That? Is an awesome rant.

I have no rant of my own to contribute. At least, not just yet. The day is young.

Why the hell won't they change "complementary tickets" to "complimentary tickets"? I even wrote the Webster's definitions in the margin, but they refuse to accept that they're wrong.

With a goddamn quill pen and ink made from the blood of virgin goats?

Depends. Are you applying to be Anton LaVey's personal secretary?

With a goddamn quill pen and ink made from the blood of virgin goats?

We must foil their evil plans with a wild spree of goat rape!

Not yet - why, is he hiring? Does he have a .pdf to send me? He probably wants my college transcript, too, right? Because the local community college wants those to see if I'm capable of recruiting high school dropouts.

Goat rape isn't the answer to everything, jonmc.

Is LaVey even still alive?

He's not listed here. God, I love googling things like this. I'm a sick, sick, sick person.

He died in 1997.

Goat rape isn't the answer to everything, jonmc.

Blasphemer.

*mends horn wound in butt*

Dead. That might make being his PA slightly more difficult, but, you know, not impossible.

Selfnoise rant topics:

1. What the fuck is wrong with this cold? It's like gamma ray SARS.

2. What the fuck is wrong with my amp's right channel? I just spent an irritating 20 minutes fiddling with the damn thing, including stripping some wires down, and I have no idea whether it'll stay worky. Aagh.

3. What the fuck is up with religion/philosophy making cretins of Mefites? Why in the shit do people even make posts anymore?

Death is but a minor impediment to the master of darkness. But the payroll department in Hell really sucks, so I'd look somewhere else.

PS, I thought pretty much the same thing when I was filling out applications, mgl. Except for the goat's blood part. The worst is when they require you to fill out an entire company-official application when THEY'VE ALREADY HIRED YOU BASED ON YOUR RESUME ACK PBBTT

Don't sign anything.

Especially don't sign a non-compete agreement.

Distract them while you turn it in, nobody will notice it isn't signed, it'll go in your file, and then when you stop showing for work and start working across the street at the competition, who pay you what you're worth because you have up-to-date knowledge of their competition's system, the legal department will look at your unsigned files, have a fit, and fire your incompetent or mean old boss for your non-compliance.

Main thing I have noticed today is that EVERYONE IS STUPID EXCEPT FOR ME.

and all of you, of course. That goes without saying.

I'm pretty stupid.

That is not dead which can eternal lie
And with strange eons even death may die

Don't sell yourself short Capn.

Ok... I'm really really stupid!

Mygoth - excellent rant. But a lot of places actually do send out lame-ass little reference forms that take up YOUR VALUABLE time in processing. "Please sign and return" type crap. That's why for the addresses.

My rant goes like this: Why THE FUCK CAN'T TEMP AGENCY REPS DO WHAT THEY'RE FUCKING SUPPOSED TO? Why do I have to call three times for a job description, or 10 times to find out that the job I interviewed for was given to an internal candidate? Why do Temp Reps get on the phone with me about a job and NOT HAVE THE FUCKING ADDRESS OF WHERE I'M GOING before asking me if I'll take it? OR EVEN KNOW WHO THE CONTACT IS ON-SITE?

Grah. There is a special circle in Hell that even LaVey avoids that is populated by the chirping, dysfunctional insect-whine of idiotic temp agency workers.

Maybe the whole agency is staffed by temp workers.

...who are supplied by the very agency they temp at?

There you go. Nice job!

I used to be a temp receptionist at a temp agency in SF. It was a small, decent agency though.

Hugh and Capn - you have NO IDEA how close to the truth you are there. There are a lot of agencies who look for people to work for them. I've even done that before, back in the day - taken jobs at the firm that's placing me, but not in a representative role. I thought about doing it, though. When you think you can do better than they can, maybe you should.

But then my head would asplode.

"Good morning, Temps Ahoy! This is Steven...even...eeeeeeeeee!"

*sudden asplosion!*

By the way, my last comment was in response to Capn's really stepping up the plate with the statement of dumbness. I thought I had posted, but had only previewed. Now, I look like the dumb one.

I'd like to revisit an old, but popular, rant today. Why is it that people who will not make purchases online because they "don't trust the internet" are the most likely to believe stupid forwarded e-mails and, in turn, forward them to me? How many times do I have to direct your ass to Snopes? You think Amazon will steal your money, but you'll take health advice in the form of a random forward? WTF?

That is really funny jrossi4r. I hadn't thought of that. I have noticed that my m-i-l won't make an online purchase with 128bit encryption, BUT she is willing to call another city and read her number, etc. over the phone to a complete stranger in order to reserve a hotel room. I wonder what encryption level if offered in that phone call?

Grarrrrghhh. I hate paper applications. My hand writing is terrible, and there's never enough space on those forms for proper English. I've been subject to spontaneous marriage proposals from strangers who mistakenly assumed I was a wealthy doctor just from viewing my handwriting - even though I was clearly filling out unemployment paperwork.

