HET MET SETS WET BET

I seem to remember this from somewhere:
KING KONG GOES TO HONG KONG FOR DING DONG OVER PING PONG

Kaz Ishii, the only straight baseball player in the state of New York, wagered that he could find his way out of a wet paper bag with a chainsaw.

The paper bag was still being prepped at press time.

Dateline, New York City. The last remaining non-gay baseball player on the New York Mets team has contacted bookies to place a wager of one million dollars on the probability that a tsunami will strike the coast.

OH THE HUMANITY? BLIMP-FIRE INANITY

oops.

A classic one about the outcome of a Scottish football match:

"Super Caley go ballistic, Celtic are atrocious"

Doesn't rhyme, poetic nonetheless.

KING KONG GOES TO HONG KONG FOR DING DONG OVER PING PONG

An orang-utan with an exceptional talent for table tennis receives a phone call to join a major tournament in China. Or something.

HET MET SETS WET BET

New York - In a decision fraught with controversy, a local man decided today to wager his life savings on a little-known sport known as "Dolphin Racing." This game, traditionally only known in warmer climes such as the Carribean, has been recently transplanted to New York by a keen investor. AJ Sports and Recreation, LLC recently finished construction of a $7.8 million indoor arena and filtration plant (as the building is simply a massive water tank). Similar to horse racing, people place bets on the speed of champion dolphins, hoping that their dolphin will score a win and garner massive winnings.

The man, a well-dressed Manhattanite, commented "Just because a guy dresses well, doesn't mean he's gay. Haven't you ever heard of being a 'Metrosexual'? And just because the stereotype of straight men is that they only bet on horses, doesn't mean I'm gay either!"

SLACK ATTACK: SACKED HACK WHACKS BACK

SLACK ATTACK: SACKED HACK WHACKS BACK

A dsigruntled New York City cab driver, fired from his job last week, showed up unexpectedly at work and set upon his boss with, of all things, a Slinky. He beat him soundly for several minutes with the toy, but fortunately did not cause any injuries, as the Slinky had lost most of its spring.

STAID MAID FRAYED SHADE

COST TO THE ECONOMY OF COLOSTOMY ATROCITY

WASHINGTON, DC -- Longtime White House Chief of Housekeeping Services Harry Settatestis was abruptly dismissed after what authorities describe as "equipment issues" in the Lincoln Bedroom, resulting in the destruction of an antique lamp fashioned by Abraham Lincoln's grandmother. In a brief conference today, Settatestis, hired during the Taft administration, admitted to trying to clean the lampshade with a high-powered vacuum.

Couple more:

BEHOLD: OLD MOLD SOLD

DOUBLE BUBBLE TROUBLES HUBBLE

BLAIR, BEAR SHARE AIR FARE

SLUM MUM, HUMDRUM BUM BECOME CHUMS

GUYS DESPISE SURPRISE GOODBYES

THICK CHICK NICKS FLICK

Stop the presses.