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05 December 2005

Let's talk about kissing. [More:]

Inspired by comments in the shouting thread. What makes a good kisser a good kisser? When was the last time you were good and thoroughly kissed?
*opens wooden box*
*stares at collection of tongues*
*closes wooden box*
*cackles*
posted by Smart Dalek 05 December | 14:29
I've always said that a woman is never more beautiful than at that moment when her face softens right before she lets you kiss her for the first time.

Kissing is like dancing, not saying that anyone needs to lead, but follow your partners cues and move with them. And lips, teeth, tongues..they all matter.
posted by jonmc 05 December | 14:30
Mutual want-to. I mean, if you're kissing someone and think they are a bad kisser? You probably shouldn't be kissing them in the first place.

November 22nd. I keep a calendar.
posted by rainbaby 05 December | 14:34
I have often been told I am a great kisser. I have no idea what I am doing that is different from anyone else so I would just say don't think about it just do it.
posted by arse_hat 05 December | 14:37
Heh. I keep a calender too. Sadly, it's been since July 14th. The last kiss I really enjoyed changed what I thought was necessary for a good kiss. Namely, the shape of lips and the way they fit on each other makes quite a difference. Once you find those perfect lips, you can never go back. In September, I got back with an ex who I had always thought was a good kisser and really she is, but it wasn't the same. Her lips were too thin and especially her lower lip, it didn't cling to my upper lip quite the way that good kisser lady's did. Our lips were so perfect for each other. And other stuff too. Oh well.
posted by panoptican 05 December | 14:41
Lots of things make a great kisser great, but #1 on the list I'd think would have to be INTENSITY. None of this mamby-pamby smooch stuff. That's fine for a quick goodbye after you've been together for nine years. But a KISS... a Real Kiss... when it's over, the kissee should feel like "I have been fucking KISSED. I must have MORE of those KISSES. I must be devoured by that mouth. I must adhsfpaspdypqweyrqwpery..." if you know what I mean and I think you do (or I hope you do).
posted by papercake 05 December | 14:43
Hee, I used to keep a calendar too. And, oh, a chronicle of my attempts to make out with someone for every letter of the alphabet. And countries. Oh I am sad. (but I've kissed lots of people!)

What makes a good kisser for me (besides the obvious, like not too much drool) is someone that knows the right... pacing? of the kiss. How long to keep their tongue in your mouth, when to press harder or softer and when to come up for air.

One of the best kisses I've ever had was the one kiss I got from my buddy, Chris. He had just had the surgery to disconnect his tongue... that bit under your tongue, his was connected too much (apparently this is kind of common?) So I volunteered to be his first post-surgery snog. Sweet.
posted by gaspode 05 December | 14:49
Though I realize I'm no swimsuit model, I'm perfectly okay with my body. That said, there's one thing I'd change if I could: My damn toungue's too short. It's frustrating.

I think this fits in this thread, doesn't it? Doesn't it?
posted by mudpuppie 05 December | 14:59
No drooling, no chomping. It's possible to be firm without teeth. I like when you can feel lip muscles - not necessarily hard, but when you can feel them reaching out to say hello to you sort of. Y'all are way better at words than I am.
posted by chewatadistance 05 December | 14:59
Um, yesterday. Very excellent kissing, from my wife, a very excellent kisser.

Kissing, like performance of any kind, is killed by thinking about kissing. Also, kissing, as it involves the mouth, must incorporate hunger. When hunger is absent and too much thought about the kissing is present, well, there's a bad kiss right there.

What gaspode calls pacing, I think of as synch. Kissing the same amount at the same time in the kissing session. Aggressive tongue and gentle-barely-felt touches are both wonderful when the timing's right and not good at all when the timing's wrong.

One of the things I so love about being married is that there are two distinct kinds of kisses. Little greeting kisses, and the serious stuff. The best is when the first turns into the second. Rrrowwrr.
posted by pliskie 05 December | 15:01
There needs to be feedback, a give-and-take between the kissers. That's another thing, actually: there should be no "kissee" -- there should be equal participation, regardless of who initiated the kiss.
posted by me3dia 05 December | 15:05
I've been attacked by girls a few times. That was pretty cool. The passion part, I mean. Kissing is messy and wet and stuff.

Can someone be flagrantly asexual?
posted by Eideteker 05 December | 15:05
For me, a good kisser knows that kissing is like a physical conversation, akin to a tango. It spans the range of humor and passion and tenderness, outright full body contact lust and delicate brushes. It shouldn't be limited to the lips, but it needs to be knowing when to pull back and concentrate all of the energy into a tiniest pinpoint of contact between your lips that could almost be broken by the breath passing between the two of you.

