MetaChat - What's wrong with the penii?

hmm. maybe I'll scan mine (in some undies, if i can find any) when i get home tonight. s'only fair to specklet an' others.
;-)

posted by shane 04 January | 15:59

I am the proud owner of one myself, but I gotta say that I think they look like something that belongs inside a body rather than out. I'm baffled by the female attraction to them, but the generosity of women never ceases to amaze me.

posted by jonmc 04 January | 16:00

Awwww I started this.

I like how they look, but I like looking at breasts better. Generally speaking. Preference for one is not condemnation for the other.

posted by gaspode 04 January | 16:00

what jon said.

posted by shane 04 January | 16:03

jonmc did you mean this :

I think they look like something that belongs inside a body rather than out

literally or lewdly?

posted by Mrs.Pants 04 January | 16:15

Nothing wrong with 'em at all. They're not my favorite thing to gaze at, but in the right mood I can be very admiring.

I just really like boobies. I have a whole wall in my bathroom that is sporting a huge boobie collage. If I can borrow a camera, I'll take some pics of it for youse guys...

posted by Specklet 04 January | 16:15

literally, mrs. pants. I like having one, but I can't imagine digging them.

posted by jonmc 04 January | 16:19

I like em. But I have an unfortunate desire to draw faces on them and dress them up in clothes too. So, yeah. (By the way, boys are always offended by this idea.)

posted by dame 04 January | 16:21

I think they're gross, and I'm thankful I'm gay and don't have to look at them!! That is all.

posted by chewatadistance 04 January | 16:23

Well, I'm a fan of 'em. Heh!

But no showing online for me. I'm afraid people might look at it on a small monitor.

posted by BoringPostcards 04 January | 16:24

I'm a fan, of mine specifically; in general I guess I'd agree they can be a little goofy looking. I used to show it online, maybe more than I should have. But I THINK all those pictures are gone now.

posted by tr33hggr 04 January | 16:29

I'm a penis fan. I like 'em; I think they're cute. And sexy. What can I say? I have a penis fetish. ;-)

posted by mygothlaundry 04 January | 16:31

I think they're fabulous, and I'm thankful I'm gay and have to look at them!! That is all.

posted by moonbird 04 January | 16:33

yes, but what about his neighbors, the two nuts and the asshole?

posted by jonmc 04 January | 16:33

LOL moonbird! :D

posted by chewatadistance 04 January | 16:34

I have to admit, I'm a fan. I've never really related to the idea that penii are gross or silly - I prefer to save those judgements for the people to whom their attached. ;)

posted by Space Kitty 04 January | 16:37

There's only one thing to say in this situation.

Penis.

posted by mudpuppie 04 January | 16:38

They're pretty damn ugly limp but can be kind of majestic at full attention.

I don't really think it's fair to compare weiners to the glory that is (a woman's) breasts, though. Pussies are big losers in that comparison too.

posted by danostuporstar 04 January | 16:38

I've said it before and I'll say it again: women's bodies beautiful, male bodies ridiculous. They're all bony and scabby and hairy and smelly, like fucking bears. and the dangly bits look like a turkey neck attached to two teabags.

(I realize this is strictly my straight guy view of the terrain, but I can't help what I am, I suppose)

posted by jonmc 04 January | 16:42

like fucking bears.

What's the bad part?

(woof.)

posted by BoringPostcards 04 January | 16:46

They're all bony and scabby and hairy and smelly, like fucking bears.

Jon, you should stop tarring all men with your brush. There are many bodies that I enjoy and few of them are any of those things. The ones that are, are a bit hairy. (And I thought you liked hair!)

posted by dame 04 January | 16:47

Excellent description, jonmc.

posted by chewatadistance 04 January | 16:47

(woof.)

so you're of the canine persuasion? and you like bears?

Dude, I'm liberal and all but cross-species sex is just sick and wrong. Plus, think of the rampaging killer hybrids!

