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22 December 2005

Welcome, newcomers. As some of you know the tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances.

I got a lot of problems with you people!

post by: mudpuppie at: 21:32 | 39 comments

I'm grieving because my magic keyboard died, and getting another will cost hundreds of dollars, if I can get it at all.

send me money, and I will show you feats of strength.

posted by orthogonality 22 December | 21:34

I'm tired. I got blisters on my feet. I smell bad and I think my ass is frostbitten. Nobody understands me. I don't get enough female attention. I can't find the two mp3's I want most. Modern music is terrible and my favorite t-shits (Alfed E. Neuman, Mr. Rogers, my NOFX Punk In Drublic) all keep disappearing.

posted by jonmc 22 December | 21:41

Why CAN'T I be a gay man that didn't find much to like about "Brokeback Mountain"? Why can't I prefer fiscally conservative policies and politics without being labeled an internalized homophobe and a 'traitor'? Why can't I noticee the positive things about a nuclear/traditional family without eyebrows being raised, lips being curled and hands flapped dismissively in my face amongst my homo brothers and sisters? Why can't I utter "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year" without being scolded to instead say "Happy holidays"?

Bah humbug and fucking Festivus!

posted by WolfDaddy 22 December | 22:04

I think one of my ears may be higher than the other.

Other than that, I'm good. Thanks!

posted by mr_crash_davis 22 December | 22:08

I dot a told id by dose.

posted by goatdog 22 December | 22:09

Why can't I prefer fiscally conservative policies and politics without being labeled an internalized homophobe and a 'traitor'?

Welcome to the free-thinker's circle, Wolfie, my bro. There's me, the Wino, Hugh, Eideteker and a bunch more. Your commemorative martini glass and smoking jacket are in the mail.

If those dismissive friends (and I've got 'em too) only realized how valuable we are, for our ability to understand and communicate with those outside the inner circle.

posted by jonmc 22 December | 22:10

Why must coffee drinkers who find out I don't drink coffee keep trying to foist coffee on me? I don't care if the beans were ground between the asscheeks of cherubs - I don't drink coffee!

I have burns on my arm from a hot oven and even though they don't hurt it looks like I have a flesh-eating virus. I think the girl at the checkout line at the grocery store wiped her hands on her jeans after she took my money this afternoon. I'm not infected!

My face is breaking out but I can't give up the sugar or tea in the morning. I need the caffeine and the sugar rush becuase...I don't drink coffee! I have to get it somewhere.

posted by LeeJay 22 December | 22:11

I don't care if the beans were ground between the asscheeks of cherubs - I don't drink coffee!

*stops grinding, gets towel*

ingrate.

posted by jonmc 22 December | 22:12

*hands jonmc some jasper* Maybe you could tumble my rocks instead?

posted by LeeJay 22 December | 22:16

*sigh*

as soon as coffee breaks over.

posted by jonmc 22 December | 22:19

I have to admit, that special brew of yours sure has a unique aroma.

posted by LeeJay 22 December | 22:22

It's the jalapenos.

posted by jonmc 22 December | 22:24

Jasper here - LeeJay, thanks for handing me over to jonmc! oh, wait, this is about complaining - how DARE you hand me over to jonmc without my prior permission!!!???

posted by Jasper 22 December | 23:10

But did you enjoy the tumbling? I hear the buffing process can be a bit hairy.

posted by LeeJay 22 December | 23:19

I've always wanted to be buff. Does being in the buff count?

posted by Jasper 23 December | 00:00

Airing of grievances, eh? Ok - you guys are all too fricken nice. Lay off it and start acting like jerks!

posted by porpoise 23 December | 00:15

Suck it, tuna-breath!

posted by LeeJay 23 December | 00:25

Why does "Family Secret Santa" always end up being "muddgirl buys an expensive gift, gets used mystery novels"? Why won't anyone buy me a pair of nice black high heels and some boots? Or a new computer? (I'm feeling capitalist now).

Also, I'd like to say that ultra-conservative talk radio was created to give me a coronary.

posted by muddgirl 23 December | 00:44

Airing of grievances, eh? Ok - you guys are all too fricken nice. Lay off it and start acting like jerks!
posted by porpoise 23 December | 00:15

At least porpoise gets it.

The rest of you are Seinfeld-impaired.

(That's pretty much the nastiest thing I can think of to say to you people.)

posted by mudpuppie 23 December | 00:45

I missed the Festivus episode. :( But I do have a pen that writes upside down!

That was a filthy lie. I WISH I had a space pen.

posted by LeeJay 23 December | 00:53

I'm pissed that there's not a party that represents those who want a fiscally conservative and socially liberal government.

posted by drezdn 23 December | 01:04

Go festivate yourself mudpuppie!

posted by MightyNez 23 December | 01:28

And a hearty "tofu domigato" to you, MightyNez!

posted by mudpuppie 23 December | 01:31

Suck it, tuna-breath!

Tuna? TUNA?! Do you know how hard it is to chase down a fullgrown tuna? It's hard work damnit.

I'm lucky if my podmates and I can chase down a swordfish (stupid ugly thrashing beaks) much less a tuna. Squid, well, squid's easy - just buy them from a Korean market, but - ugh. Raw squid?

<drool>tuna bellllllyyyyy...

posted by porpoise 23 December | 02:21

mudpuppie - sorry, I've never watched an entire Seinfeld episode, ever (and probably only 2 or 3 that exceeded 50%)... should I feel bad about that?

posted by porpoise 23 December | 02:32

Thank you, porpoise - I thought I was the only one.

posted by bmarkey 23 December | 02:34

Ah, y'all, I'm sorry. I don't judge you. But it's just such a great episode.

And, you're missing out!

posted by mudpuppie 23 December | 02:45

For reference.

posted by mudpuppie 23 December | 02:47

My gripe is that I hate Seinfeld.

posted by shmegegge 23 December | 02:53

Does this mean that there's going to be wrestling with taz and dodgygeezer later?

posted by MightyNez 23 December | 03:03

Why must coffee drinkers who find out I don't drink coffee keep trying to foist coffee on me?

Amen to that, LeeJay.

posted by kenko 23 December | 03:48

My grievances:

I don't feel like reading the rest of this thread.

I'm drunk and headache-y, and I have to leave to go to the stupid airport in, oh, 3 hours or so.

Also, why do I love the redheads, even when they like boys?

posted by SassHat 23 December | 05:16

I love redheads as well. Actually, no. It is stronger than that. I warship redheads. Only girl ones though.

posted by sciurus 23 December | 08:41

I warship redheads.

No kidding? I aircraft-carrier blondes.

posted by jonmc 23 December | 10:14

The full story

≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by sisterhavana 23 December | 10:14

I'm upset with a lot of people, but I think I'm upset with jonmc the most because I've started smoking more regularly because of him.

On preview: I'm also upset that I couldn't make the drinkup last night due to the fucking transit strike so I could find things to grievance about on the rest of you.

posted by TrishaLynn 23 December | 10:15

A friend's date today decided to bring 2 friends to our christmas lunch. thereby upsetting the careful count of quail per person.

posted by darsh 23 December | 11:23

jonmc, I was referencing a really bad movie called Stay Tuned. Don't watch it.

posted by sciurus 23 December | 11:29

It is time for the feats of strength! *tackles mudpuppie*

posted by weretable and the undead chairs 24 December | 01:59

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