Aochan does not live by meat alone.

I predict a sad coda to this tale: Gohan will die because all hamster pets die, and the zookeepers will lie to Aochan, saying "He ran away" or "he's living at your uncle's farm."

This'll all end very badly for Gohan.

I did NOT need to see that.

Bill for my therapist on the way.

I just had an evil thought: stop feeding the snake.

I sent the story link to a friend, who just emailed me this:

"A biology teacher I taught with in Alaska fed his snakes mice - usually just before going home when the kids weren't around. One morning he walked in to find a very dead snake and a fat mouse. Apparently the snake wasn't hungry and didn't eat the little rodent. The mouse was either hungry or smart, so it killed the snake and ate a chunk of it."

This smacks of classic anthropomorphizing to me. It's most likely that there is something about the hamster that the snake finds unappetizing. Perhaps it is diseased, or simply doesn't smell like food. As for the dead snake/fat mouse – it’s most likely that the snake was sick and died, and the mouse (being omnivorous) seized on the opportunity for an easy meal.

Snakes on a motherfucking hamster wheel?

Hamster has those brain parasites!!! And the snake knows. . .