How is eating pussy like being in the Mafia?

One slip of the tounge and you're in deep shit.

What's the difference between parsley and pussy?

No one eats parsley.

true love: your sweetie farts while you're eating her pussy, and you think it's cute.

What's the worst part about fucking a 9 year-old boy?

Getting the blood out of the clown suit.

yup.

What is blue and shakes in the corner?

A baby in a bag.

What is green and sits in the corner?

Same baby three weeks later.

What is funnier than a dead baby?

A dead baby in a clown suit.
Two dead babies.

What's the difference between sand and menstrual blood?

You can't gargle sand.

One day a Cardinal requests a private meeting with the Pope. He says, "Your holiness, I have some very bad news. Due to some unfortunate financial dealings the Mafia have us in a very vulnerable position. We owe then 500 million dollars. The Don says he will wipe the entire debt on one condition. He wants to watch you having sex with a young woman. If you do that, the entire debt will be cleared. He gives me his word."

The Pope doesn't like this. He protests. He asks if there's some other way. But eventually he realizes there's no alternative except to comply with the Don's wishes.

So he says to the Cardinal, "I will do this thing on three conditions:

The first is that the young woman must be blind so that she cannot see who is doing this dreadful thing to her.

Second, she must be deaf so that she cannot hear who is doing this dreadful thing to her."

The Cardinal says, "Of course your Holiness, and what is the third thing?"

The Pope says, "She's gotta have big giant titties."

What's the difference between a Triscuit and a lesbian?






One's a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker.

Two guys are chatting in the lockerroom after a workout, and one says to the other "Okay, let me ask you a question. If you could have sex with any woman, living or dead, who would it be?"
And the second guy thinks for a moment, and then says "Hmmm. I would have to say: Britney Spears, dead."

====

A guy comes home from work and finds his girlfriend sitting on the porch, crying.
"What's wrong, honey?"
"I'm leaving you! I just found out you're a pedophile!!!"
"Pedophile?!? Why, that's a pretty big word for a ten-year old..."

What's blue and fucks little boys?

Me in my lucky blue suit.

"What's the difference between eating pussy and eating sushi?"
"I don't know either." ;-P

agro, that pedophile joke is one of my alltime faves : >

(and you're all sick bastards! more! more!)

What do you do with a dog with no legs?
Take it for a drag.

Does anyone have a copy of that club techno song from the 90s that goes "There are two things in this world that smell like fish... and one of them is fish" (inspired by mischief)?

What's the difference between a big deer and what Batman gives Batgirl?
*BZZT* Time's up! A big deer is a fat buck.

Wanna hear a dirty joke? A pig jumped in the mud! *rimshot*
Wanna hear a dirtier joke? That same pig then took a shit on your grandmother and fucked her in the mud.
Wanna hear an even dirtier joke? Well, I'm not telling you one; you're a pig!

Is it painful yet? The best of these require physical delivery. They're just not the same unless it's in person.

A weathly husband and wife go out for the evening. Before they leave, they give their live-in butler the night off. Midway through their dinner, they get into a fight, and the wife leaves in their car. She comes home, bolts the door behind her and stampedes into the living room where she finds the butler on the couch, watching TV. She gets between him and the TV, turns it off, and then turns around to face him. In a very low, even, controlled voice, she says to him: "Jeeves, I want you to unzip my dress and take it off." And he does. Then she says to him: "Jeeves, I want you to unclip my garters and roll down my stockings." And he does. Then she says to him: "Jeeves, I want you to reach around and unclasp my bra." And he does. Finally, she says: "Jeeves, I want you to take off my panties. And if I EVER CATCH YOU IN MY CLOTHES AGAIN...."

Maybe I should read that one for my MeCha voices segment. The it doesn't read as well as it tells. Or I could tell the one about the snails. "C'mon guys, we're almost there!" though I think you need to see that one.

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbitt ?

Are you gonna eat that?!

What's the difference between a Palestinian baby and a Passover pastry?

Nothing!

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing. You already told her twice.

=====

A little girl is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea and crying her eyes out. A man approaches and says, "Little girl, why are you so upset?"

The girl turns to him and says, "My mommy and daddy were in their car -- and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the rocks down there."

The man looks around carefully while unbuttoning his pants and says, "It's just not your day, is it?"

What does Michael Jackson have in common with caviar?




They're both black and they come on little crackers.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals?
Still no fucking eye deer.

"Give me 12 inches and make me bleed" she cried.
So I fucked her three times and smacked her in the mouth.

What do you do when your wife comes out of the kitchen?
Shorten the chain.

What do you use to open bottles of beer when you are on the couch?
Nothing - they shold be open when the bitch brings them to you.

What are the proportions of the ideal woman?
Four feet tall, with a flat head, so you can rest your beer on it while she sucks you off.

What's the best thing about a 12 year-old girl?
If you turn her over, she's a 12 year-old boy.

Yup, goin' to hell fur shore.

Wanna hear a dirty joke? A man fell in the mud.

Wanna hear a clean joke? He took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the lady next door.

-from the grade school bus, circa early 1980s.

Man, is this thing still on? *tap tap*

So a priest, a rabbi, and a boyscout are all on a plane, flying home from a deserted island where they were stranded in another joke. There's a loud explosion, followed by some slight vibration. Then, there's another explosion on the other side, and things start to shake pretty badly. The pilot comes back into the cabin and says: "We've lost both engines. It's been nice knowing you. By the way, there are only two parachutes left after I leave with this one." And with that, he opens the door and jumps out. The three passengers all look at each other. The rabbi, thinking quickly says, "Son, we two adults will decide between the two of us which of us will stay behind, and which will jump with you. Excuse us for a moment." And he motions the priest to the back of the plane by the parachutes. He grabs one, throws it to the priest, and puts the other one on himself. He says to the priest: "Let's go." But the priest asks, "What about the boy scout?" The rabbi responds: "Fuck the boyscout!" The priest looks at him and blinks, twice. Then he asks: "Do we have time?"