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14 December 2005

Cleaning the catpan [More:]Here's the story:

7 or so-ish years ago when I was working on my Ph.D., I was rooming with another woman from grad school and her daughter, who was 11 I'll call her M). She had recently left and was divorcing her husband, and they each took a week with M. The weeks my roomie had M, they would stay at our apartment, usually with her new partner, and the week's the husband had M my roomie and her partner would stay at her partner's place.

So, every other week I had the place to myself. And this gave me much greater freedom in being 420 messed up all the time, since the 11 year old wasn't around.

Usually.

But sometimes she'd come home after school to get something she had left there and needed at her father's. It was around the time I was done teaching, so I'd usually be getting baked and burning incense.

I also had a cat, and kept her litter box in my small bedroom, so would burn lots of incense anyway, especially when I cleaned out the box.

So once she came home for a surprise visit, and I was getting high, and she had a friend with her. I panicked and shut the door to my bedroom, but M smelled the incense in the apartment. She told her friend, "oh, that's our roommate D; he must be cleaning the catpan again."

And hereafter whenever my buddies and I talked about the act of smoking, we'd always call it "cleaning the catpan."

So, what euphemisms did/do you use?
There was also the time M and her mother discovered I had taped some porn after some South Park episodes, but that's another story . . .
posted by tr33hggr 14 December | 09:01
Books; reading materials; "the midnight showing of the Matrix sure had a well-read audience."

Watching movies with my aunt.
posted by matildaben 14 December | 09:06
Watching movies with my aunt.

Weird, I think I've heard that one before.
posted by tr33hggr 14 December | 09:08
Depending on age, "listening to tapes" or "listening to CDs" I also hear "plywood" used as a euphamism.

I have no idea why.

I have a Capt'n. Fiberglass. About four feet high, from an old McDonald's Playland. I wonder if I can make "cleaning the captian" stick. I like that.
posted by rainbaby 14 December | 09:10
"I'm going to stay home and organize my spices"

I don't actually use this, because what you're talking about doesn't happen to be one of my many vices... but if it were, maybe I would.
posted by taz 14 December | 09:21
Ohhh. CATPAN. I thought you said Captain. Obviously my Aunt must have come over. Der. I still like Cleaning The Captain, though.
posted by rainbaby 14 December | 09:25
Ohhh. CATPAN. I thought you said Captain. Obviously my Aunt must have come over. Der. I still like Cleaning The Captain, though.

Hilarious. Use it, I like it too! It fits your gig.
posted by tr33hggr 14 December | 09:30
tr33mugglr.
posted by danostuporstar 14 December | 09:50
My friends who are into that sort of thing used to say "taking a nap" - cause for confusion, as that was also their euphemism for hot dirty sex...
posted by muddgirl 14 December | 11:48
Weird, I think I've heard that one before.

Is this where you heard it?
posted by agropyron 14 December | 11:59
YES!
posted by tr33hggr 14 December | 12:26
Heh heh, I thought you were being facetious, tr33hggr.

My euphemism: eating cocoa butter.

I think this came from an incident where I was on the phone, directing my boyfriend to bring all the ingredients for baking brownies. I was living with my aunt at the time (no joke), and didn't want to say "don't forget to bring the pot", so I said something about cocoa butter.
posted by Specklet 14 December | 13:08
My friend and I have a codeword for talking on the phone or around others. We call it "tupperware". "Do you have any tupperware?" So we call getting fucked up having a tupperware party.
posted by puke & cry 14 December | 17:28
[writes down tupperware for future use]
I call my period Cigar Season. Because those stupid generic cigars they give people at the hospital are wrapped in white paper with pink or blue writing and they look like tampons. Then Monica and Bill ruined it. But I still call it Cigar Season.
posted by chewatadistance 14 December | 18:23
I'm supposed to be working right now damnit! || That Jesus. He's everywhere.

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