Everything, Kansas.

Oooh, I've always wanted to be the Queen of Somewhere...: )

I was just the other day thinking about how great it would be in metafilter were a space station, and I lived there.

Oooh, I've always wanted to be the Queen of Somewhere...: )

OK--I call Empress! ; >

I call Dictator for Life! /calvin and hobbes

Y'all can claim whatever titles you want. I just want a meaningless office and a comfortable sinecure.

Heh, screw that, kenko -- I want homage.

I dibs alcohol, tobacco and firearms!

Bagsy Eminence Gris.

I dibs alcohol, tobacco and firearms!

Over my dead body, you do.

I want to be a corrupt minor official who lives well beyond their means.

* keeps an eye on kellydamnit, strokes chin in evil manner *

Dibs on court portraitist.

Maybe my sinecure can be out in the provinces, away from all the intrigue. I'm too old for this scheming.

In declaring myself Treasurer of the Reserve, I shall oversee monetary actions,
while bolstering the economy toward a healthy and exemplary state.

For our currency to be abundant, however, we'll need a lot of carrots.

Sacred N00b

Too late, jon! You'll have to settle for vice or gambling or such.

Minister of the Ramones

Too late, jon! You'll have to settle for vice or gambling or such.

How 'bout we be co-chairs?

*hands warbaby bottle of whiskey, cigar and .357 Magnum*

Actually, scratch that, I could see my self as the Repulics answer to George Patton.

*clenches cigar in teeth*

I'd follow you into hell, you magnificent bastards!

*takes a drink, puffs cigar and shoots off Jon's hat with a Lee Van Cleef leer*

*spits, looks at warbaby all laconic*

Smile when you say that, pardner.

Hangin' judge sounds like fun.

I just got a bottle of sirop de citron, so to break it in, I made a Big Boy cocktail. It was far too sweet (this is what you get for following recipes)

As my first official act, I dedicate the Big Bad Boy cocktail to jonmc:

1 1/2 oz. Brandy
1/2 oz. Cointreau
1/2 oz. Sirop de Citron
juice of 1/2 lime

Shake over ice and strain into iced cocktail glass.

*shoots Jon's hat again before it hits the ground*

Methinks we need a snappier name. How about
Republic of Metachachachania?

National Flag?
Anthem?
Bird? (not the beaver, the Canadians already have that.)

Cocktaildb is generally an excellent resource. Did you use echt Cointreau? Most triple secs are far too sweet.

Clearly the flag will be three carrots, desultorily arranged, pointing left.

Cointreau means Cointreau, sir.

Accept no substitutes.

*gets up to mix another cocktail*

Of course you are right (though Marie Brizard makes a triple sec which approximates Cointreau admirably and is $10 less), but people of your perspicacity and, dare I say it, taste are a rare breed these days.

*sips Summer Time, simpers while twirling moustache*

*makes another mint julep*

*searches for Marie Brizard*

Alas and alack! I'll have to special order some.

*drinks warbaby's cocktail*

That was nice. Have any bourbon?

Bourbon? We drink rye here, pal.

*staggers over to bar, emerges waving bottle of Old Charter, pours jonmc a shot*

Huh, that's weird. That WA liquor board search identifies Marie Brizard's triple sec as 60 proof, but the bottle in my cupboard is 78 proof. Why would they lower the proof?

*staggers back over to bar, emerges waving bottle of Old Overholt*

What? No Maker's Mark? You saving the good booze for your nice freinds?

This is Washington, who knows why they do these things? The very notion of having a state liquor control board in charge of all the booze makes me think they weren't kidding when the "and the Soviet of Washington" joke was making the rounds.

*thankful he didn't have to get out of his chair*

That seems like a reasonable policy to me, jonmc.

Ach. Whatever. Howzabout I just put on a dress and become head of the FBI?

