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16 December 2005

Get out of your sexuality FREE! Prompted by the jonmc/Divine Wino love-fest below...→[More:]

So who's the one person of your opposing sexuality that you would totally get it on with if you could? Alas, us bi-folk are exempt from this thread. *sadness*
post by: TrishaLynn at: 11:03 | 73 comments
What do you mean, "if you could"? All my boyfriends have been gay men, and it's worked out really well.

Not.

But for reals, if I could be a gay man, and date cute little gay men.... that'd be tiiight.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 16 December | 11:07
Have jon and I not made it abundantly clear that while we good buddies we don't want to "do it" with each other?

I find this incredibly offensive, you don't me well enough to make implications like that about me in public. I demand an apology right now.
posted by Divine_Wino 16 December | 11:07
Seriously, who the fuck do you think you are?

posted by Divine_Wino 16 December | 11:12
I don't understand the question.
posted by sciurus 16 December | 11:13
Opposing sexuality? Does that mean I pick a gay guy? Or Kelly Monaco?
posted by tr33hggr 16 December | 11:14
Either way. Kelly Monaco.
posted by tr33hggr 16 December | 11:16
Hey TL, I was goofing about the MySpace deal.
posted by tr33hggr 16 December | 11:16
Holy Shit, I am livid, Dammit TrishaLynn, you really crossed the line with me, apologize or you will seriously regret it.
posted by Divine_Wino 16 December | 11:18
DW: I was just talking to Jon downstairs about the goofiness in the other thread and we were just joking around. I don't mean any harm or offense. I really don't.
posted by TrishaLynn 16 December | 11:19
If I can delete the thread, I will. And I do apologize. I am very, *very* sorry.
posted by TrishaLynn 16 December | 11:19
I was totally fucking with you. Hah. revenge is sweet.
posted by Divine_Wino 16 December | 11:21
I have already publically admitted that I would screw harvey kitel.

≡ Click to see image ≡
posted by Divine_Wino 16 December | 11:22
DW: You totally owe me a beer for almost giving me a heart attack. A beer and a foot massage.
posted by TrishaLynn 16 December | 11:24
So I don't have to apologize either? And I can say Salma Hayek?
posted by rainbaby 16 December | 11:25
Fine. Ignore me.

\(^o^)/
posted by tr33hggr 16 December | 11:25
macgyver.
posted by sam 16 December | 11:27
Tree: It's cool. ^_^
posted by TrishaLynn 16 December | 11:28
I go to a meeting and everyone gets all sexually confused. I can't leave you guys alone for a minute.
posted by jonmc 16 December | 11:30
Ok that will never work again, I just totally used up my fake outrage forever, was it worth it? Yes.


I have three warm coors lights under my desk, if you want I'll throw one through the window of your office.


No one has to apologize. I would never demand an apology on the internet, the very thought of it is ludicrous.
posted by Divine_Wino 16 December | 11:30
How was your meeting sweetie?
posted by Divine_Wino 16 December | 11:31
Right, but can you get me thirty minutes with Salma Hayek?
posted by rainbaby 16 December | 11:32
This was a pre-meeting led by the new boss of my team, a former fringe fest guy who loves showing off new tatoos. My pseudo-neo-quasi-interview is in tell minutes, pooh bear.
posted by jonmc 16 December | 11:34
I already got out of my sexuality. I was a big lesbo, and then I married this dude.

I'd revert to the dark side again in a flash for Kate Winslet.
posted by grapefruitmoon 16 December | 11:39
Jonmc: Did he show you the new one on his chest?
posted by TrishaLynn 16 December | 11:39
DW: Feh. Warm domestic. A near-heart attack isn't worth warm domestic beer.
posted by TrishaLynn 16 December | 11:40
Ok, I'll just buy you a beer.
posted by Divine_Wino 16 December | 11:45
now, what's sex again?
posted by quonsar 16 December | 11:47
DW: Tonight at Antarctica? Or are you too beer-ed out from last night?
posted by TrishaLynn 16 December | 11:53
q, do you remember the ending of Hamlet? Sex is like that, but with even more squelching noises.


