*cackles*
*coughs*

I'm strung out at the moment. I hesitate to talk about it, because like damn AA meetings (which I don't do, but I tried, and yes I still drink), it just makes me want to smoke more.

I'm at about 38 hours since my last one, because I had a crazy scare at the gym because of stupid blood pressure medicine that I am going to get changed, but anyway, I was too scared to smoke. You'd think that'd last, but since I stopped the medicine, I want to smoke cause I feel fine, though obvs I'm not.

I have been doing well with the no smoking during the workday. Except that my mom got very very end of life sick. . .she's still in limbo. . .so I smoked and drank it up last weekend.

My problem is I have one day of clean living and then I feel I deserve a break. Bah.

Also, I feel the need for a lunch break, but I can't stand to eat in the lunch room with the people I don't have anything in common with, and I'm scared to leave the building cause I'll buy cigarrettes.

I suck.

So. . .good new guy? That's a positive!

Sorry to hear about your mom, rainbaby.

I first read that as "quilter's club."

Couldn't imagine what form THAT badness would take.

The main thing to do is instantly forgive yourself and move on, without giving yourself any excuse to keep smoking because you are such a fuckup anyway.

I fucking hate not smoking, I really do.

I also really hate, hate, hate all the cliches associated with addiction and quitting, what the fuck? I sound like a goddamn lifetime movie.



I first read that as "quilter's club."

Couldn't imagine what form THAT badness would take.


Ha ha ha ha ha ha, that is awesome.

like damn AA meetings (which I don't do, but I tried, and yes I still drink), it just makes me want to smoke more.

I did 7 months clean & sober in the AA, but it ultimately had the same effect on me. But you meet interesting people.

*joins the Wino in making Budweiser quilt*

The main thing to do is instantly forgive yourself and move on, without giving yourself any excuse to keep smoking because you are such a fuckup anyway.

DW: I'm sure you mean that figuratively and not literally, right?

rainbaby: Awesome new guy. Music lover and a geek, and said I was a "cool chick." We want to keep him, but the smoking's a problem. So's the fact that he reminds me of a more mature, but slightly less medicated version of my crazy psycho ex-boyfriend.

I mean: Do not say "well, I might as well not quit smoking because I am such a weak willed fuckup." Dah?

I am not sure if that is literal or figurative as much as lazy and half-assed transposition of I/Thou jammie.

To further complicate the point, I am saying that for me (and therefore possibly for you, should any of you exist outside of my head), my addicitions issue little excuse memos and periodic justification mailings that say things like "why bother quiting when you know you are just going to go back to it? Why deprive yourself to prove some ulitmately fruitless point?" and my inner clichero suggests avoiding those devil thoughts like the plauge.

DW: Da. Spasiba.

New Boy sounds lovely!

One man's "weak willed fuckup" is another man's Person Who Cannot Deal In Absolutes. I just refuse a world view in which I will Never do (insert vice) again.

I'm glad you met interesting people jonmc. I'm not much of a joiner, and I don't believe in God, so it was pretty clear it wasn't for me.

pee ess, I AM in much better shape with (insert vices) than I was four years ago: I'm ok.

No smokes detour on the jaunt to the post office, so that's good.

rama lama ding dong.

I AM in much better shape with (insert vices) than I was four years ago

I wish I could stay the same. And sometimes I can feel it starting to catch up with me, but what're you gonna do?

Can I please make it absolutely clear that the only person I consider a weak willed fuckup is me?

Get back on the horse, Trish. You can do it!

If you can quit while seeing a smoker, bam!

You can do it? Bam?

Oh, no, it's a crossbreed of Tony Little & Emeril! Run for your lives!

Eh. I'm still drunk from last night. Hell, I'm still dressed in what I wore last night.

I didn't think you were talking about anyone, D_W.


TO ALL MY FRIEEENDS!

I don't like jail, they got the wrong kind of bars in jail.

yes, but it's easy to get dates.

Giving in to you Eddie, would be like drinking piss for the rest of my life.

Apropos of nothing, I'm working on an early Linda Ronstadt anthology. Ye Gods, she wuz hawt back then.

rainbaby, I'm really sorry about your mom. Keep us updated, OK?

And I love the Barfly quote. Back in college we'd have "substance abuse theatre" which consisted of a Barfly/Less Than Zero double feature and accompanying drinking game. (Drink whenever someone asks "Have you seen Julian?", etc.)

Thanks for the nice thoughts jrossi4r and danostuporstar. I didn't mean to elicit sympathy, I guess my point was, I'm not going to live a life that When Shit Happens (good or bad), I'm not gonna go ahead and indulge. The trick is figuring out what events make the cut and what don't. A hangnail doesn't make the cut, but hoooboy, your mom not recognizing you? Clearly makes the cut.

rainbaby: So in that token, some jerk telling you that you're too fat to date does or does not elicit a smoke?