I write a mean resume. Clean, clear, succinct yet detailed. One 8.5 x 11" page. Everything an employer would want is right there. It's a work of art.

"Hi. See, shiny, happy resume. Here you go. Gorgeous. You want to hire me. Shiny, shiny."

*hands in resume, waves hands magically, interviews like a rock star, gets handed a non-descript, generic, four page, one sheet paper application in soothing black, blue and pink printing*

"Argh! What fresh nunfucking hellshits is this piece of tawdry rag? You actually bought this thing at Office Depot, didn't you? Ha. Funny. Here's my resume. Oh, you really want me to fill this nasty, dirty thing out? Are you completely insane? Am I? Did I fall some kind of time-warping wormhole? You do have, y'know, indoor plumbing at this sweatshop, right? Look, I work in IT. My handwriting skills haven't been used in decades. I can type at least 50 WPM with every appendage of my body - and yes, including that one. I haven't actually bought a pen since Roosevelt could still walk. Look, you smoking chimpanzee in a cheap suit, I can laser print human-skin vellum at 2400 DPI from 30 paces with my fucking eyes. Why don't you just hand me a soft clay tablet and a stick and ask me to convert cubits to fucking furloughs!? Impressive. You do your taxes in Incan knotwork. I'm totally surprised. Fantastic. Here's a fifty cent solar powered calculator, you gimp-fisting throwback!

*pants in anger and frustration, eyes wild and murderous*

...Err, yeah, I can start tommorow. Sure."

I have also worked as a temp receptionist for a temp agency. It was the most boring job ever, since I had no computer and no one called.

I have also been responsible for taking people's credit card numbers over the phone because they didn't trust the internet. I would then hang up the phone and type their credit card number into our website, because I had no other way of placing their order, and then I'd have to figure out how to dispose of the piece of paper with their CC number written on it while muttering "HOW is this more secure, again?"

Temp Agencies = Satan. I have been signed up with one for 2 months now - have I gotten any work? No. No, I've gotten lots of perky phone calls from Kathy! (that's her name, I swear, the exclamation point is how she always says her name) offering me miserable, mind numbing, menial, degrading jobs for the princely sums of $8 or be still my heart, $9 an hour and then when I begrudgingly say, "Okay, I'll go answer phones for these evil creepy half dead people", she chirps and says, "Great! I'll submit your resume!" and then I don't get hired because I'm overqualified, which, duh, I knew. Until now, when she actually found me a real $9 an hour call center job plus commission if I can sell cosmetics to the poor deluded fools who call me but . . I have to go take a customer service test first. Yeah. On Tuesday I'm taking a customer service test and I guess if I bring an AK-47 with me I'll probably fail, but oh I want to, I want to.

mgl don't answer that it's ok for Jim and Greg to come to work stoned as long as they get all their work done. I did that on a Sam's Club application once. Whoopsie!

occhiblu, I am totally adding that bit about putting phone orders through the web to my argument arsenal. Right along with the fact that I've only known two people who were victims of identity theft, both of whom had their cards physically stolen.

Glad I could help the cause, jrossi!

Totally with you on the application rant. I had to go through all of this when I was looking for a part-time job for my winter break. I got two part-time jobs though, so that was good.

One of the places I applied for though? Called me two days ago asking if I was interested in coming in for an interview. Um, no, thank you. I was interested over six weeks ago, when I turned in the application. And unless you have an opening for me someplace that isn't two hours away from my school, I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass.

Now, for one of my own:
Where the hell do you get off charging 50 bucks and up for a fucking paperback book? Yeah, yeah limited printing, costs, blah blah...shut up. I don't care if the author wrote the book in his own blood drawn from him by 200 pissed-off lecture students, it isn't worth $65. And don't give me that "you can always sell it back" crap, buddy. Yeah, there's nothing like waiting a whole semester to realize that your professor never even had you use the damn book, trying to find to receipt only to find out that the stupid store rips you off by saying they'll only pay you back 5o% of what you paid. Now if I want to try and get my money back I have to go through the hassle of selling them online.

Rrrgh. Sorry, but I'm going to try buying my textbooks on Saturday, so I'm feeling a little upset thinking about it.

Job applications suck. I've torn them up and left them for the place to clean up if they are awful enough (one had a several page section dedicated to cheese, no lie).

mygothlaundry, not all temp agencies are evil, some are just staffed with people that truly couldn't give a damn. But I do know of one that's got a couple of decent people working for them. But they do, by and large, suck ass (and not in a good way).

kosher_jenny, during my second time around college-wise I got a lot more careful about buying books. I waited until the first couple of classes to buy them. The ones I knew I'd only use occasionally, I just checked out of the library. Some, I never bought at all. I really wish I'd figured that out earlier.

Loquacious. Let's get hitched.