into the private sector, but would have to work probably twice as hard as I do now. My needs are being met, I'm lucky I'm not a materialistic person or I probably wouldn't be content with what I've got (my TV and stereo are ancient, my car is 9 years old, I couldn't care less about anything 'designer').

So the choice to lead a simpler life on less money makes me happier than if I earned enough to buy lots of things I probably wouldn't enjoy.

If that balance changes, then I'll re-evaluate.

What are your priorities in life? Are you prioritising them?

Miko, reading that, I think you and I think a lot alike in some ways (although you are probably vastly more spiritual than I). Maybe we've just been through some of the same shit.

That's interesting MB -- might account for the instant bonding. I am pretty spiritual, for whatever reason, though in a pretty unique way: harshly logical, agnostic Quaker. heh!

Amberglow: that thing about never being given shit you can't handle has always bothered me. It seems that some people are given too much sometimes -- and you get suicide or self-destruction. And what might be a terrible burden for one person can be easily handled sometimes by another.

I really think it's just maybe a misleading saying; it may not be that we only get stuff we can handle, it may be instead that almost all people are ridiculously resilient, more than they even know. And they really are; when you think of the things people have survived in this world, it's kind of amazing that so many people do consistently choose to go on.

well, people really are stronger and more resilient than they think, i've found, but anyone who doesn't want to deal with horror or endless pain or decline or disintegration for whatever reason shouldn't have to either. I certainly would kill myself (or have someone do it for me) rather than lose my brain, or have it be imprisoned in an unresponsive body.

I think it's mainly hope, and love, that drives the people who do persevere and deal with amazingly horrible situations and events and diseases. And there really are so many medical breakthroughs that it's with good reason, if it's a disease. And wars end, and abuse ends, etc.

(i just finished watching Dancer in the Dark, which totally deals with this whole thing)

Have you ever seen Wings of Desire?

It's hard to watch, because I get all choked up, but basically it's about angels who are envious of real people and their ability to love and feel. Some of the angels are willing to put up with the pain of being human just to know the good side as well.

Recommended, but you will sniffle.

but not the american remake--that sucked.

Oh, never knew there was an American remake.

miko - it's called City of Angels. I've only seen a small portion of it, but even that wasn't good.

Nicholas Cage plays the angel guy--it's bad, trust me.

what amberglow said. it's a bad, shallow, schmaltzy, depressing movie

Watch the Wim Wenders one, then.

Oh, I have, many times. Here's a little story about one time I didn't see it. (Self link. Shoot me.)

bmarkey: you may never have any idea how much good reading that story did me.

Sorry about your 30th birthday. If I could reel back the years, I'd go see it with you, even if I didn't know you from some random person on the Internet. (Oh, wait....)

Glad things worked out so well.

Glad to be of service, miko. And, just in case you (or anyone else) haven't got this song:

Big Star - The Ballad of El Goodo