Comment that was deleted:

As your lawyer I strongly recommend that you give me all of your
grass. I'm very concerned that you can't handle your smoke.

Barring that, I insist that you smoke it all right now. I think that
the best way to do this is to learn how to roll a proper blunt or
dutchie. Tobacco or coiled-paper "roach" filters are optional, but
frankly I find that adding tobacco to grass is an abomination and a
waste of perfectly good grass - if I want a cigarette I'll roll one of
those on it's own.

Make the doobie thick, long and slightly tapered. Your papers should
be of a fine, translucent quality, readily absorbing any oils from the
ground and cleaned mixture. Pinners result in citations and demerits.
With properly sized papers or a creative arrangement of smaller ones
you should be able to hand roll at least a quarter of an ounce of that
grindable Mexican ditch weed into a proper, righteous joint.

Dim the lights, bar the door, shutter the windows, light the candles
and Nag Champa, put on some mellow tunes and spark that cocksucking
motherfucker right the fuck up. If you have a truly friendly friend
available, share - hopefully by using the superior blowback method
once the blunt gets to be small enough.

Smoke it all. I don't even want to see so much as a baby roach left.
If you're inexperienced and otherwise untrained and can't smoke a doob
right down to the very last corner of the paper, dusting the roach in
your bong is acceptable.

I expect a full written report. Please take note of any unusual
sounding sounds or interesting colors or textures. Confluences and
coincidences should be made note of. If you eat anything unusual, say,
a peanut butter, pickle, mint jelly and marshmallow cream sandwich,
our organization demands accurate recipes - these new food
combinations are essential to our daily operation and the development
of future counterinsurgency programs. Please take detailed notes of
volumetric measurements, weights, ingredient ratios, preparation
techniques and any special treatments or even haphazard effects, such
as "Cat sniffed at sandwich and batted it to the floor. Sandwich seems
to taste even better." Detailed reports of any marijuana-fueled sexual
escapades are also required - who, what, when, where and how. Use
triplicate form 1069-A - follow the written instructions, press hard,
and be sure to use a proper ball point.

Your countrymen and women deeply thank you for your service and
dedication. Know that your efforts and struggles are certainly
furthering the cause and pursuing the pursuit.

Though in recent years it may seem like the main goal-points are
receding rapidly into the distance, things may change at any moment
and bring the future flooding back to it's rightful place and
birthright. Though 'they' may seemingly be able to dam the
floodplains, all dams eventually are swollen, crested and broken
through, laying sweeping fans of tumultuous, irresistible change
across the landscape and laying new silt for future fertilization.

Stay alert! Stay focused! These are strange, dangerous times and every
effort counts!

Shop as usual. And avoid panic buying.

Thank you for preserving it. I plan to follow your instructions to the letter.

He was grinding up the whole bag at once?

Great comment, loq.

Sound advice, skillfully dealt.

Could someone fill me in on "the superior blowback method"? Sounds a little intimate.

I read this question aloud to my husband, very quickly in a very stoned, paranoid voice. I love it.

"I got high! Then I got hungry! Then I got scared!" Welcome to the world of weed, anonymous.

dano

It's a shotgun, someone inverts the doobie, places it lit end first in their mouth and blows smoke into your mouth, it's sorta intimate, which is why it was always funny to watch big tough homeboys be so into it. It gets you wicked high, but it was always too much like work for me.

Loq,
You know why she deleted it, but it was a good bit of reefer monolouge, I would deliver it like a radio dj, tom waits kinda deal.

That question made my eyes crinkle like I was stoned myself, it was actually better than being stoned, just imagining that poor kid all wigging out.

This comment was truly a thing of beauty, loquacious! Motherfucking art, man! You could totally turn this into a killer tee-shirt and sell butt-loads on the Internet. Then you could afford a killer pad and turn your Jacuzzi into a giant bong. Wait - what were we talking about?

I love that comment. I deserved to be deleted, and deserves to be in the "Deleted comment hall of fame".

Who wants to build the hall?

How long do you suppose the stoner waited between the time he sent the Anon comment and the time Matt posted it? Long enough for the cops to come and take him away, I am sure. However, there was a great deal of useful advice, including the paranoia quotient of pot-headedness.

The camera spins to focus on each commenter in a smokey haze.

Sound advice, skillfully dealt.

Hear, hear! Why was it deleted?

A gorgeous homage to Dr. Gonzo. Bravo!

That's sweet, thanks for saving it!

Who would have expected it? The Stupidest AskMe Question Ever inspires the spirit of HST to commandeer the body of loquacious and offer one final gem to humanity. Nicely done.

I for one would like Metachat to become the Ask Metafilter of marijuana-related questions.

Awesome. I love it.

heh, sorry if I drew unwanted attention to it. I thought it was a pretty fantastic comment.