You'll have to change your name to "Speed"

well, when establishing an ideology, it's helpful to remember those dulcet words of my hero, Handsome Dick Manitoba:


You wake up in the morning
totally confused
can't get a date
but you're getting screwed

you're searching for a reason
a way to carry on
when everything is broken
and everything is wrong

So you tried to save the whales
You found a tree to kiss
You gave a crippled child
His dying wish

You're waiting for an answer
A message from above
You've always been a sucker
Another fool in love

What's it all about
Pussy and money
I ain't tryin to be cute
I ain't tryin to be funny
Everybody lies about
Pussy and money

It's always gonna be that way
It's always gonna be that way

You see a girl
You start talkin
She sees your car
She starts walkin

Sweet success
Just take it
If you're sincere
You can fake it

What's it all about
Pussy and money
I ain't tryin to be cute
I ain't tryin to be funny
Everybody cries about
Pussy and money

It's always gonna be that way
It's always gonna be that way

You wanna be the big dog
Down on the street
But if you spill a drop of blood
The shark's gotta eat

A million stars
out of reach
A billion grains of sand
on the beach

So you pray every night
When the sun goes down
Cause there are only two things that make the world go round

What's it all about
Pussy and money
I ain't tryin to be cute
I ain't tryin to be funny
Everybody lies about
Everybody cries about
Everybody shout it out!!
Pussy and money

It's always gonna be that way
It's always gonna be that way


I nominate this as our national anthem.

or alternately another Dictators song:


Everybody should pick up a guitar
It's the American Way
You can play your part
Give it all your heart
Soon, you'll be the no-good rage
Soon, you'll be there on the stage

Singin'
I Stand Tall
I stand proud of what I am
I Stand Tall
I stand proud of what I am

I get a thrill when I click on my TV
Faitfully every night
I'm so proud to say
I was born and raised
Here, where the streets are paved
Here, in the USA

Singin'
I Stand Tall
I stand proud of what I am
I Stand Tall
I stand proud of what I am

You can circle the globe if you think you'll find a better plan
Lots of movie stars, if you're a movie star fan
Lots of pizza, ice cold Coke
Johnny Carson telling jokes
and lots and lots of American good, good girls....

I Stand Tall
I stand proud of what I am
I Stand Tall
I stand proud of what I am....


Your call.

I think I want to be the vice president & just get to dress up & attend the occasional funeral, meanwhile collecting a hefty salary and enjoying the benefits of my very own (extremely handsome) secret service agent. Or two. Why'd y'all drink all the bourbon before I got here? All I have at home is PBR and an old Genesis album I picked up used today. But hey - turns out I still know all the words to Selling England by the Pound.

I've got some Wild Turkey rye, want some?

I thought Wild Turkey was bourbon? It used to be my whisky of choice -

They make bourbon and rye, in your choice of proofs, 80 or 100!

I've always wondered if you sat down and scientifically tested the difference in proofs if you'd get drunker on 100 than 80? I'm sure you would & I'm too much of a wimp to try it, but I wonder. I also wonder, why? Why do they bother with the different proof of the same stuff thing? Do they taste different? Or is it just the get-fucked-up-quicker market who really want the higher proof?

They do taste different. Discussion here (focused mostly on applicability in mixed drinks, but also distillation proof, bottling proof, etc). Seems that in general higher proofs (than 80) used to be the rule for lots of spirits.

Cool. I like it when there is a reason. Not quite as much as when there is no reason and it's completely random, but still reasons are good.

In a complete nonsequitur, there is a liquor store in Baltimore called the House of Spirits, and I nominate that for the official name of all liquor stores in the republic of mechachacha, or whatever the name is.

Metachachachania's House of Spirits
"Liquor up front, Poker in the rear"

Cincinnati has the charming Liquor Quicker

Don't kill a sacred N00b, eh? There is a hell here whether you like it or not.

≡ Click to see image ≡
We're here to protect and serve.
Have you been served?
*brandishes cocktail shaker, hands out cigars*

Where's the women?

mygothlaundry is a women.

≡ Click to see image ≡

I want to be the Minister of Candy.

BTW, Minister of Candy is the real power behind the throne, and as such, I am appointing Frisbee Girl as Secretary of Underpants.

My pleasure, Madame Minister of Candy! I solemnly swear to uphold the duties of this office to the best of my abilities.

*preens and adjusts foil underpants*

Minister of Culture in da house! I claim the jukebox for the republic! And I shall forever be its keeper! (Though the Honorable Mr. MC shall be my deputy when I have to go take a pee.)

Rats! We're too late by six months.

That's it, I'm getting a home computer.