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27 September 2005

PEOPLE WITH STUPID NAMES I HAVE KNOWN Your starter for 10:
  • Helmut Boner (IBM Employee)
  • Stella T. Krzelj (also IBM Employee)
  • Semon Kokhlov (semen cocklove)
post by: Pretty_Generic at: 18:11 | 46 comments
Theodore Panjganj
posted by Pretty_Generic 27 September | 18:13
Will Swallow (colleague)
posted by agropyron 27 September | 18:14
Mike Hunt (producer of a documentary I was in; "one of the most exciting things Mike Hunt has produced")
posted by Pretty_Generic 27 September | 18:14
SriRupa Deadwyler (mefioso; awesome name)
posted by Pretty_Generic 27 September | 18:15
Crystal Stone (violinist; hippy parents)
posted by Pretty_Generic 27 September | 18:19
Todd Lokkin (oblig.)
posted by Pretty_Generic 27 September | 18:20
Chris Smith
posted by Capn 27 September | 18:20
"Chris Smith"

No fuckin' way! I knew a Chris Smith! That's an amazing coincidence.
posted by mr_crash_davis 27 September | 18:27
Mr. Vlungas, 4th grade teacher. Of all the careers he could have gone into, he had to pick the one where he would be called Mr. Fungus every day for the rest of his life.
posted by mygothlaundry 27 September | 18:27
Oh god, I forgot #1:

Wayne.

Wayne is not a particularly stupid name in itself. However, this particular Wayne could not pronounce his Rs. He decided to become a meteorologist for my local news weather.

"There's a wapid motion of wain coming in from the west" etc
posted by Pretty_Generic 27 September | 18:30
I blame weverse discwimination.
posted by Pretty_Generic 27 September | 18:30
When I was a bike messenger, I once had to deliver a document to a Mr. Dick Pricker, get him to sign it, and then return it to the law firm.

His office turned out to be an huge insurance company cube farm with no receptionist, no employee directory and lots of temps who didn't know each other. It took me ten minutes of "Do you know who Dick Pricker is?" and almost getting slapped a few times before I finally found the guy.
posted by freshwater_pr0n 27 September | 18:40
kevin titsworth, kid up the street.
posted by quonsar 27 September | 18:43
Jewel Hymann (ok, I didn't know her, she was one of my parents' classmates)
Candy Cotton (she was the youngest of 5 kids, and her parents had kind of thrown in the towel on the whole naming thing at that point)
posted by whatnot 27 September | 18:45
Robin Hood, beautiful girl and music geek.
posted by mischief 27 September | 18:53
Dick Dangle, dean of my college in the late 1980s.
posted by BoringPostcards 27 September | 18:59
Wally Wacker
Timothy D* Brown (yes *)
Crystal Chanda Lear
posted by kero 27 September | 19:22
I don't know her last name, but my old colleague Cecilia had a daughter named Assump3ta. Unlike a certain Mecha, the 3 in her name was silent.
posted by goatdog 27 September | 19:30
And there was a Thai student in my dorm in college with the unfortunate name Porndog.
posted by goatdog 27 September | 19:31
My parents went to school with Elvis Pigg, and I lived down the street from a Mary Christmas.
posted by mudpuppie 27 September | 19:34
Porndog. löl. röfl.
posted by Pretty_Generic 27 September | 19:36
My sister's 5th grade teacher was Mr. Fagg. I went to the same school, but by the time I got to grade 5 he was no longer a teacher there. I can only assume he hung himself from the rafters of the cafetorium.
posted by item 27 September | 19:37
"I can only assume he hung hanged himself"
posted by mr_crash_davis 27 September | 19:43
Curt Weiner
posted by LeeJay 27 September | 20:11
"posted by mr_crash_davis Mr. Crash Davis 27 September"
posted by item 27 September | 20:20
I used to have a neighbor named Charlie Brown.

I don't know him personally, but the Cubs' bench coach is Dick Pole.
posted by sisterhavana 27 September | 20:36
There's a girl I have met named Summer Thyme.
posted by muddgirl 27 September | 21:26
Oh, and of course, the California Assemblyman Dick Dickerson.
posted by muddgirl 27 September | 21:27
I had a boss, who was a dead ringer for George Bush Sr. His name was Richard Weiss, but when he introduced himself, he said "Call me 'Dick'"

If you insist.
posted by jonmc 27 September | 21:33
i have a very good friend named rich little. he is married to marrie osmun.
posted by quonsar 27 September | 21:48
I had an uncle named Tiny Johnson. Tiny was his birth name.
posted by DeepFriedTwinkies 27 September | 21:55
Sine Nee ( say Shiny").
posted by puddinghead 27 September | 22:15
Lik Fun (colleague)
posted by pliskie 27 September | 22:18
Sisters Lena and Stora Bröst.
(I'm not kidding - Lena also means smooth and Stora means large. Bröst means breasts. Their dad had a weird sense of humor it was apparantly his idea.) Lena and Stora both married young (17 and 18) and took on their husbands ever so common -son names at once, finally putting an end to the jokes.
posted by dabitch 27 September | 23:18
Worked with a Pepper White for a bit. Imagine her name on a school class roster.
posted by me3dia 27 September | 23:47
Name removed by request.
posted by Peak Oil 28 September | 00:01
There's a reporter on TV here in Denver whose name is Wei Wong.

In school, she would have answered to 'wrong way.' Great.

But I feel guilty for obliquely picking on her ethnicity or something.
posted by teece 28 September | 01:38
We had a customer at my old company named Dennis Yeast, who was referred to us by his best friend, John P. Burns.

I went to grade school with Nada Wonder.

But Dick Butkus is still my favorite.
posted by cali 28 September | 03:27
posted by Hugh Janus 28 September | 08:37
Loucas Christodoulides (aka CripyDelicious)
posted by Doohickie 28 September | 08:45
Oh, and my wife, if my mother-in-law had gotten her way, would have been named Penelope Candice (i.e., Penny Candy). A narrow escape, that.
posted by Doohickie 28 September | 08:47
Buck Burke
Brandon Brandon (no lie)

I can't remember their last names, but in high school, one of the more popular couples were Precious & Lucius.
posted by Specklet 28 September | 13:24
Bucky Beaver! His first name might actually been something else, but his mail was addressed to Bucky.

I also knew twins named Melody and Harmony.
posted by wannabehippie 28 September | 15:09
My mother looked after two sisters called Porche and Mercedes.
posted by Pretty_Generic 28 September | 16:23
Well, Mercedes is a girl's name; the car was named after the owner's daughter, you know. As for the Porche, I've heard of several traditions where a child is named after something memorable about the birth. Maybe mom got to the hospital in a Porche? (or wishes she did?)
posted by Doohickie 28 September | 23:58
Bucky Beaver! His first name might actually been something else, but his mail was addressed to Bucky.

I also knew twins named Melody and Harmony.


In what can only be a very strange coincidence, I used to work with a woman named Melody Beaver.
posted by bmarkey 29 September | 00:01
← Apologies to our latest wine label artists. || I just found $3000... →

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