It's the play between whispers of kisses and kisses that are like eating juicy plums that burst in your mouth. It's tongue and no tongue and licking and nibbling and ears and necks and collarbones. It's laughing for the dizzying goodness of this kissing and hoping it never ends. It's coming for air 45 minutes later and swearing it was only five, ready to dive back in again.

And it's been far, far too long.
posted by Frisbee Girl 05 December | 15:05
Whoa. I'm getting kind of turned on.

And I want to kiss all of you.
posted by Specklet 05 December | 15:12
A good kisser kisses so well that you don't want to move on to other things. A good kisser uses kissing like a good writer uses words. A good kisser knows that variety is necessary and that kissing is a team effort. A good kisser instinctively knows which kiss to use when. A good kisser may very well have a favorite type of kiss, but won't try to do that one every single time.

Now, all that is just philosophy. I will now provide a few examples of types of first kisses you may find useful. All from a man's POV of course.

The Fun Kiss: You're out on a good date, having a great time and laughing and running through fields like in those Downy commercials with the animatronic bear. Holding hands and all that. This date's first kiss consists of a fierce but controlled lip-to-lip smooch that does not linger, but conveys th joy you feel while being in the other person's presence. I find that this kiss works best whilst standing and during a hug, with one arm encirling the lower back and the other cupping the top of the neck.

The Romantic Kiss: This kiss seems to occur most often on a couch after some wine, and maybe a back rub. You might have an arm around the lass, but likely one hand is free. This is key. After a little hair stroking, you run your fingers behind their ear and sort of half-enclose it with your hand, turning her head toward you for a soft and lingering lip-lock, pre and post-ceded by some intense eye-contact. There are sub-versions, with or without tongue, but I find the without version to be most efficacious, initially.

The Horn-Dog: This is basically when you jump someone or are jumped yourself. Lots of fast fierce kisses, nibbling on lower lips, tongues in various mouths and likely a chipped tooth or two. Hands are everywhere, it seems like you have an extra pair and so does your fellow kisser. Lots of back scratching and rough/energetic/kinky sex to follow.

The Ambiguous Kiss: This kiss is probably the most polysemous, and dangerous. This is the one you use when you don't know if little miss chica wants a kiss or not. It is usually the last thing that happens before you split for the night, but, when done right, can be the most important part of the evening. Timing, placement and reaction are all key. A light and brief kiss on the corner of the mouth, followed by a wry grin and eye contact is typically the best way to start. The reaction depends on her reaction. If she remains businesslike, then your wry grin becomes self-deprecating and you can leave with much saved face. If she responds demurely, a witty rejoinder and a gallant au revoir will likely ensure a nice makeout session on the second date.

I've found that the quality of the kiss often determines what kind of shagging is going to take place. If she kisses like a cold fish, she's probably one in bed. I bet it goes both ways too.

Snogging is a whole 'nother post that I will formulate on my drive home.

Now, look, I've stayed at work 15 minutes late because of you. Hehe.
posted by sciurus 05 December | 15:16
I've been attacked by girls a few times.

Me too, but I hide my wallet very carefully, so usually they don't get the cash.
posted by jonmc 05 December | 15:16
Specklet, you're still turned on from last night, probably, but Fris, that was some pretty hot prose! You may have a calling. I think you can still submit to the mecha book. . .
posted by rainbaby 05 December | 15:17
Great kisses effervesce.

≡ Click to see image ≡
posted by Hugh Janus 05 December | 15:21
The anatomical juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in a state of contraction. --Dr. Henry Gibbons, Definition of a Kiss

I've been told that I'm a good kisser; haven't had it defined to me why, though. Must be that highly developed embouchure from those years of playing the oboe. Well, that and the tongue thing.

/been far too long since I've had a good snog
posted by porpoise 05 December | 15:22
When I met my husband, he could tell you the exact number of times he had kissed each and every one of his previous girlfriends (and he had a plethora.)

I made him lose count. ;-)
posted by bunnyfire 05 December | 15:25
I was my partner's first kiss; I basically taught him how. He's the best kisser in the world, IMO (although, like mudpuppie, his tongues IS a little short). He doesn't stick his tongue down my throat like the guy before him, or bite my lips (yech) or rush me. He knows that I like to be touched when I'm kissing, but NOT ON MY FACE (weird, huh?).
posted by muddgirl 05 December | 15:34
Oh man, I love the kiss that has the hold-my-face-with-one-hand thing.

Also, quiet little exhalations that are almost moans.

