Color me loopless, but who is Rachel Ray?

Whoops!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rachael_Ray

They should get a shot of the gun-toting creep behind the camera who makes sure she keeps smiling.
thaat's it Rachel, biiig smile...

Rachel Ray Sucks.

I used to be annoyed to high hell by her, but she won me over after a while. 30 minute meals is a good show, and she's pretty hot. She does need to lay off the smiling though.

her mag is one of the most successful launches since Oprah's mag. (i really don't like her, but it's actually a nice magazine--looks great, and has simple recipes)

I would eat her food, but then I eat almost anything. Perhaps I would even eat her, drizzled in EVOO and bacon fat-wilted chard.

Hell, however, would be the reality of being trapped in a small room - or worse, an open air market - with her - 9th level thereof provided by a large bowl of coke or meth.

So after devowering her would you smile (even bigger than before) at the camera and say "YUM-O"?

I dunno what the surprise is, I have known that jonmc wets his pants for a long time. It is hardly a secret.

don't forget the leaky napkin

How good is that?

Soon my shrine will be complete....

(and suck it, haters!)

*sucks, it*

I heart Rachel Ray.

Are you all kidding? That magazine looks like something sitting on the coffee table in the recovery room at the hospital for major brain mass excision. What is your favorite soda pop? Is this a trick? Jon, you might think she is cute, but the only thing you are doing with that magazine is fanning away a beer fart so you can finish you jalapeno poppers.

Seriously I love you all, but come on to even look at that piece of shit would be to admit that you've lost your soul.

Ginger Salmon with Garlicky Butter Beans and Spinach
A quick marinade gives this salmon recipe a little extra interest.

Faggggh I'd rather tear out a catheter than find out how a marinade adds a little extra interest.

If you ever walk into a room and find my brains all over the wall and a copy of this magazine you just tell the cops it's my suicide note.

If MFK Fisher was alive we would load up on oysters and lots of well buttered toast and plenty of meth and cool dark beer and go and burn this shit down. Writing about food can be transcendant, but not when your goal is to leave as little impression as possible.

Whew, I feel better now.

*applauds*

Wino, I wouldn't read her articles. I just wanna take her down to Pop's Choc'lit Shop for a malted, then out to Inspiration Point, where we'd make out to old Ronettes records.

(crushes, like love, are based largely on illogical, irrational impulses, so my Rachel crush dosen't have to make sense)

I know I know and I know you would agree, I just fucking hate that middle of the road cutesy thing so much, it smells deeply of fear.

Yeah, but in her case it seems genuine, no like some Corey Haim-wholesome where he drops the all-american thing and starts snorting Carbona off schnauzers genitals in pink capris as soon as the camera's off.

like some Corey Haim-wholesome where he drops the all-american thing and starts snorting Carbona off schnauzers genitals in pink capris as soon as the camera's off.

But see, that's what I'm saying, Corey knows shit is fucked up and the best response is to be as fucked up as they'll let you be, acting normal when no one is looking means that they've gotten to you all the way, you're broken.

I dunno man, I'm just a sucker for genuine wholesomeness, what can I tell you.

*retuns to fondling bag of stale pretzels named Uncle Ed while wearing a leather mini and a cowboy hat*

Rachel Ray is deathly afraid of every bite of food she eats. Her sweat smells like panic and sea salt.