Rap Battle

I. Preliminary skirmishes

<mullacc> From my grades, to my lines you can't touch mullah cc I'm a mathlete, so nerd is inferred, but forget what you heard I'm like James Bond the third, sh-sh-sh-shaken not stirred

<mullacc> - I'm mulla cc! The second c's silent when I sneak through your door. And make love to your woman on the bathroom floor. I don't play it like Shaggy, you'll know it was me. Cause the next time you see her she'll be like, OOH! MULLA CC!

<mullacc> mulla cc gathers groupies like a fx trader swaps euros for rupees. what?

<trondant> I do forex/I get mad sex

<tone_loq> platinum amex

<trondant> don't touch the gold spandex

<trondant> and my cuisine is spicy - Tex-Mex

<tone_loq> your mom? she's my ex. kicked to the curb. my nerd skills can kill at twenty paces, up my sleeves i have all the aces.

<trondant> you're blown away in the fagina joe's races

<mullacc> i'm sick of all these hoes, i'm gonna crash their party like windows

<hellbient> i'm sick of all deez hoes, i gonna take my ass down to...

<trondant> blue screen of death, my dick on they breath

<hellbient> Fagina Joe's!

<ikkyu2> Well, I see them every night in tight blue jeans

<ikkyu2> In the pages of a blue boy magazine

<viachicago> Can we prz have a rap battle?

II. Rap Battle Proper

<wimpdork> RAP BATTLE!

<hellbient> go.

<trondant> if the ho promise not ta tattle

<viachicago> Yuss! With the BFFs as the panel of judgez.

<hellbient> send her out with the cattle

<trondant> I'ma milk ya cow, don't axe me how I'm keepin it all and walking tall

<viachicago> Who is entering this IRC rap battle? Please make yourself known.

<hellbient> I'm drinking soy juice, join me and make it deuce

• trondant puts his hand up in the air

<hellbient> you can tell I'm entering...fa fa fresh

<ikkyu2> I'm the IRC battlin' fiend, mudders get madder when I drop the 1-2-3, i'm the original definition of the emm emm oh arr pee gee

<mullacc> on IRC, I flow like a river. My skilz like arrows from Legolas' quiver. What? You want to step to me? I rose up in usenet, son, and I ain't about to j-run.

• Eideteker just don't care.

• mmo crowns mullacc king nerd

<viachicago> Hellbient, Trondobot3000, laccy, ikkyu,

<mullacc> c-s-to-the-s, the myspace page is hot. Your busted facebook is not. This is how I roll

<viachicago> Um, do you want proper rapping namez?

<trondant> I'm up in your JAMBOX, God damn the Red Sox, said 'hell no' to detox, in the boudoir you're putting on those lacy frocks

• kop is now known as FreshKingOfP

<ikkyu2> i drop kops and pop pops like a kernel; when i drop bombs with aplombs i murder y'all's livejournal

<viachicago> Yes. Prz to be giving yourselves rap namez for this battle.

<viachicago> OMG I have a favorite already. This isn't good.

• trondant is now known as t-ron

<ikkyu2> if it please the court and those assembled, I should enjoy being known as the hype doctor

• kop is now known as StabMasterArson

<viachicago> Hype Dr it is

• StabMasterArson is now known as kop

<mullacc> meesa drop some rhymes on jooz. y'all ain't ready to come to the dark side. When my flow stops, obliterate me. obviate me, Naw son, don't worry, you can't hope me.

<viachicago> Wimpdork, SassHat, are you ready? The battle is about to be on.

• SassHat is in love with the rap battle contestants

<SassHat> I'm a judge? I wanted to be a rapper!

<viachicago> OH! YES!'

<SassHat> that's MY DREAM

<viachicago> You may rap!

<SassHat> sweet

• SassHat is now known as MC-SassHatch

<viachicago> omg this is the best idea ever I have had.

<t-ron> aw yeah

• lilywing has joined #bunnies

<viachicago> Lilywing, proceed with caution. A rap battle is about to go down.

<hellbient> pretty sure it was my idea.

<t-ron> hey yo lily right now we're real silly

<ikkyu2> oops upside your head knocks your brain out of kilter; I could set it right - except I'm reading MetaFilter

<lilywing> excellent

<viachicago> A rap battle? Srs? My bad. Your credit. Proper, hellbient.

<lilywing> I wish I could cut loose and play, but I've been being a mom all day

<viachicago> You just laid down a rhyme right there, lil!

