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03 November 2005
"You son of a dick!" Ever hear somebody butcher an insult, either from unfamiliarity with the language or ignorance of the idiom?
suck, fuck, dick, cock... Can we just agree that all four-letter words ending in "ck" are satisfyingly filthy and can be stuck (close!) together any old way to express annoyance, rage or arousal? Now, get off my sock and wick my dock, you sick peck.
When I worked as a computer salesman in Miami, one of the assistant managers was a woman from Peru with a very thick accent. Also, one product which carried a big bonus commission for salespeople was a kids educational software called "Clever Island." She'd pitch to clients all the time, except she always pronounced it "Cleaver Island," which I imagined disconcerted parents a bit. One day I took her aside and told her how she was misspeaking and what a "cleaver," was. "Oh dios mio, you mean macheta," she she gasped mortified.
I went out with a woman that loved to tell people to "unfuck" themselves because she believed, rightly, that fucking was generally a good thing and telling people to go fuck themselves when pissed off just makes no sense.
And I generally call people Dutchbags now instead of douchebags.
eekacat, I'm right there with you. Its funnier when you say something and see people all puzzled trying to figure it out.
We have a friend who was, back in the day, the king of stringing together obscenities. They technically didn't make sense, but they had a beautiful tone-poem-like quality. I particularly liked when he included the phrase "douche fuck."
mgl, I like jesus fuck, too, but the dishwasher at work, a sweet highschool kid, look horrified and furiously crosses himself several times when I say it so now I've been guilted out of a great phrase.
I had a boss at a plastics factory who had pretty poor command of English, and the only swear he knew was "asshole." So when I slacked off or took to many breaks, he would say, "Get back to work, asshole." Which is normal.
But once I got him mad (I showed up late and drunk, and kept taking breaks to smoke and drink more beer) and he started yelling, "You slow asshole! You stupid asshole! Asshole! I fire you asshole! You don't work, asshole! Asshole, you go work now, asshole!" Which cracked me up.
I responded, "I am not slow. You can call me anything else, asshole, and asshole is fine, but I'm not slow. I'm so fast, I'm faster than me. I run circles around you, asshole. Asshole, fuck you, asshole." Which got me fired.
My faves all came from a German girl I was seeing for awhile. They do love to string words together, obscenities included. She'd add about eight things to schweinne-hund and, well... it all sounded hot to me.
A coworker of mine would say something very rapidly in German when he was dismayed. I always assumed it was a curse, and one day I asked him. He replied, "oh, no, that's not a curse. It just means 'window putty.' It just sounds like a curse to english-speakers."
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