MetaChat - AskMeCha: My boss doesn't know my name...

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04 November 2005

AskMeCha: My boss doesn't know my name... So, I work part time as a law clerk at a firm while I'm in school. One of the guys-with-his-name-on-the-letterhead, a man in his 70s, has begun regularly addressing me by the wrong name. I don't care about that, but my question is: What's more polite, ignoring the error, or finding a way to subtly clue him in? And if it's the latter, how?

post by: amro at: 09:34 | 19 comments

That's a tough one - it might be easier to just ignore it if it really really really doesn't bother you, but if someone overhears him calling you the wrong name, they might correct him and then he might feel like a horse's ass. Or maybe he won't?

posted by iconomy 04 November | 09:45

Yeah, I'm really just afraid of him feeling like a jerk.

He calls me Isabelle. No idea where he got that from, but it's really pretty, at least.

posted by amro 04 November | 09:50

Just say "Oh, HAHAHAHAHA I'm not Isabelle you senile prick."

or "Oh, my name isn't Isabelle, it's [name]" if you want to be polite or whatever.

posted by cmonkey 04 November | 09:52

I don't think you need to be subtle. Do what cmonkey said, and if he gets all apologetic, smile at him and tell him at least Isabelle is a pretty name.

posted by sciurus 04 November | 10:04

My husband had this problem for years. The president of his company kept calling him by the wrong name. He did this:
"Hi, Matt."
"Rossi." (Said while smiling as if sharing an in-joke.)
"Rossi! Of course! Have I been calling you Matt all this time?"

No harm done. It all went down very casually. And the boss even jokingly calls him Matt from time to time.

posted by jrossi4r 04 November | 10:05

You don't want to make one of the partners angry. Just have your name legally changed.

posted by Armitage Shanks 04 November | 11:01

Haha! Even if he knew your name, it doesn't necessarily mean that he would call you by it.

People that have known me for years -- including, yes, my current manager -- often refer to me by any number of names, usually starting with the first letter of my real name.

So, James, I mean, Jerry, uh... John... what do you think about this?

I think it's funny.

posted by With move as the Kimchi the user who knows 04 November | 11:23

I'd politely remind him of my real name.

This kinda happened to me in my algebra class. The teacher called roll call using both first and last names. For some reason she kept calling me Deborah Walters instead of Walton. It didn't bother me, but a classmate finally called her on it. She was rather embarrassed but managed to remember the correct name from then on.

Another weird name thing - whenever someone screws up my first name, they call me Brenda. Weird.

posted by deborah 04 November | 11:41

Maybe he just likes you so much he gave you a nickname.

posted by agropyron 04 November | 11:57

This happened to me in grade school. My first name is more common as a last name and for a whole school year a teacher called me Dobbs, thinking it was my first name. One day near the end of the year I got called to the office via the PA System andd the announce said my name properly. The teacher brought down hellfire on my head for not correcting her. She was furious.

I didn't have the heart to tell her that I hate my given name and prefered she not use it anyway but whatever, I learned that when those of authority are making embarassing mistakes, they prefer to be corrected before being outted in front of the whole class.

posted by dobbs 04 November | 11:57

Armitage Shanks has it -- politeness does not require us to allow other people to change our names. Just say something like, "oh, actually my name is [ ]," and then when he is overcome with embarrassment you can smile and add that a lot of people find your name confusing. This gives him an excuse even if your name is really simple.

Me, I always have trouble with people mishearing my name when they meet me and calling me Janice instead of Janet, no matter how hard I hit the "t" when I say my name.

posted by JanetLand 04 November | 14:17

Have a third party use your name repeatedly and loudly in his presence.

posted by kero 04 November | 14:20

Good advises here.

He may be a doofus and get your name wrong forever, but you can respect him enough to give him a chance to get it right.

Either that or wear a big nametag above your left breast. (No jokes about what the other one's name is, pleaseandthankyou.)

posted by reflecked 04 November | 14:55

I'm "Dan", of course, but I can't tell you the number of times I've been called "Dave". Depending on circumstance I smile it off or correct them, with this anecdote about how I must look like a Dave or something because people call me that all the time.

posted by stilicho 04 November | 17:16

"Most people call me amro"
"I prefer to be called amro"
"In professional settings, I prefer amro"

posted by grateful 04 November | 17:20

Mmm, having this problem with one colleague mis-spelling my name. The problem is that she sends correspondence elsewhere referring to me and spreads the misuse.

You know the partner; we don't. If you think he'll take it well then mention it. If not, then don't. But if you actually do *assignments* for him, you're going to want that positive assessment if you're hoping to get hired on there, and then it's critical that he has your name right, or it will at least look like you didn't make much of an impression. (disclaimer: former big firm clerk)

posted by dreamsign 04 November | 18:44

Well, I'm definitely not going to be working there after I graduate, just until April. I don't really do assignments for him, just fetch him opinions occasionally. I've gotten references from other attorneys for whom I've done substantive work.

Maybe I can pretend I don't hear the "Isabelle"... After all, it's only until April.

posted by amro 04 November | 18:55

I'd explain, politely, once. If he doesn't get it after that, just answer to Isabelle and go on, under the circumstances.
I always say something like I'll answer to about anything, but I'd hate for you not to be able to reach/find me if you needed me. Make it about him, not you.

posted by unrepentanthippie 05 November | 13:09

Just refuse to acknowledge him when he speaks to you and, if he gets insistent, say "Sorry, were you talking to me?" "I thought you were talking to someone named Isabelle, but my name is [insert name]" Bonus points for every time you can do this to the same person with a different name inserted.

posted by dg 06 November | 16:58

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