<mullacc> that wasn't a rhyme

<t-ron> she's a poet and doesn't even know it!

<lilywing> damned straight

• wimpdork is now known as WimpChecka

<t-ron> the doc is in, the doc is out, what is there to care about? He gives the herp to the perp straight in the eye.

<hellbient> name/rapbient

<hellbient> okay fuckit i'm MC Hellbient

<hellbient> rhymes with rapbient

<viachicago_> Okay, what the eff ever. Let's battle.

<viachicago_> From now on wimp & I are judging your every rhyme

<lilywing> I'm MC Lily and I'm down with the rhymes; I got more poetry than New Yawk's got crimes

<viachicago_> !

<t-ron> t-ron needs a peeber, cheap beer fever. One trip to the cooler by the coolest, I'm only dissed by the foolest

<Eideteker> NY ain't got crimes; your misconception's a shame. It's obvious you've never been, and you live somewhere lame.

<hellbient> ooooo! it's on!

• Eideteker is now known as MCSkatNat

<MC-SassHatch> You can't stop the SassHatty

<MC-SassHatch> If you try bitches you know I'll get nasty

<hellbient> I LIKE RAP! IT"S NOT CRAP!

<t-ron> try the bitch, get the switch

<MCSkatNat> But let me tell you something bout the En Why See; just take a look at the honeys; it's the fly place to be

<MC-SassHatch> kickin it old school without superstition

<MC-SassHatch> IRC Rap fools wanna cyber well here's my position

<lilywing> En Wye ain't got nuthin on here; cops come and get you if your outside with a beer

<MC-SassHatch> ikky he's the sticky does it alone not wit me

<mullacc> Eideteker thought he was smooth, setting slash-topic on the channel. His style stinks like jomc and pips humpin' in flannel. What? I feel like an animal, spending g's--I'm incomparable. My threadless tee is unwearable, but my snark is right.

<MC-SassHatch> daddy's a bad lad, a sad fad, no one wanna get with that.

<lilywing> baby's daddy can't come across with the moneys; he's too busy gettin' new rides and honeys

<MCSkatNat> Your snark's all wrong, and your rap is not strong. You're an old fool, but you don't know old school. You got sold, you drool, and you brush your teeth with doggie stool.

<MC-SassHatch> eid got nothin that I want to taste, that sucker wouldn't let himself get to first base.

<MC-SassHatch> T-ron's got nothin going on, he spend his money on p-r0n.

<MCSkatNat> First base with you? Don't make me laugh. What you got don't compare to my hand, not by half.

<mmo> i can't rhyme for shit, and i don't care, cuz i just beat the piss, out of some swedish fuckiere!

<MC-SassHatch> Gee sorry N@ that your hands on the mend, callous and corns because its your girlfriend

<MCSkatNat> I can see it's real quiet, you suckers must be stuck. If you can't rhyme on the fly, you're stone cold outta luck.

<t-ron> OMGWTFBBQ, didja even think was I was done with you? You transgressed, so you gotta pay. For the rest of your life MC-SassHatch is known as Doris Day.

MC-SassHatch is known as Doris Day.

<mullacc> sucker moderators better run. I wear my sass like a hat when I lay it down on N@. Yes, I rhymed a symbol, I know you're dull, but I hope you can keep up. Or else my crew will raise up at the next meetup

<MCSkatNat> At least my hand's touched a man within the last several years. And it's a much cheaper date, the way you suck down the beers.

• WimpChecka puts her judge-face back on

<MC-SassHatch> at least my gal Doris never had thirty dicks, keep your distance T-Ron cause I hear your smell sticks.

<MCSkatNat> Mulla CC, you sass is limp. I heard your ass got sold by a three year old pimp.

<MCSkatNat> You got no skills, you got no rhymes. Shit, go back to jerking off to the NY Times.

<MC-SassHatch> NYC bitches better slow down punk, you got the same charisma as jonmc when he's drunk. NYC best not step to TO, or the SassHatchery will have to smack down on a ho.

<MCSkatNat> The underwear ads from Pennys and Sears are the most pussy you've seen in years and years and years

<t-ron> T-ron once had thirty meaties but he gave them up cuz he loved the beaties. no way you can rap with that much cock, you're too busy fuckin' all the block.

<hellbient> when you were little your wait for the bus,

<hellbient> fukc

<hellbient> was longer than the bus.

