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As seen on

Sixteen things about Wendell from a recent MetaChat thread:

1. refers to somebody else's list and is really stupid out of context.

2. I have always been rather neglectful of my cars, and they have usually punished me for it.

3. Ditto for my body.

4. Perhaps the greatest field botanist of all time, Wendell's feats may astound you. Wendell's low-frequency pulses are as loud as 188 decibels - louder than a jet engine - and can be detected more than 500 miles away. Wendell can see up to 800 metres on a clear night.

4. I'm still surprised that there are some people who have never heard my "James Dean Story", because I'm getting tired of telling it.

5. I am now living in my "If I could live anywhere in the world" place.

5. I'd rather be a webcartoonist than a blogger, but I really need to improve my drawing/Photoshop skills.

6. My only appearances on television were (a) on a Los Angeles newscast, doing a "ground-level tightrope walking act" and (b) on a PBS fund-raising auction during which Casey Kasem yelled at me to sit down.

7. My other greatest "brush with celebrity" involved Robin Williams making fun of what I was wearing by calling me the name of a great dead gay tennis player (another story I've told too often).

8. After a few telephone-intensive jobs early in my working life, including answering the phones for a radio talk show, I now really dislike telephones.

9. I prefer to carefully pre-plan my spontaneity.

9a. Like others above me, I have freaked out before a Meetup.

10. But I am generally more outgoing when I'm cold sober.

11. I am allergic to peanuts, but not life-threateningly so.

12. I have had MeFi crushes, but always ended up competing with quonsar for their attention so I just gave up.

13. My childhood athsma helped keep me from ever taking up smoking (and prompted both my parents to quit).

14. I try to be very deliberate in my collection of "things"... for example, the only Spongebob merchandise I own is a Spongebob sponge.

15. "Wendell" is not my birth name, but originated in an Embarassing Story My Parents Told about picking out my birthname (another overtold story).

15a. My all-time most Embarassing Story My Parents Told was about me having a hernia operation at the age of 5, then showing everybody at the hospital the stitches.

16. I am going to organize an All-California MetaFilter/MetaChat/MonkeyFilter Meetup here in San Luis Obispo that will be Barney on "How I Met Your Mother" would say... DARY!!!

The following "things about me" were written by user on a webcomics forum who has become my Personal Nemesis. They are, obviously, not accurate. If they are not funny, please remember that I did not write them. If they are funny, please remember that they are about ME.

Wendell is wanted for the attempted murder of the English language. If you see him, do not attempt to apprehend him yourself. He is considered verbose and extremely garrulous.

Wendell has seen a purple cow, and knows the hellish memory of its fiery gaze.

Wendell's last words will be, "The Joy of Cooking! It's a cookbook!"

Wendell drove a tank, held a general's rank, in the Swiss Army.

Wendell was an understudy to Mr. Ed.

Wendell was painstakingly assembled entirely out of the shattered dreams of youth.

Wendell broke the sound barrier, and spent a week in after-school detention for his trouble.

Wendell can tear a phone book in half, but only three pages at a time.

Wendell dreams of one day owning his own flea circus.

Wendell must not be fed after midnight.

Wendell is divisible by zero.

Wendell lost his position as head writer for "My Little Pony" after the controversial "Donkey Show" episode.

Wendell swore to one day return, and when he does, 7-11 will never be the same again.

Wendell can see into the future, given enough time.

Wendell is the tunnel at the end of the light.

Wendell, given infinite time and an infinite number of typewriters, will duplicate the entire works of Jim Brown.