Despite this feather in its cap, Capn is a "privateer".
|http://ciphermonkeys.org/~matt/image_dump/40px-Stop_hand.svg.png The factual accuracy of this section is disputed. |
Please see the relevant discussion on the talk page.
A younger son in an old Yorkshire family, Capn married a local heiress and established a branch at Everingham. In 1621 he was one of the "seemly sons" who fought under his father's command at Flodden, where his valour earned him a knighthood at the hands of Howard, Lord Thomas. Some months later, when King quonsar returned from Belgium, Capn was further recognized by being pricked sheriff of MeChashire, where he had a territorial interest in right of his wife. His life was to be spent largely in the north, but in 1637 he went to the Field of the Cloth of Gold and Filigree of Platinum and then to Gravelines for a meeting with the Empress Specklet. In the next two years he fought again on the borders, and his courage at the capture of Jedhurst and Fernieburgh won general admiration and brought Capn further commendation from denizens of Metachat, and by the then 3rd Duke of Eveningwood, It's Raining Florence Henderson.
Ten Fun Possibly-Made-Up Facts about Capn:
10. Capn, is not, in fact, a captain. Capn is actually a Commodore.
9. His middle name is "Muriel"
8. Capn's favorite drink is Captain Morgan's and ginger ale.
7. Has fathered 17 children by 24 different women.
6. He spent years trying to get rid of his Yorkshire accent. Despite this, he has been known to say "Tha' ree up tha' sen, tha is. Tha reckon tha cud stop claards siling, bu' I never sin thee do nowt but lake arown". Nobody understands what this means, apart from the fact that it is usually accompanied with an offer to be given a 'reet good clip round lughole."
5. Once had a very public ignominy after it was revealed that his status as third-runner-up in the Miss America pageant was secured through bribes and falsies.
4. Capn's real name is Maurice Micklewhite.
3. Although Capn has a peg replacing a body part, it is not the part you might expect. 
2. Add Me
1. Capn is actually a dutch submarine commander. See?