Trisha,
It's my lady friends birthday, so she and I and the kid are going to wild out on sushi in punk slope tonight.

Next week probably.
posted by Divine_Wino 16 December | 11:55
yes, trishalynn, he did indeed.
posted by jonmc 16 December | 11:59
I don't think I understand the question, but I'll say Jim Ward anyway.
posted by danostuporstar 16 December | 11:59
My interview was strange. The interviewer speaks high-level executive speak. I topped of at salesman-speak. The air in the room felt thin.
posted by jonmc 16 December | 12:01
I did carry my resume in a Justice League folder, which shows that I am a jaunty madcap type of fellow.

*twirls propeller beanie, blows noisemaker, returns to mining salt*
posted by jonmc 16 December | 12:04
Did you tell him the problem was motivation? That you have eight bosses? That you haven't exactly been missing it?
posted by Hugh Janus 16 December | 12:04
Also, to answer the original question: John Corbett.
posted by jonmc 16 December | 12:04
Angelina Jolie, absosmurfly.
posted by gaspode 16 December | 12:23
What about asexuals? Are we exempt, or do we have to name one of each?

This is just another attempt to push the sexualist agenda!
posted by Eideteker 16 December | 12:26
Of course I would make a horrible gay dude. I'm too much of a slob to be a twink/metrosexual, too skinny to be a bear, and too harmless to be rough trade. Plus, I hate disco.
posted by jonmc 16 December | 12:26
...and, most of all, I like pussy, so I'm failing on several fronts.
posted by jonmc 16 December | 12:41
Oh, so I have to pick a dude I'd sleep with?

Hervé Villechaize, I guess.
posted by sciurus 16 December | 12:42
i'd be a great gay dude. i totally would be awesome at it. i have a beard! i didn't even realize it until abuot a day ago! just because i didn't buy razor blades! exclamation point!
posted by sam 16 December | 12:44
My sexuality = married. My opposing sexuality, therefore = single. So I'm going with Angelina Jolie, too. (Or maybe not. She may be the hottest thing under the sun, but she's also crazy as all fuck. I can't really take her seriously.) So Maura Tierney, who I adore, or the brilliant Kate Blanchet, or Salma Hayek, the second hottest thing under the sun (and brilliant in Frida), or Rosario Dawson (cause, um, yeah). Or, wait...

*more in line with the real question, and sparking off jonmc's comment, I think the casting for Brokeback Mountain was either brilliant or insidious, cause if ever there were two guys so pretty that even the uber het men blush, it would be Heath Ledger and Donnie Darko.*
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 16 December | 12:53
I'm pretty close to gay already. Well, you know, except for the being sexually attracted to guys part.

Jason Marsters.
posted by me3dia 16 December | 13:01
Oddly, I was a having a conversation about this with my gay supervisor awhile back. Basically, it boiled down to the fact that while I could look at a good looking man, and him at a good looking woman and appreciate them aesthetically, we woulding follow our aesthetic appreciation with thoughts along the line of "Mmmm, gimme some o' that." It'd be more akin to appreciating good carpentry.
posted by jonmc 16 December | 13:13
Asexual and bisexuals are exempt, alas.
posted by TrishaLynn 16 December | 13:14
I have a phrase for that, jonmc: "It doesn't move."

Good carpentry, on the other hand, gives me wood.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 16 December | 13:22
I just reread my comment. Make that "woulding" into "wouldn't." What the fuck is "woulding," anyway? Somethings wrong with me.
posted by jonmc 16 December | 13:24
Woulding, the anti-moulding.
posted by danostuporstar 16 December | 13:29
I hate not being able to participate.

*glares at TrishaLynn*
posted by deborah 16 December | 14:12
I'm with you on the Maura Tierney, Flo.

