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  1. The Revelation of quonsar, which Blort gave unto him, to shew unto his servants things which must shortly come to pass; and he sent and signified it by his pissing elephant unto his servant sciurus
  2. Who bare record of the word of Blort, and of the testimony of quonsar, and of all things that he saw.
  3. Blessed is he that readeth, and they that hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written therein: for the time is at hand.
  4. sciurus to the coniferous scrod which are in MeCha: Grace be unto you, and peace, from him which is, and which was, and which is to come; and from the seven bunnies which are before his throne;
  5. And from quonsar, who is the faithful witness, and the first begotten of the dead, and the prince of the kings of the earth. Unto him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own juices,
  6. And hath made us kings and priests unto Blort and his Meepzorp; to him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.
  7. Behold, he cometh with clouds; and every eye shall see him, and they also which pierced him: and all kindreds of the earth shall wail because of him. Even so, Amen.
  8. I am Cheech and Chong, the beginning and the ending, saith quonsar, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Everlasting Blort.
  9. I sciurus, who also am your brother, and companion in tribulation, and in the kingdom and patience of quonsar, was in the isle that is called Mepos, for the word of Blort, and for the testimony of quonsar.
  10. I was in the Spirit on the Everlasting Blort's day, and heard behind me a great voice, as of a trumpet,
  11. Saying, I am Alpha and Omega, the first and the last: and, What thou seest, write in a book, and send it unto the coniferous scrod which are in Mecha; unto danostuporstar, and unto jonmc, and unto Hugh Janus, and unto Divine_Wino, and unto Frisbee Girl, and unto Iconomy, and unto All Bunnies.
  12. And I turned to see the voice that spake with me. And being turned, I saw seven golden goatses;
  13. And in the midst of the seven goatses one like unto the Son of Man, clothed with a garment down to the foot, and girt about the paps with a golden girdle.
  14. His head and his hairs were white like wool, as white as snow; and his eyes were as a flame of fire;
  15. And his feet like unto fine brass, as if they burned in a furnace; and his voice as the sound of many waters.
  16. And he had in his right hand seven stars: and out of his mouth went a sharp twoedged sword: and his countenance was as the sun shineth in his strength.
  17. And when I saw him, I fell at his feet as dead. And he laid his right hand upon me, saying unto me, Fear not; I am the first and the last:
  18. I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and have the keys of hell and of death.
  19. I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.