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10 November 2005
Oldest, middle, youngest, only? Where do you fit in?
Having a controlling older sister, and a younger, controllable little brother really does something to a person.
Plus, your parents are always concerned that they might not be giving you enough attention, while they're simultaneously worried that you need time alone. Which results in attention whenever you want it, which--because you're the middle child and mostly just want to be alone in your room reading comics--works out very nicely.
You have none of the "responsibilities" of the oldest, and none of the baby-treatment of the youngest. Perfect.
When I was growing up (my brothers didn't enter the picture until I was in my teens) I wished that I had a sister. I admit I was spoiled and got a lot of attention and that was nice but it could be lonely. Especially towards the end of my parents marriage when things were bad. It would have been nice to have someone to lean on.
Second of two (both girls). i'm close to my sister -- wanting to be near her and my nephews was a big factor in my decision to move to LA -- and it's interesting to see, now as adults, the ways in which we're surprisingly similar as well as the ways in which we persist in being wildly different. (She tends towards bossy overachiever; me, more easygoing underachiver.) I can say honestly I've never wanted to be an only child -- even when she and I have gone through rough patches, I genuinely can't conceive of not being her sister -- it's just so fundamental to my identity.
Aww box, you're never seemed maladjusted to me. :-)
I only ask because my kid may well end up an only and I wonder if that's going to affect her in the long run. Especially because, like Scody, my sisters are so important in my life. (Pains in the ass though they may be.)
I never wished I had siblings. But then again I was introverted, and more the "neglected accidental" only rather than the "spoiled" only. I had my books. And I did have a lot of friends, and we lived close to my cousin.
It probably just didn't occur to me. It also didn't occur to me to ask why I didn't know my father till I was about 10 -- I was a bit of a fucked up kid.
Second of two, an older brother. We were pretty close in age, but I've always been smarter than him, school-wise, while he has enormous amounts of empathy and social skills that I lack. I never wanted to be an only child - my parents always loved me best :)
Raised as an only child, but youngest of six siblings, none of whom I know well. My bio-father had had a family with his ex-wife in which the kids were pretty much grown by the time I came along. And my mother had given up a daughter for adoption in 1963, whom I only found out about in 1997.
My kid's most likely going to be an only as well. Don't worry, jrossi, it can be a great upbringing if you provide her lots of opportunity for socialization (sharing toys included) and make the effort not to spoil her. You don't sound like the spoiling kind, so she's off to a great start.
I only ask because my kid may well end up an only and I wonder if that's going to affect her in the long run.
Being an only can be a wonderful experience. Up until my parents divorced I was happy being an only child and the problems I had then really had nothing to do with the fact that I had no siblings and everything to do with the fact that my parents handled the situation atrociously.
That said, will you be my big sister too? I'll do your chores for a week if you'll teach me some dirty jokes.
Only. The only time I wished for siblings was on rainy days, and I grew up in a drought. Then again, my mom is a single mom and we were pretty poor when I was a kid, so I would have had fewer opportunities if she had to spread the money around. I went to daycare, so I was plenty socialized.
I think I would say the main ways I notice being an only now is that I am most comfortable being the one younger person around older folks (though now it's being twenty-five around thirtysomethings, I was better with adults when I was little), and I don't like people screwing with my stuff & the way I arranged it. Then again, I'm a little OCD.
I think I would say the main ways I notice being an only now is that I am most comfortable being the one younger person around older folks (though now it's being twenty-five around thirtysomethings, I was better with adults when I was little), and I don't like people screwing with my stuff & the way I arranged it.
Oh, I'm the same way. I always felt comfortable being around older people when I was young.
I'm also rather protective of my personal space and time. I need to have time alone regularly or I get a little twitchy.
Fourth of five and the only girl. Oldest bro is 9 years older, second oldest is 7 years older and the next older bro is almost 5 years older. In many ways it was like my younger bro (2.25 years younger) and I were a separate family. I frequently wished to be an only child or at least born into a different family. Well, when I wasn't wishing I had an older sister, that is.
Even with so many siblings, I also felt more comfortable with older people when I was a kid. And I freak out when I'm around a lot of people for too long (even when it's people I know). I need a space to go to decompress if only for a few minutes.
I'm the oldest of two girls... But for seven years I was an "only", so I kind of got to have two slices of pie. I did always also want a brother, though.
I always like to say you never miss what you never had, and I don't really mind not having siblings (what I did mind was being the total overwhelming focus of my mom's overcontrolling gaze, but that is a subject for another day.)
Anyhow, I now pick and choose who I want for brothers and sisters amongst my friends. That works out nicely. My best friend is more a sister to me than any natural sibling could ever be. People even think we are sisters. Which is cool.
I was an only (and the oldest grandkid, which actually meant a lot in my family) until I was eleven and then my half-brother was born who has severe autism. Talk about a huge change. As an only kid, I never wished for a sibling and having to not only deal with that addition, but his illness took some time. Now I don't see him very often (live 2000 miles away) and I wonder if I'll regret that at some point.
Classic troubled middle child. The only girl between two brothers. Six male cousins. And for some reason, we always ended up in boy heavy neighborhoods. So I'm good at blowing stuff up.
Only child of both parents together (also the youngest). 4 half siblings on the father's side, 1 brother on the mother's side, but in effect grew up as an only child because none of the half siblings lived with us (and also because there is a 10 year gap between the one before me and myself!)
It's kinda wierd coz we've all grown up separately so we're not close, but we all know we have siblings out there somewhere...
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