<hellbient> cckfu

<t-ron> For the love of the musics, I gave twenty-nine di-hicks

<t-ron> match that fo love!

<WimpChecka> Ooh, hellbient fumbles

<tone_loq> pass the mic!

<WimpChecka> http://wimpdork.com/rapbad.jpg

<MCSkatNat> I can see hellbient sputter as his flow starts to fail. His fingers are moving like the ten retardedest snails.

<MCSkatNat> You know what, son? You best sit your ass down. When you grab the mic, you look a straight clown.

<MC-SassHatch> what they didn't say in the wiki, or tell you on the telly is that T-Ron's thirty dicks were the size of jelly bellys

<MC-SassHatch> he got them removed and nearly blew a gasket, and next year Mullacc will get T-Ron's cocks in his easter basket

<MCSkatNat> I could give you notes on how to rap, but you'd probably wipe with them next time you crap.

<mullacc> O RLY? Your style is wack. SRSLY, if that's how you mack, I'm going to leave now and not look back. NO WAI, I just love my hoes. I won't leave til my flow runs low. Viachicago, rocks her jambox as my rhymes go.

<lilywing> I quit smoking two months ago and I'm still fucking mad; I do all you all the boys like [insert name] is a cad

<t-ron> rodeo clowns are tough fuckas selling meth. Mess with them and you're courtin' death

<lilywing> (grr.. .should be I'd)

<mmo> I incinerate suckers like gas in my hummer, now sit down and get your learn on, before you get more dumber

<MCSkatNat> Appealing to the judges? What a lame little trick. Wimpdork should smack you about with her dick.

<t-ron> how many boys were done here?

• viachicago cannot stop laughing

<lilywing> t-ron: all of 'em

<MCSkatNat> Smack yo mama, smack her in the mouth. You know how happy she gets when she goes down south.

<MC-SassHatch> How many boys were done Tron? I dunno maybe we should ask your moms!

<t-ron> When judges in the contest it's less than best. We need objective outsiders to bless this mess

<lilywing> holy crap, there are judges?

<viachicago> Sass is not a judge. She removed herself to battle.

<MC-SassHatch> don't hate on the judges cause your skills for shame, maybe it's about time you dipped out of the big kids game

<MCSkatNat> Yo mama likes sucking on all trondant's dicks. She sucked down my seed like it was Pixie stix.

• Nucleo has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer�)

<viachicago> Well, obv, we will also judge by how loud the crowd screams.

<t-ron> what MCSkatNat says is true that lady took on the whole crew

<mullacc> her dick? I got like thirty and none as dirty as your rhymes. I hope what you come up with next is your outro, cuz I hate your flow like mudpuppie hates cilantro

<tone_loq> is that so? why're my balls still blue?

<MCSkatNat> Oh, look. Your weak ass rhymes scared off NucleophilicAttack. Can you yet take the hint your rimescheme is wack?

<MCSkatNat> Best lay the fuck off fore you catch the real test. I think this rap battle will prove I'm the best.

<t-ron> Nucleo left right after you rapped, so look in the mirror King Asshat

<MCSkatNat> The most, I'm as prolific as shit. When I step to the mic, my rimez just won't quit.

<MCSkatNat> While you sucker sit and think up your next shitty rime, I grab the mic and make two in that time.

<mmo> ghost ride your whip, ghost ride your whip, ghost ride your whip, ghost ride your whip

<t-ron> true to his name, MCSkatNat plays his game, like tubgirl he's a fountain of shit shootin over the plain

<MC-SassHatch> N@ can't spell I guess that's just as well, smart kids know that Rime Scheme was the crime scene of Eid, he's more of a word butcher than ashton kutcher

<t-ron> and a serial cereal-pusher

<tone_loq> in fact I just turned up the AC a few notches 'cause I was getting chilly.

<mullacc> hold on a sec, I'm lookin' up this dreck. the wiki says your shit is icky.

<MC-SassHatch> Loq pumps up the AC and hes rolling high class, I hear that dude's nipples could cut glass

<MCSkatNat> Sasshatch: Was that iambic pentameter, or an anapest? I think it's time that you confessed. You got no flow, white girl be wack. Just got a big mouth that talks too much smack.

<MC-SassHatch> He runs out with the white girl diss when he's gotta admit that he's run far amiss of the mad skillz he tried to replicate, I gotta say here Eid it's time to rhyme, not hate.

