Every man must have a sex!

An earlier version of Dylan's "Rainy Day Women #12 & #35."

My favorite is any varient on the "shoot five times as much!!!"

Uh, why would I want to? That sounds kinda gross. And messy.

Watch stupid sluts get hypnotized, face fucked and analyzed!!

Don't feel bad.

So basic, so to the point. It almost makes you want to click on it.

I got one that said:

Indeed there once ruled here a man, whose return the gods have voomed.

I only get "Buy OEM Software" ones anymore.

From: Raimo Borth
Re: lemony hibiscus

From: Alexius Carmack
Re: bark chase

From: EvenBigga
Re: MakeYourself

Could you forward that to me? I must have a sex.

I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but the best one ever was downright abusive. It said:

SATISFY YOUR WOMAN, YOU PINDICK

And of course one must mention Spamusement!, the comic where every strip is inspired by a spam subject line. The latest one is about bunnies!

Amazing Mortgage Rat/es - 10%!
American Virgin United - only $600!
Brainwash Yourself!
BUY A ROLOX, CARTEIR OR OMAGA FOR $180
Did you have a sex yesterday?

my all-time favorite: The best things come in hot young sluts

For a dating site: "Staci will blow you at the movies."

Actually, I get a lot of Christian spam these days. "Meet Real Christian Singles." "Let Christian Debt Relief Help You." And my personal favorite: "Black, Christian and Single? Meet others like you!" It's true that I am single, but I'm white and Jewish. One out of three is pretty weak. : )

I havn't had spam in quite a while, but I just forwarded an old email address to one of my gmail accounts and started getting it by the barrel full. It turns out that one of my domain names had been getting tons of mail, which all got forwarded to that address somehow, even though I wasn't hosting anything anywhere.

I hate these spamming bastards.

This just came in:

that's one nice dildo :) doherty

In my sick mind that would make an excellent song title

Dildo Doherty would make a pretty good band name while you're at it.

Dildo Doherty and The Pink Stainless Tails

I'm not sure why, but Rolex spam has overtaken penis patches and "SpermaMax" advertisements in my spam folder. Now, while it's true that I would like to use my penis as a billiards cue shortly before flooding the downstairs neighbours with my mighty semen, I have absolutely no use for a replica Rolex. None. I have a watch. It's a nice watch.

Is anyone taking notes here? I have a watch.

This just in:

attack obesity bluebird

Snakes on a plane!

From my trash basket:

Subject: Check this project with me, ok?
I don't even know you and nobody's paying me to... HA!

Subject: Hey! tell your friends to hit me up
I like my friends too much.

Subject: Not worry about bad side effects elastomer
Hey, I take very good care of my elastomer...

Subject: Three Steps to the Software You Need at the Prices You Want
That's good, becuase those 12 step programs are too much trouble.

Subject: The Bull Market That Never Ends
Bringing the best of small cap stocks and viagra together...

Subject: How many CEOs Went to School?
Is this a trick question?

Subject: The Narcotic Service uw
Am I being solicited or busted?

Subject: Your style degree will skyrocket when you don our fave accessories.
I think I saw this exact same line in a department store ad.

Subject: Pharawmaceutical
(Aw.)
Subject: Re: disquieting unblended
Subject: Re: glandiferous Highlander
(there can be only one?)
Subject: Re: haggle osmotic
Subject: Re: insurant sideward
Subject: Re: recalcitrance percale
(spam sheets?)

this is disturbing on multiple levels...
Subject: Your woman wants a replica.

and the ever-popular...
Subject: Confirmation Email
Sender: Wendell - Payment Solutions
Sing along with me: I'm gonna sit right down and write myself an email...

Okay, I thought there would be more funny. *sigh* Even the spammers don't bother to give me their "A" material.

Rolex? My spam folder seems to be all stock and investment spam these days, with a healthy mix of complete gibberish and non-English spam that comes out looking like this:

(XXXXXX)XXXXXXXX XXXX XXXXXX XXXXXXXXXX.XXXXXX 1XX

The only halfway-decent subject line I've seen today is the following:

Everyone Need This Sailing-request