It's possible that f you were male, you'd be socialized into not admitting that you don't know. No shame, no flake, Specklet. Make the contractor explain; it's not your job to know everything. There's a difference between inept and not getting the info you need to do your part.

Having done a lot of project management with contractors, I suspect this guy is getting ready to cream the client with a bunch of change orders.

Reject his bid if you have the lattitude. If not, put a stop work order on the job and shut it down the first time he pulls a stunt.

The first time I ran into this sort of thing, a contractor had used silicone to glue conduit instead of drilling and setting anchors. I felt horrible about catching them at it -- there had already been a bunch of other intentional screwups. I thought it would totally wreck the "working relationship." I went back to the office and told my boss. He immediately picked up the phone, called the client and invoked the stop work order part of our contract. The shit totally hit the fan. And that contractor never screwed around again.

Anybody that pulls this sort of thing isn't doing their job right.

People like this deliberately make the simple sound complicated when speaking to women about "manly" things. This is not because you are inept, rather the complete opposite - it is they who are inept. Make them explain as much as you need - it isn't necessary for you to understand every little technical thing about his job for your to do yours.

My SO and I once carried out an experiment when our car needed some reapair - we both took the car to the same mechanic and got completely different information, along with two different prices, one of which was twice that of the other. No prizes for guessing which one was higher. Guys like this give the rest of us a bad name.

On the other hand, I often used to get quite condescending comments from women who found out I was a single parent to a girl. Things like "so who buys her clothes for you?" Which used to make me want to slap them, so I have some understanding about how women are treated in this aspect.

I deal with GC's all the time, and believe me, many of them try to snoozle whomever they can regardless of gender ... if they think they can get away with it. The only thing that's helped me is to learn, learn, learn as much as I can. A good GC will want your repeat business so will take the time to explain things to you to your satisfaction. I'm not proficient in this type of "manly" activity, so I ask a lot of questions. If the GC clouds the answers or is evasive, I look for another bid.

I can, however, pick out a tile flooring/paint scheme arrangement for you that will make you swoon.

Thanks guys, I go home now and relax. Things will be better tomorrow.

Having supervised the building of my current house from the ground up, and having done a complete remodel (seriously, the second floor fell into the first floor two weeks after we bought the place...), I've learned a lot about dealing with contractors.

Firstly, any contractor who tries to obfuscate things is not to be trusted.

I don't know what you're trying to get done, so I can't offer any specific tips, but if you want to give more detail about the project, I'd be glad to help you figure stuff out. :)

my female architech/CG friends will have to be notified

quoting me quoting me paraphrasing me paraphrasing:

it's money, fear, and respect
if they can get more money they will
if they can get away they will
respect keeps 'em in line.
now, some males spook real easy
ya gotta modulate your voice as the higher pitched sounds tend to make some ornery or skittish. Keep a firm and consistent tone and even but secure pressure.
soon, they will be waiting for you to open the door to let them out instead of scratching up the good wood

Having spent 6 months on a kitchen rehab, I feel your pain. And I agree with the above -- if he's not making it clear what he's going to do, it's for a (bad) reason. If he hems and haws about the explanation, drop him like a hot pancake.

Let him glimpse your boobs and feel your power. Hell, I didn't even see them in person and I'm already completely under your command. MUST. KILL. LINCOLN.

For $200, I'll gladly drive down. It's only five hours down I-5.

Just introduce me as your "project management consultant." I will be happy to explain to him how a few well-chosen stop work orders will really alter his financial picture.

Ask questions until you are satisfied with the answers. After a question event horizon is reached the GC will start to think you actually know all of this and are just testing him. I'm serious. It has worked for me many times. [full disclosure: i am a dude]

Take him out behind the shed and kick his ass. Then, when you're standing over him, and he's all moaning and spitting teeth and you're squatting over him and pissing in his hair, you tell him he's working for free or you're telling his friends he got his ass kicked and got pissed on by a woman.

A sexy-hot ass-kicking hair-pissing don't-take-no-guff woman. Ow-ow-Owoooooooooo!

I'm a Project Manager for a big huge GC (and I'm a girl), so if you need someone to bounce questions off of, drop me an email - spottydog at moosedogtoo dot com.

Thanks all, I feel better. Fortunately, it's not just me the GC has to answer to, it's my GM and he knows his shit. We'll get it all figured out.

oh, you will.
you will.