<tone_loq> WTF? sorry, i think that siouxsie file is corrupted.

<MCSkatNat> I don't need to diss on you, Sassy little hat. You lack of skill shows itself for a fact.

<mullacc> eh, you win. i'm bored

<MC-SassHatch> Hey listen up, know why they call him N@? There's an insect of the same name and Eid's hung like that.

<MCSkatNat> You're doing the work for me, every time that you type. I could just sit here and watch you go up in flames like thermite.

<mullacc> i can't eat ice cream and try to think of mean things to say. my ice cream has no bones.

<MCSkatNat> Sasshat spends all her time thinking about what's in my pants. She's just upset to know she ain't got a chance.

<hellbient> that file was corrupted, my inner ear experience got interrupted.

<MC-SassHatch> Daddy's ice cream and N@'s game is the same, no bone in the middle, it's a lowdown shame

<viachicago> Someone is getting serrrrrrrved...

<MCSkatNat> Sass wants to lick lovingly on my ice cream cone, but she can't so she sits all alone

<hellbient> is it me? I'd love to get served!

<MCSkatNat> Coming up with wack rimes that have no meter or skill. It's time for her to swallow this bitter pill

<WimpChecka> I want to be soft-served

<MCSkatNat> And admit that everything she says is a joke. She doesn't even make it to the mic before she chokes.

• t-ron starts up the machine

<lilywing> we all choke on the mic

<MC-SassHatch> Your cone's so soft they serve it in a dish, stick a fork in it cause it's floppin like a fish.

<mullacc> Take some hat, add a little ass. Yes, it's crass, but it you want that, you got a SassHat.

<MCSkatNat> Foot in her mouth she gnaws on her toes. I can't even count her as a

<MCSkatNat> foe

<MCSkatNat> Foot in her mouth she gnaws on her toes. I can't even count her as a worthy foe

<MCSkatNat> (wtf, mIRC?)

<MCSkatNat> Sass, it's only limp in your hands, my dear. Your face could turn priapus queer.

<mmo> my eyes is crooked, i can't see straight. seriously fuckers, it's way too late.

<hellbient> okay, i'm gones like ice cream bones...

<MC-SassHatch> They call you skat for a reason, your crap rhymes should be treason, you call me out but which one of us is pleasing

<mullacc> rap is not much fun without racism, homophobia and misogyny

<MCSkatNat> Why don't you just admit that you've lossed? With your every line my salad is tossed.

<mmo> word, nigger.

<t-ron> It's time to end the battle, shut down the prattle, send the survivors to Seattle to tattle to the cattle.

<t-ron> This is getting old, the trophies are sold, fortune favas the bold but you leave me all cold.

<t-ron> Back to bein #bunnies with the funnies and the punnies.

<MC-SassHatch> quality not quantity, McSKat Nasty, you want to win so bad but you're coming in lasty

<MC-SassHatch> and now I'm done

<MCSkatNat> Your tongue's up my ass and each line pushes further in, why don't you admit you love lettin' me win?

<hellbient> fa fa freesh

<lilywing> oh my!!!

<MC-SassHatch> the only thing hiding up your nasty ass is the thing you lost, what is that called? oh yeah, class.

<lilywing> at the anal tonguing and all...

• t-ron is now known as trondant

<MCSkatNat> My speed on the mic makes you look like a trike, you're a kid with a big wheel and it makes you feel all nervous and shit, as my rhmyes are legit and yours ain't but shit so why don't you quit?

<trondant> yeah

<trondant> he lost me there

<MC-SassHatch> your speed on the mic is like your performance in the bed, if a girl wants a pleasing from nat shes better off dead

<trondant> if yer gonna do the analingus, don't be a dingus

<WimpChecka> Okay, everyone: http://wimpdork.com/rapgood.jpg

<trondant> WimpChecka, I'm out, baby

<viachicago> Popular vote? You guys were so ill.

<trondant> whores de conteste

<MC-SassHatch> all he ever wants is for his salad to be tossed and trust me all the ladies tell N@ to get lost

<WimpChecka> Yeah, well, it still applies

<WimpChecka> I think we have a draw

• MC-SassHatch is now known as SassHat

• WimpChecka is now known as wimpdork

<MCSkatNat> Better off dead, that's a laff, cuz your grandma just called. When she dies, she wants a copy of my johnson installed ni her coffin so often she can go straight to heaven

<wimpdork> The judges have deemed all your rhymes both dope and fresh