(caveat: my body is nothing like a bears. more like a piebald drunken hyena)

posted by jonmc 04 January | 16:49

ah, the lesbian & the straight dude are in agreement. Let's go to the bar and cruise chicks.

posted by jonmc 04 January | 16:49

More for me! *ahem*

posted by Space Kitty 04 January | 16:50

also: dame, I just fucking around. and I do like hair in certain places. but male bodies are nasty to me. this simply means I'm heterosexual.

posted by jonmc 04 January | 16:51

jonmc is the official funnyperson of my day!

thanks!

posted by Mrs.Pants 04 January | 16:52

(a) it was mostly a joke

(b) I am heterosexual and do not hate female bodies. You might want to be more specific and say something like repressed self-hating heterosexual male. Or something.

posted by dame 04 January | 16:56

I am heterosexual and do not hate female bodies.

vive la differance. I'm just expressing a point of veiw and doing so in my usual hyperbolic, half-satirical way.

posted by jonmc 04 January | 16:59

Damn, I almost never found this because I was looking for the wrong Peter Greenaway movie:

Philip Emmenthal: Looking at my father's prick; I think that's what got me to study engineering... Watching his Eiffel Tower, his Empire State building, perhaps it's what made me a good engineer. The penis, if you think about it, is the greatest engineering feature imaginable... Hydraulics, compression, propulsion, heat sensibility... It has practically EVERY engineering characteristic. Towers, low bridges, rocket ships... there's no man-made engineering structure to match it. My father's anatomy instructed my career.

(from 8 & 1/2 Women)

Now jon and dame, please stop throwing cold water with all these penii in the room. ;)

posted by BoringPostcards 04 January | 17:00

Yeah. But it's lame.

posted by dame 04 January | 17:01

ah, well.

*reads email from pharmaceutical company offering discount on Vicodin and Viagra, orders both*

*waits*

*takes both, then lets local carnival use his dozing form as a ring toss*

posted by jonmc 04 January | 17:03

...I have an unfortunate desire to draw faces on them and dress them up in clothes too ... (By the way, boys are always offended by this idea.)

Oddly, this does not offend me.

Hmm. I could have rearranged that sentence as "This does not offend me oddly" and it might not have meant the same thing, depending on interpretation.

posted by shane 04 January | 17:03

I had something interesting to say, but

posted by Hugh Janus 04 January | 17:04

Stand proud, my wang-dang-doodle brethren! Your one-eyed trouser snakes are every bit as artistic as their vaginas!

posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 04 January | 17:06

Once I was goaded into taking a webcam shot of my package. I stripped down, held a Solaris manual over my crotch, and snapped the pic. An hour later, someone pointed out that the manual had been a few hundred pages short of covering the entire topic at hand.

So now you know: proper documentation is important.

posted by eamondaly 04 January | 17:22

Was that a pop-up book, eamondaly?

posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 04 January | 17:30

...I have an unfortunate desire to draw faces on them and dress them up in clothes too ... (By the way, boys are always offended by this idea.)
I would not be offended by this at all. I can imagine that lots of men would, though, what with their worship of their own apendage and all.

Now, who said you could discuss The Glory That Is Specklet's Breasts without sending me some kind of signal, hmmmm?

*goes in search of thread mentioned)

posted by dg 04 January | 17:53

ah, the lesbian & the straight dude are in agreement. Let's go to the bar and cruise chicks.

Kayeeeeee!

I feel compelled to clarify that I don't hate the entire male body; there are plenty out there that are beautiful. Nice, diamond shaped calves, muscley shoulders arms and backs, but not stringey muscley. Nice round butts. As for the hair: not so much. Especially scratchy facial hair. Ow for those double cheek kisses. And back hair?! ACK. Step away from the full moon. I just really don't like the turkeyneck teabag parts. They send me to the hurl zone.

posted by chewatadistance 04 January | 17:57

After a certain age, guys, this question is moot. It's been 18 years since my penis was enthusiastically recieved (or sought) by anyone.

*sighs*

posted by warbaby 04 January | 18:01

It's been about 22 years for me :(

posted by puke & cry 04 January | 18:14

i'm a fan too...they are funny looking tho, and the most beautiful ones are black : >

posted by amberglow 04 January | 18:17

As someone must say at these times, it's funny how chewatadistance's previous comment with the sexes reversed would have drawn mucho outrage. Not that it particularly bothered me.

It's kind of an apples and oranges thing to compare penises to breasts. Better would be penises to vulvas. And, as I've often said, I love vulvas. Vulvas, aesthetically, are underappreciated by men.

