There used to be, probably still is, a laptop and computer hardware manufacturer that was the standard in hardened computing. Do you recall who it is? Seems like the military bought them and, I seem to recall from when I worked for Schlumberger for a while, that oilfield people buy them as well. I always thought one of those would be cool. But very, very expensive.

dosn't look anything like a hummer.

I want a laptop that can give me a blowjob.

"hardened" computing!

You'll have to charge the battery every twenty minutes.

And what's with the 'Power Ranger' styling?

I want to key it.

Heavy, noisy, ugly and uses lots of fuel?

Integrated GPS and WWAN nice, ok. Nice toys. If they work together, or work reliably at all.

"Quite simply, it's the toughest platform in today's ruggedized laptop market."

Uh, no. Listen, Hummer. You don't mind if I call you "Hummer" do you? Look. You don't even have a fully spill-proof keyboard tray. You're merely spill resistant. Hell, my 9 year old Toshiba Satellite is "spill resistant". You still see those old all gray Satellites in squadcars and hospital carts even today. I dropped one down a flight of brick stairs once with the lid open without even a scratch to the LCD.

Your so-called "toughest platform in today's ruggedized laptop market" classification would merely begin at something like the Panasonic Toughbook series, or semi-ruggeds like Durabooks.

Even your own Itronix parents have more rugged offerings. And there are dozens if not hundreds of competitors, if not outright superiors in the field of military and industrial mobile computing.

Look, those sweater-wearing yuppie fucktwats might not know the difference between an H2 and a Tahoe, or a ruggedized portable and a fancy-pants notebook, but you and I sure do. Or have you forgotten already? What? You're kidding. Frontin' even since HMMV? Cold, man. Yeah, I'll see you around. No, really, I'll call you.

Itronix isn't the name I remember from the 90s, loquacious. Do you recall what the company was that was the industry leader in this area?

it's a devastatingly funny spoof, but why don't they get stopped by the Hummer corporation?

Sager was probably it, kmellis. I remember seeing lots of ads for their armored units in various disreputable computer rags.

Y'know, those ones that had all the hundreds and thousands of ads with all those wonkily typeset dense parts lists.

Don't forget the equally ugly Ferrari laptop.

It has special red paint on it that makes it go faster.

Panasonic Toughbooks, kmellis.

The Hello Kitty 30 Years of Cute Edition NEC Ultralight could drag the Hummer through the dirt. For the luddites who prefer Moleskiene journals, I would recommend a Jeep Brand Licensed Bicycle.

as silly looking and as wimpy as the Hummer itself.

`fucktwat` doesn't really work as an insult.

It must have a really small disk.

hey, it was the only joke left

One of the big names used to be GRID, until they were bought and neutered by Tandy (at least in the US). One time a GRID salesman slammed a running laptop to the floor in front of us (without warning) and reveled in our cringes. It was fine.

GRID! Yes! Too bad about Tandy buying them, though.

Yeah, check it out:

• Def Stan 59-41 Air Class, Land Class and Carrier Above Decks Limits
• Def Stan 00-35 Explosive Atmosphere Zone 2 Cat 3
• Configurable Back panel with MIL-SPEC Connectors
• Extended Temperature Range -40 to +55 Deg C
• TEMPEST Options
• UK Designed and Built
• Long Product Life - Greater than 10 Years

That's the real deal.