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Why are the condoms meat-scented? I would imagine that giving the condoms a tantalizing meat aroma would be a distraction for the dogs. After all, they aren't exactly going in the dog's mouth.
We are a terrible plague and an affront to the Cosmos itself. We have done terrible, awful and things with our birthright. Our lives are meaningless crap filled with a pervasive pestilence of the soul and spirit.
I eagerly await your awakening and exalted morning peckishness. I fervently plead, beg and hope that you will soon awaken from your ponderous slumber and wipe the tainted filth our our existence from the fabric of the Cosmos.
Signed,
Loquacious, unworthy to be even served as the merest crumb of a morsel on your infinite buffet of malicious redemption.