artphoto by splunge
artphoto by TheophileEscargot
artphoto by Kronos_to_Earth
artphoto by ethylene





Mecha Wiki

Metachat Eye


IRC Channels



Comment Feed:


21 June 2005

Quick! Somebody say something funny! It's an emergency!
Soylent Green is people?

; >
posted by amberglow 21 June | 20:02
A man walks into a bar. It hit him in the head.
posted by arse_hat 21 June | 20:04
(it's on right now--TCM)

Ok--What kind of wood doesn't float?
posted by amberglow 21 June | 20:04
I give.
posted by mudpuppie 21 June | 20:08
posted by amberglow 21 June | 20:14
what's the emergency?
posted by amberglow 21 June | 20:15
The only woman I ever loved turned out to be a fire hydrant.

I feel all dead inside, but at least the head is FANTASTIC.
posted by PinkStainlessTail 21 June | 20:15
*makes armpit farts*

For the love of God, live!
posted by jonmc 21 June | 20:18
Oh yeah, what did Princess Grace have that Natalie Wood could've used?

A good stroke.
posted by jonmc 21 June | 20:20
Why do cherry trees smell?
Cuz George Washington cut one!

Why do peanuts smell?
Cuz George Washington carved one!

courtesy of 6 yr old child
posted by maryh 21 June | 20:20
: >
posted by amberglow 21 June | 20:23
What’s 6 inches tall and does nothing?

The Terri Schiavo action figure!
posted by arse_hat 21 June | 20:37
A baby seal walks into a club.
posted by mr.marx 21 June | 20:43
What has 75 balls and screws grandmas?

posted by jonmc 21 June | 20:47
Your family so poor your bologna only has a first name!
posted by amberglow 21 June | 21:18
i do love that line, mr. meyer
and bingo was his name-o
posted by ethylene 21 June | 21:25
yeah, well, your mama so old she got Jesus's beeper number.
posted by jonmc 21 June | 21:27
Look, mudpuppie....Tom Cruise killed Oprah!

≡ Click to see image ≡
posted by iconomy 21 June | 21:37
thank you, icon oh my icon
posted by ethylene 21 June | 21:39
iconomy, you rule. Take a nickle out of the glove box.
posted by arse_hat 21 June | 21:46
iconomy wins!

posted by amberglow 21 June | 22:17
wrong, andy wins.
posted by puke & cry 21 June | 22:49
and then whoever he got it from wins. and so on.
posted by puke & cry 21 June | 22:50
iconomy -- thanks very much.

posted by mudpuppie 22 June | 00:12
a guy walks into a room, catches his son masturbating, the guy says, "son, don't do that, you'll go blind," the kid says "dad, i'm over here!"

posted by amberglow 22 June | 00:44
Why don't sharks eat clowns? They taste funny. Thank you very much; I'm here all week. Try the veal.
posted by Doohickie 22 June | 07:40
Later, waiter!
posted by Hugh Janus 22 June | 08:47
Something funny!

I suspect I may be too late, however.
posted by dg 22 June | 08:59
Very animatedly tell someone that you just heard a really hysterical knock knock joke, and ask them if they want to hear it. Of course they'll say yes, and then you excitedly tell them to start. So they say "knock knock" and you ask "who's there?", with a look of breathless anticipation on your face. The expression on their face when they realize that they don't know what to say next (and that they've been had) is great.

Stupid? Yes. Fun? Yes. Kids love this.
posted by iconomy 22 June | 09:25
Once there was this kid named Butt Itches and he went to the store and then he went out in the street and he was hit by a car and his mom came running out of the store and she yelled "Oh oh my butt itches! My butt itches!"

via a 6 year old girl & long since decided on in my household as the best joke EVAR.
posted by mygothlaundry 22 June | 09:50
They'd just laugh at me. And then I'd cry.
posted by ethylene 22 June | 10:10
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman rob a bank. They are being chased down by the cops and they duck into the back garden of a nearby house. Spying a shed they run to conceal themselves inside. They spot three large sacks and decide to climb inside and wait until the heat is off.
Moments after they have hidden themselves a burly policeman opens the door to the shed and sees the three sacks propped up amongst the garden tools. He walks up to the first sack containing the Englishman and gives it a sharp kick with the toe of his shoe.
"Woof!" barks the Englishman.
"Hmmm, a dog. Well, there's no need to look in there then" says the diligent British bobby and moves to the second sack which he kicks with his other boot.
"Meow!" mewls the Scotsman.
"I see. A cat. Well, I'm after armed robbers not animals abusers so lets try this last sack and I'll be on my way." He swings his baton at the last sack at which point the Irishman, having heard the other two shouts "POTATOES!"
posted by longbaugh 22 June | 11:17
A Polack goes to the eye doctor, who sits him down on the exam table, covers his left eye, and tells him to read the second line on the eye chart.

"M Z F P O"

"Okay, how about the fifth line?"

"P X M A S L V W"

"Fine. Now try the seventh line."

"W C L W C Z S N... Read it? Hell, he's my next-door neighbor!"
posted by Hugh Janus 22 June | 11:26
A minister, a lawyer, and Michael Jackson were on a lifeboat fleeing a sinking ship. As the ship was going down, they noticed some children still on the ship's deck.

The minister said "We must save the children!"
The lawyer said "Ah, screw the children!"
Michael Jackson's face lit up and he said "Do we have enough time?"

posted by sisterhavana 22 June | 12:12
I can't stop watching Tom and Oprah. Thanks, iconomy!
posted by deborah 22 June | 13:08
How do you make a little old lady yell "fuck"?

Have another little old lady yell "bingo"!
posted by Specklet 22 June | 15:59
How many Spaniards does it take to screw in a lightblub?

posted by blag 22 June | 17:09
wrong, andy wins.
Afraid not. I don't even read his blog.
posted by iconomy 22 June | 17:44
A man got a phone call from his doctor. The doctor says, "I've got some bad news, and some worse news. Which do you want to hear first?"

The man thinks for a moment and says "The bad news."

"You've only got twenty-four hours to live."

"Oh my God. That's terrible. What's the worse news?"

"I should've called you yesterday."

So the man dropped dead.
posted by box 22 June | 18:22
Lame question d'jour: || Lions rescue kidnapped girl