MetaChat - For reasons pertaining to national security,

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19 September 2005

For reasons pertaining to national security, the CIA has to erase your identity and relocate you. You are asked to choose an entirely new name. What do you pick?

post by: agropyron at: 15:33 | 49 comments

I think I'd go with Damian Black.

posted by agropyron 19 September | 15:34

Hugh Janus.

posted by Hugh Janus 19 September | 15:39

But if they were relocating my MeChanism, I'd pick:

Fffffff Hhhhhhha.

posted by Hugh Janus 19 September | 15:40

Rod Steel

posted by Capn 19 September | 15:42

Huge Anus

posted by papercake 19 September | 15:45

or Biggus Dickus

posted by papercake 19 September | 15:46

I have a vewwy good fweind in Wome named....

posted by Hugh Janus 19 September | 15:48

Ron Mexico?

posted by selfnoise 19 September | 15:48

(Hugh: I can't even THINK of that scene without tittering like a little schoolgirl.)

posted by papercake 19 September | 15:51

Conservatace
≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by mcgraw 19 September | 15:54

Valarie Plame

posted by dodgygeezer 19 September | 15:57

NEW QUESTION: For reasons pertaining to national security, the CIA has to erase your identity and relocate you. You are asked to choose an entirely new name, which must be one of either

Buttercup Gaylord
Gaylord Buttercup

What do you pick?

posted by Pretty_Generic 19 September | 15:58

Gaylord Buttercup. Because it's closest to "Lord Buttercup," and then I can pretend I'm prince of all the My Little Ponies.

posted by muddgirl 19 September | 15:59

Juggernaught Jones

posted by danostuporstar 19 September | 16:00

The former. That way it just sounds like your parents are hippies.

As for the first question, I 'd go with Helen, which is my mother's name. It has the same balance and air as Sarah, which is my name and which I like (though I could do without so many others & without those bastardized "Sara" people).

posted by dame 19 September | 16:01

I always wanted a boy name, despite being a girl. Maybe I'd become Fred.

posted by gaspode 19 September | 16:03

As for the other question: Wynton Wallace Wayne. That's just a good strong name, and then people would ask me why I have 3 boy names instead of one girl name.

posted by muddgirl 19 September | 16:03

Buffy Summers.

posted by tracicle 19 September | 16:05

Hey, Pretty_Generic, what's up with outing my IRL name like that? (For the record, it's #1).

I chose Hugh Janus to sound tough. Sheesh.

posted by Hugh Janus 19 September | 16:08

For pure hilarity, i would like my name to be Rusty Dwayne Pipes...

for serious: Martin Remsen

posted by Schyler523 19 September | 16:09

Wynonna Finkelstein.

posted by mudpuppie 19 September | 16:13

I always thought "Aardvark Allen" would sound nice.

posted by Aardvark Lenny 19 September | 16:13

LEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOY JEEEEENNNNNNNNKINNNSSSSSS!

(spelled exactly that way, of course)

posted by briank 19 September | 16:16

Hal I. Burton

posted by orthogonality 19 September | 16:20

Laurence Tureaud
≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by dfowler 19 September | 16:28

Lichen Catweb.

posted by iconomy 19 September | 16:28

Sergio Aragones.

posted by Groo the Wanderer 19 September | 16:41

David Robert Jones. Declan Patrick McManus. Madonna Louise Ciccone. Prince Roger Nelson. Robert Allen Zimmerman. Or, Henry Garfield.

posted by safetyfork 19 September | 17:00

Janice Rossi.

posted by jrossi4r 19 September | 17:01

Janice Rossi

Nah. It sounds too made-up.

posted by iconomy 19 September | 17:19

Sarah Shoe
Lily Jenkins
Henry Twig

posted by Specklet 19 September | 17:30

Marcvs Avrelivs Caesar

posted by eekacat 19 September | 18:05

Mercer Putnam.

posted by me3dia 19 September | 18:09

Benjamin Kubelsky

Google it if you wonder why.

...well!

posted by wendell 19 September | 18:28

Nah. It sounds too made-up.

How about Ico Nomy. I could tell people I was Polynesian.

Or Gus Thomas. That was the name on my hubby's fake ID back in the day.

posted by jrossi4r 19 September | 19:01

Hiro Protaganist

posted by seanyboy 19 September | 19:09

Dinah Cancer

or

Amanda Huggenkiss

or

Yuri Pedro Sven Marcus Goldstein-O'Shaunessy

posted by amberglow 19 September | 19:27

You can call me George.

posted by deborah 19 September | 20:37

≡ Click to see image ≡

Snake Muthaphuckin' Plissken. Or failing that, Johnny Wadd (SFW)

posted by jonmc 19 September | 20:43

Bob Shit.

posted by trondant 19 September | 23:08

I want to hide. I am "John Smith". Google that!

posted by caddis 19 September | 23:27

Bunnymouse!

(heh, heh, heh, Snake Plisskin. Genius, I tell you, jonmc is some kind of genius)

posted by puddinghead 20 September | 06:01

Mike Oxlong.

posted by rocket88 20 September | 11:06

For reasons of national security, hm? Depends on what nation. Here in Greece, I would become Maria Papadapoulou, or Papagiannou or something... it would take decades to track me down among all those Marias.

In the U.S., I would become Britney Britney. (Middle name: "OMG")

posted by taz 20 September | 11:29

Wayne King
- or -
Mike Hunt

posted by Skrik 20 September | 14:06

If I were hiding out in Iceland... ok, so this wouldn't help me hide, but this is the name I'd go with :

Snót Áss Guðmunðsdóttir.

(I think this is an especially good name as Áss is a masculine middle name. Keep the gender police guessing!)

posted by grapefruitmoon 20 September | 15:42

Floyd.

posted by mosch 20 September | 16:23

Major Major.

posted by dg 20 September | 17:51

Hmmm.. I liked my grandfather's name- Peder Peterson. I'd be Ellen Allensdotter.

posted by puddinghead 24 September | 00:42

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