I don't dislike how penises look in isolation (or, er, probably I would now that I mention it), but I do think they look silly, mostly, especially when erect and unsecured.

One time about ten years ago, I had sort of an epiphany about the female body. Just as my partner lay atop me, right before insertion, I ran my hand down her arched back and up the curve of her behind, and in that moment, that curve was to me the most elegant curve imaginable, essential, pure, the very definition of beauty, and I thought/said "this is why painters paint the likeness of beautiful women".

I cannot compare the aethetics of male and female bodies. Not because I'm heterosexual, but because I strongly suspect that the two forms don't exist in the same aesthetic context.

posted by kmellis 04 January | 18:20

Vulvas, aesthetically, are underappreciated by men.
Not this man.

kmellis, you hit the nail right on the head re aesthetics - the male body cannot be compared for beauty with the female body any more than you could compare an apple with an echidna. Female bodies of all shapes, sizes and colours are one of the most beautiful things created by nature, mens bodies are just utilitarian.

posted by dg 04 January | 18:39

Now hold on a second there.

I'll grant you that men's pee-pees can look kinda funny sometimes. And I agree that trying to compare male and female bodies is like comparing apples to monotremes.

But men's bodies are not just utilitarian, and can be quite beautiful!

posted by Specklet 04 January | 18:51

I agree Specklet!

posted by Space Kitty 04 January | 18:53

Wow, that's a very Modern (as opposed to Classical) viewpoint, guys.

≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by warbaby 04 January | 18:56

Well, I'm an adonis, so I agree.

posted by puke & cry 04 January | 18:56

By the way, penii is not the correct plural in Latin, penes is. You'll note that I didn't use Latin plurals in my comment because unless the Latin plural is already common in English, it makes no sense to pluralize in Latin what is, in fact, solidly now an English word.

So now I either have escalated subtly-but-grotesquely past the superciliousness that is the use of penes which is, itself, the lesser supercilious affectation which is penii...or I'm just using common sense. Take your pick.

posted by kmellis 04 January | 18:59

But men's bodies are not just utilitarian, and can be quite beautiful!

Well, in an aesthetic sense, I can look at another dude and say, "there goes a handsome guy," but they don't take my breath away like female bodies. I talked to a gay male friend about this once and he said that the opposite was true for him.

Go figure. And the male body I'm most familiar with is my own, so I have a warped point of reference.

posted by jonmc 04 January | 19:01

The human body is hilarious: imagine a naked man with a hard-on, running through a field.

Then imagine a naked female riding a bicycle. Both images are funny.

posted by interrobang 04 January | 19:20

I've seen both.

posted by puke & cry 04 January | 19:26

I can say "there goes a handsome guy" as long as he keeps his clothes on, because naked men just look silly. Naked women (and women with clothes on, actually) have some kind of in-built grace that men simply don't possess. There are, of course, exceptions to this, but not that many.

Maybe it is simply one of the differences between men and women that women can see the beauty in both sexes, while men can't (or won't, for fear of diminishing their masculinity) see the beauty in their own kind. Although the statue of David is pretty much universally acknoweldged as beautiful, I just can't see it (and I am a little biased, sharing a name and all). To each his or her own, I suppose. For me, the particular lines of a woman's body are unmatched in nature.

I can imagine a naked woman riding a bicycle and it doesn't sound funny (maybe if it was a unicycle), but a naked man running through a field with a hard-on (haven't seen this, but have done it) would be hilarious.

posted by dg 04 January | 19:38

A naked man with a hard-on riding a bicycle would look pretty damn odd, too.

And come to think of it, a naked well-endowed woman running through a field would look ridiculous, and might even stand a good chance of self-injury...

posted by Five Fresh Fish 04 January | 19:39

a naked well-endowed woman running through a field would look ridiculous, and might even stand a good chance of self-injury...

I'd still prolly stop to observe, both for the bare boobies and the possibility of slapstick comedy.

posted by jonmc 04 January | 19:44

But men's bodies are not just utilitarian, and can be quite beautiful!
posted by Specklet 04 January | 18:51

Word. Those out there with utilitarian bodies, well, you just speak for yourselves from now on, ok?