And as I've made abundantly clear to some of you already, my current celebrity favorite is Jennifer Beals.
posted by mudpuppie 16 December | 14:22
The question does not compute.
posted by chewatadistance 16 December | 14:30
Deborah: Think how I feel?! I started the thread, and since I'm bi, I can't even answer my own bloody question!
posted by TrishaLynn 16 December | 14:43
Maybe you could pick an alternate species?
posted by danostuporstar 16 December | 14:47
Dano: Then I'd have to admit that once, when I was in college, I was a furr---

WAIT! STOP! There's nothing to see here! Move along!
posted by TrishaLynn 16 December | 14:51
I'm kind of exempt from the question, but that does not stop me from listing the ladies on my "fantasy to do: sweaty girl action" list. Samantha Morton, that lady in A Clockwork Orange who gets her pantsuit cut up, Ziyi Zhang, and Kari Byron (of Mythbusters fame).
posted by Uncle Glendinning 16 December | 15:00
I'm feeling kind of left out as well. Do Naveen Andrews and/or Queen Latifah come in alternate-species versions?

On preview: My Mythbuster of choice is Jamie or Scottie (the tattooed biker chick who isn't on anymore).
posted by matildaben 16 December | 15:04
Buster is Hawt.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 16 December | 15:06
Do Naveen Andrews and/or Queen Latifah come in alternate-species versions?

Great minds think alike, matildaben. I would gladly be Latifah's plaything. Rrrowr.
posted by jonmc 16 December | 15:08
My Mythbusters choices are Adam and Grant. Jamie would probably grunt a lot and be bad in bed.
posted by TrishaLynn 16 December | 15:09
Yeah, Scottie was good too. Mythbusters is the sexiest show on television, especially when I'm drunk. Grant is also hot.

posted by Uncle Glendinning 16 December | 15:10
*begins to question why his wife watches that show so much*
posted by danostuporstar 16 December | 15:12
I've never watched mythbusters, so I have no favorite. I do watch that How I Met Your Mother Show simply to ogle Alyson Hannigan and drool.
posted by jonmc 16 December | 15:12
Dano: It's sexy geeks, getting their geekery on. And making stuff explode. It's got something for everyone!
posted by TrishaLynn 16 December | 15:14
Damn.
*was hoping it was for the hot women*
posted by danostuporstar 16 December | 15:15
Oh hell, Naveen Andrews. Daniel Dae Kim. Me in a Naveen Andrews/Daniel Dae Kim sandwich.

mmmmmmmmm
posted by gaspode 16 December | 15:15
*googles Naveen Andrews*

That guy looks like Apu's metrosexual cousin. I'm gonna run off to Hollywood and become a sex symbol. If that guy can do it, it'll be a snap for me.
posted by jonmc 16 December | 15:19
*imagines Apu's octuplets making a daisy chain*
posted by danostuporstar 16 December | 15:22
Alyson Hannigan: I once sold her ice cream when I was sixteen and working at Ben&Jerry's in Los Angeles. Unfortunately, she simply ate her ice cream instead of smearing it all over her naked body. Oh well.
posted by Uncle Glendinning 16 December | 15:23
Unfortunately, she simply ate her ice cream instead of smearing it all over her naked body.

Please tell me it was a cone, and that she started licking it in front of you....
posted by jonmc 16 December | 15:24
Having had this conversation in a bar recently, my pick was Noah Wiley. But that was phrased (to an entirely heterosexual audience) as "You have to fuck one member of your same sex: who do you choose."
posted by klangklangston 16 December | 16:27
I've been single for so long, I think most people are opposing my sexuality.
posted by moonbird 16 December | 19:06
Wait, since I'm a straight girl, am I supposed to name another straight girl, or a gay guy?

Well, I'll go with both. Straight girl: Maggie Gyllenhall. Rrrrrowr! Gay guy: Ted from Queer Eye. Hubba-hubba!
posted by scody 17 December | 00:22
Oh man, Sayid is so hot... but it was all lost for me the moment I heard Naveen Andrews' real voice.

I guess I'd do it with Naveen Andrews if he would either shut up or use the fake Iraqi accent for me.

(I hear the same is true for Mr. Eko, which saddens me. I guess I'd do it with his fake voice too.)
posted by grapefruitmoon 17 December | 00:54
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