I'm tired. I got blisters on my feet. I smell bad and I think my ass is frostbitten. Nobody understands me. I don't get enough female attention. I can't find the two mp3's I want most. Modern music is terrible and my favorite t-shits (Alfed E. Neuman, Mr. Rogers, my NOFX Punk In Drublic) all keep disappearing.
Why CAN'T I be a gay man that didn't find much to like about "Brokeback Mountain"? Why can't I prefer fiscally conservative policies and politics without being labeled an internalized homophobe and a 'traitor'? Why can't I noticee the positive things about a nuclear/traditional family without eyebrows being raised, lips being curled and hands flapped dismissively in my face amongst my homo brothers and sisters? Why can't I utter "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year" without being scolded to instead say "Happy holidays"?
Why must coffee drinkers who find out I don't drink coffee keep trying to foist coffee on me? I don't care if the beans were ground between the asscheeks of cherubs - I don't drink coffee!
I have burns on my arm from a hot oven and even though they don't hurt it looks like I have a flesh-eating virus. I think the girl at the checkout line at the grocery store wiped her hands on her jeans after she took my money this afternoon. I'm not infected!
My face is breaking out but I can't give up the sugar or tea in the morning. I need the caffeine and the sugar rush becuase...I don't drink coffee! I have to get it somewhere.
Why does "Family Secret Santa" always end up being "muddgirl buys an expensive gift, gets used mystery novels"? Why won't anyone buy me a pair of nice black high heels and some boots? Or a new computer? (I'm feeling capitalist now).
Also, I'd like to say that ultra-conservative talk radio was created to give me a coronary.