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13 December 2005

Marcel Duchamp agrees: I have exactly two things I need to say right now.[More:]

The first is that these new Hershey Dark chocolate bars with macademia nuts and cranberries—also one with cranberries, blueberries, and almonds—are making me very happy. I just bought nine of them. I may shortly be getting sick.

The second is more like a broadcast message: Hey, you! Yeah, you, that woman I keep dreaming about that I feel so comfortable and happy with? And the great sex? Yeah, you. Please make your appearance in my waking life as soon as possible. This would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
i fucking concur.
posted by quonsar 13 December | 23:08
You need to start a "limited edition" candy collection, like I have.

The woman part, I can't help with.
posted by interrobang 13 December | 23:17
Perhaps you can lure her with the chocoalte bars?
posted by bmarkey 13 December | 23:18
The first is that these new Hershey Dark chocolate bars with macademia nuts and cranberries—also one with cranberries, blueberries, and almonds—are making me very happy.

I don't care much for almonds*, but at a deli today I bought a Hershey's Cappucino Caramel bar. I haven't eaten it yet but it sounds really tasty.

*this is party because the texture of almonds freaks me out and partly because, back before I realized I like nuts, i read a short story where a Nazi war criminal said that the gas used in the camps smelled like burnt almonds. Some associations are difficult to shake.

You need to start a "limited edition" candy collection, like I have.

I'm kind of a feind for those kinds of candies, too. Although isn't food "limited edition," by definition?

Perhaps you can lure her with the chocoalte bars?

If that dosen't work, try nylons. It worked in World War II.
posted by jonmc 13 December | 23:19
They smell the same because of the same chemical: cyanide. Does that help with your aversion?
posted by kmellis 13 December | 23:46
I similarly concur with all of the above, but in my world the celestial chick must be replaced an more similar gender kinda situation.
posted by moonbird 14 December | 00:31
Perhaps you can lure her with the chocoalte bars?

Build a shelf. Put it about 6 - 12 inches from your ceiling. On the shelf, place a jar with some chocolate in it (or these bars if you insist) and another with some condoms. Put a ladder next to shelf, preferably an old wooden ladder, or, better yet, an apple-picking ladder or an old chinese ladder (in other words, a ladder with character, not one you got at a hardware store).

The next time you have a woman over, the sex, and the chocolate, will be exponentially better. And that's a dobbsian promise.
posted by dobbs 14 December | 01:15
there's cyanide in apple seeds, too. but i think you have to eat hundreds and bajillions to get sick.
also, certain caterpillars contain/secret cyanide when threatened -- poisonous to birds that would otherwise prey on them. so you'll find that if you shake certain caterpillars, they will emit an almondy smell. not all of these are actually cyanide secreters, however -- some just ape the smell with different chemicals, since it's still an effective deterrent against birds conditioned not to eat bugs that smell like that.
posted by sam 14 December | 01:53
That's cool info, sam. Thanks!
posted by kmellis 14 December | 01:58
does chocolate lure fictional women out of dreams?
posted by shmegegge 14 December | 02:09
It always has for me.

What?
posted by bmarkey 14 December | 02:12
Also peach and cherry pits, both peach and cherries being close relatives of almonds.
posted by kenko 14 December | 02:16
dobbs, that's widsom for the ages, thank you. May misfortune follow you the rest of your life, but never catch up.
posted by Rembrandt Q. Einstein 14 December | 06:43
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