*shivers*
posted by Specklet 05 December | 15:37
his tongues IS a little short

tongues?

sounds like one of them modern relationships to me, missy.
posted by jonmc 05 December | 15:39
Must be that highly developed embouchure from those years of playing the

I never considered that my years of saxophone playing might have side effects...
posted by sciurus 05 December | 15:41
≡ Click to see image ≡
posted by matteo 05 December | 16:00
or bite my lips (yech)


Goes to show how subjective it is... I'm totally into lip biting.
But, I may just be odd, since I also think it's great if he grabs me by my hair.
posted by kellydamnit 05 December | 16:02
One of the hottest kisses I ever participated in was with a guy I dated a while ago. We had a very fine evening together and sparks were flying when we went back to his car in the parking lot of a local pub.

We were tipsy - more on each other than the beer - and he cracked a particularly bad joke on our way out and we were laughing like hyenas. We had just reached the side of his car when he grabbed me and gave me a light fluttery kiss. I was still mid-giggle and it caught me by suprise.

He pulled away and we just stared at each other for a second or two. And then we sort of launched ourselves at one another. It began slow and passionate but we quickly became so caught up in it that I found myself pinned against the side of his car. It was one of those clutches where you're so turned on that you're pulling the other person up against you as hard as you can because you can't ever remember wanting another person's body so close to yours and you might as well not be wearing anything at all because you can feel everything. Everything.

Lost my breath on that one.
posted by LeeJay 05 December | 16:41
Yupyupyup, LeeJay. Exactly.
posted by Frisbee Girl 05 December | 16:50
Oooh, I love the faceholding kisses. Too few guys do that anymore!

The last real kiss I had was...around Memorial Day. Sad, I know.
posted by sisterhavana 05 December | 16:54
...Little greeting kisses, and the serious stuff. The best is when the first turns into the second.

I'll second that. Mrs nomis and I have often discussed kissing and come to the conclusion that we are the best kissers in the world. So it's pretty lucky that we ended up married.

Oh, and on the tongue length thing, I wouldn't worry pup. A too-long tongue is more off-putting. I know a girl and a boy who both have Gene Simmonsesquely long tongues, and they hooked up one night. I couldn't be happy for them. The long tongue concept was just too much.
posted by nomis 05 December | 17:05
It was one of those clutches where you're so turned on that you're pulling the other person up against you as hard as you can because you can't ever remember wanting another person's body so close to yours and you might as well not be wearing anything at all because you can feel everything. Everything.


Mmm, yes. THOSE are my favorite kisses.
Re: The face thing - I like when a guy holds the back of my head, plays with my hair, strokes my neck, etc, but if he's cupping my face, for some reason I don't get into it - especially if their hands are smelly/dirty/sweaty... That sounds really weird.
posted by muddgirl 05 December | 17:30
sounds like one of them modern relationships to me, missy.


LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
posted by chewatadistance 05 December | 17:44
It was one of those clutches where you're so turned on that you're pulling the other person up against you as hard as you can because you can't ever remember wanting another person's body so close to yours and you might as well not be wearing anything at all because you can feel everything. Everything.

Yeah, had me one a them last night, and boy, it had been too long. *stares off into space, blushes faintly*

Oh, and on the tongue length thing, I wouldn't worry pup.

I knew a guy who bemoaned the fact that his tongue was short, but it wasn't kissing he was concerned about. If you get my drift. *nudge nudge*
posted by Specklet 05 December | 17:52
I knew a guy who bemoaned the fact that his tongue was short, but it wasn't kissing he was concerned about. If you get my drift. *nudge nudge

I think I could find a short tongue very exciting in that case. Especially since some people tend to go a little hog wild with the long tongues just a little too soon. (The tongue can be incredibly rough if you're furiously poking it about down there.)
posted by LeeJay 05 December | 18:03
This thread is painful. I haven't been kissed in at least 2 years. It is possible that I may be kissed sometime in the near future, but I am going to have to wait at least a few weeks for it.
posted by matildaben 05 December | 19:00
It has been far too long since I have been good and kissed. I've been kissed, but it's not the same. I'm taking applications for the position of Cute Boy to Good and Kiss Me.

I'm just kidding. No, I'm not. Yes, I am. No, I'm not....
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 05 December | 19:38
I was going to quote Emily Dickinson on responding to poetry, but actually it's not so apt:

If I read a book and it makes my whole body so cold no fire can ever warm me, that is poetry. If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry. These are the only ways I know it. Is there any other way?

Profound, bodily response, check, but so cold? Decapitated? The valence seems off.

That said, I sure would like to kiss a lady again sometime within the next, oh, seven years. That would be nice.
posted by kenko 05 December | 20:01
Oooohh, Notorious! I would not have thrown Cary Grant out of my bed.
posted by brujita 06 December | 02:31
Santa’s coming. || I really want to start a thread,

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