I could post a pic or a description to further my point, but I'm afraid I'd get carried away. Heh. And it wouldn't change anyone's mind, which is not the point, just... watch presenting those personal tastes as blanket statements of fact.

posted by BoringPostcards 04 January | 19:46

I never make blanket statements of fact (well, amost never). Anything that I express here is my personal opinion. Be careful about confusing MetaChat with MetaFilter.

posted by dg 04 January | 19:50

you just speak for yourselves from now on, ok?

that's all we've ever claimed to do. don't mistake our idle opinions and tastes for declarations of universal facts.

posted by jonmc 04 January | 19:56

Of course my comments are related to how a penis looks. Now, I definitely like them when I'm up close and personal...

posted by gaspode 04 January | 20:02

So now I either have escalated subtly-but-grotesquely past the superciliousness that is the use of penes which is, itself, the lesser supercilious affectation which is penii...or I'm just using common sense. Take your pick.

Did anyone else read that last sentence as "take your prick?"

posted by SassHat 04 January | 20:03

Yes.

posted by Specklet 04 January | 20:05

penis

posted by ethylene 04 January | 20:07

i like penis.
i like boobs.
i have not read this whole thread yet.
i just got up.

posted by ethylene 04 January | 20:09

Ok, I really need to stop opening these NSFW links at work...but I can't help it.

posted by SassHat 04 January | 20:10

To counter the image of the "elegant curve of the small of a woman's back," I present to you one of the most delicious butts ever. His front is very nice as well.

posted by TrishaLynn 04 January | 20:15

The better question, sasshat, is "did anyone not".

Also. I'd rather look at a guy's butt than penis. Not sure what that means about me, exactly. But, well, they're just great!

posted by kellydamnit 04 January | 20:23

Not that I would complain about either, mind you, since both are a pretty good indication of me having a far better time than I am at work at the moment.
Or meeting a subway flasher. In which case, endless entertainment and a great story to tell when drunk!

posted by kellydamnit 04 January | 20:25

Also. I'd rather look at a guy's butt than penis... But, well, they're just great!

*scratches pimple on hairy ass, sniffs finger, continues further reveling in grotesquerie*

posted by jonmc 04 January | 20:31

whachya all talking about?!!! Penis GOOD! (well, not the itty bitty ones) PENIS VERY GOOD. I could sit and stare at penis all day! Anyone want to oblige?

posted by ramix 04 January | 21:57

Itty bitty penes are cute, but definitely not very useful for me.

Heh. I did find one of my favorite penis pics recently, but I'm afraid it's way too NSFW and possibly too much for the het males here. And possibly some of the het females, too.

posted by TrishaLynn 04 January | 23:14

i like penis.
i like boobs.
i have not read this whole thread yet.
i just got up.
posted by ethylene 04 January | 20:09

Hey, I just got up, too. [Fap, fap, fap.]

posted by Five Fresh Fish 05 January | 00:05

I'm a fan. : ) It's been way too long since I've been entrusted with one, though. : (

posted by sisterhavana 05 January | 00:07

pass the dutchie, fish!

i was about to clarify the origins of penii

but i gotta broadcast some odd good news first.

posted by ethylene 05 January | 00:29

By the way, penii is not the correct plural in Latin, penes is.

Without concrete verification, i do believe the first popular usage of the term penii was by Tim Kazarinski(misspelled i'm sure) on Saturday Night Live with a sketch at the news desk of as an expert on the napkinfish (possibly tissuefish). it had five penii, i think.

he also coined the bjornborgasm.

ok, that's about as pedantic as i can be for a day.

there is much documenation on the recorded neural imaging highlighting the differences between male and female sexual attraction, so look it up. this also will reveal the lack of a common plural for penis
so we use it like moose.

i can't really generalize, it's subjective to the subject. i'm not a big objectovier.

and i'd probably be high if i didn't stay in
so there

posted by ethylene 05 January | 01:09

oh, and generally, healthy is attractive and butts are an indicator of health.
ok, that's it for me.
i can't even get it up enough to fix my seanyboy wiki link

posted by ethylene 05 January | 01:11

Penii/peni is a common folk back-formation that's incorrect. The one thing it's not, is penii/peni. Descriptively, penises clobbers penii/peni; and, prescriptively, as previously posted, penes is the indisputably correct classical plural. So penii or peni is right out.

posted by kmellis 05 January | 01:55

04 January 2006