It's not you. It's them.

Trust me.

That's exactly what I wanted to hear, bunnyfire.

do you have to see them a lot?

they hate me too. What's with them??

That's the funny thing, amberglow. They live about 5 miles away and I wish we saw them more. We see them about once a month, which would be more than enough for me, but we've got a kid and it upsets me that they don't want to spend more time with their grandchild.

My inlaws hate you too, joelf?

If they really don't want to spend time with their own grandkid, then they're pretty worthless, in my book. Maybe it's a good thing overall?

Ew. My in-laws (MIL, specifically) contributed greatly to the demise of my marriage. What exactly is going on?

Basically...they threw a party today that my hubby and kid were invited to only when it became abundantly clear that I wouldn't be able to make it. Sad part is that I get along great with his extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) and would have made a point of seeing them had I known.

They just have never really gotten over the fact that their golden boy, captain of the basketball team, president of the class son chose to marry a liberal feminist agnostic instead of the head cheerleader.

What happened with you, Millie?

I remember when my ex-husband's new girlfriend called me up one night in tears, unable to believe that my xMIL could be that psychotic and that mean. It resonated, because not long after I married the man, I had had occasion to call his first wife in tears for the same damn reason. Yuck. I don't know why people do that to their children; it becomes some kind of deranged competition, and it's gross. Be assured that it's them, not you and yes, it's the pits. Maybe let your husband take the kid over to visit and just bow out of their lives? You might be happier.

Ouch, jrossi. That is sad. Cheerleaders suck anyway. LOL

My MIL thinks I am fantastic, but her daughter, not so much.

The war between me and my in-laws was not unlike the Western Front of 1916 -- bloody massacres reduced to occasional sniping after all the parties could no longer muster the force to keep going.

Only the birth of our daughter finally gave us the leverage to keep my M-I-L in check. The fear of not being able to see the kid has kept her as pleasant as pie for four and a half years.

I eagerly await the chance to spit on her grave someday.

mygothlaundry, in that case I blame the man. He allows the crap, right?


Some people should come with warning labels.

Well I'm glad to see that I'm in good company. MGL, it sounds like you've got a nice odd little support group going.

They're back from the party now. Apparently, my husband's aunt gave him the rundown on all the lengths they went to to shut me out. It pissed her off and she sent him home with the message, "Tell that girl we all adore her." So now I feel a little better about the whole "It's not me, it's them" thing.

As you've found out, it's definitely them not you. I was gonna say what amberglow did - it's probably a good thing that you don't see them often. BUT. Since the rest of the family loves you, and the aunt has made that clear, it makes visiting more of sticky wicket. Any chance of having the rest of the family to your house for visits and leave the in-laws stewing in their own juices at home?

jrossi, my inlaw situation seems eerily similar to yours... My ex-inlaws live about three hundred miles away in Colorado. MIL had made a habit of snubbing me whenever possible, but the last straw was when she sent the hubby *one* plane ticket to come visit, but excluded me and our then 4-year-old daughter. He emailed her and said pretty much WTF, Mom? She forwarded the email to the entire extended family and made some disparaging comments to the effect that I had taken her son away from her, but she accidentally cc'd us as well. I wrote back, cc'ing everyone, and told her that if she wanted to exclude me and the kid, I would have no problem making it a permanent arrangement. Later in the year, I did just that.

Sorry you're going through this. Family crap is harder to deal with when they live close by. For the sake of your kid, I hope she wakes up and starts treating you decently. Good luck.

Wow. Sad stories, y'all.

jrossi4r, I think you should begin having extra-nice family get-togethers at your place occasionally... with everyone invited. The parents in law probably won't come, but the others will, and they'll start hearing about everything they missed.

One would hope that they might begin to wonder why they are cutting themselves out of all the fun.

One would hope. Sadly, though, some people just love their grudges and their bitterness much more than they love anything else, and in the end there's not much to be done. If that's the case here, the best you can do is maximise the remaining good stuff.