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22 November 2005
Corey Haim or Corey Feldman? You must choose. Inside. Give reasons if applicable.→[More:]I choose Haim because he tried to sell his teeth on ebay.
If you had asked me this fifteen years ago, I would have answered Haim all the way. He seemed cuter and less hairwax/zipper/jackets-with-epaulets intensive than Feldman. But now, after watching the True Hollywood Story on Haim, I'd probably go for Feldman. I'd take both of them over creepy Kirk Cameron. At least Haim wouldn't try to convert me or make watch one of those tacky Left Behind movies.
LeeJay, call me crazy, but I have a weird respect for Kirk cameron (even though I find his beliefs nutty, to say the least). The guy had everything a young man could want-money, women, fame, and he walked away from it. That's commitment, man.
That said, I say we throw both Coreys in jail with (reverent pause) Lemmy as a cellmate. That'll shut 'em both up.
Oh, sure. It's just that your usual celebrity Christian converts after he's gotten into a bind like addiction, divorce or a jail term (not that begruge anybody religion if it helps get them through the day). He didn't. That sorta grabbed my interest a little.
I begrudge him his beliefs. He should believe in magic. He should believe the children are the future. He should believe in love. He should believe that Feldman would kick his scrawny ass, then sell his caps on eBay.
I watched it. It was disturbing. It was one of those times when I thought, you know, this really shouldn't be on TV. I should not be seeing this. This is personal, sad and none of my business.
Anyone see the E True Hollywood Story about Growing Pains? Alan Thicke recounts a conversation that (paraphrased) went something like this:
Kirk Cameron: Teevee dad, I need some advice. I don't know if I can still do Growing Pains, because, thanks to my newly-hatched religious beliefs, I find it morally offensive.
Alan Thicke: Listen, Kirk--this is a heartwarming family sitcom on ABC. We're part of the TGIF block, for crying out loud. If our show is too raunchy for you, maybe you ought to start looking for work outside the entertainment industry.
Next thing you know, Kirk was doing the Left Behind movie.
My roller derby nickname is Scorey Feldman, so my choice is obvious. Plus, he was the voice of Donatello, appeared in several Troma films, and got to feel up Meredith Salenger. Flawless victory.