Disposing of human remains on my lawn! This is weird, I admit, but I think it's good, right, and funny AF. It's a long story. Even longer than this one. I'll skip the tedious parts. →[More:]

I am in possession of someone's cremated remains. Most of them. Two people took a small amount in ceremonial containers but I am left with the rest.

I loved the guy but I really don't need another unnecessary thing in my house. How to dispose of them?

He really wasn't in love with the town he grew up in so I don't think taking them there is a worthwhile trip.

He lived in another city for most of his life but it was where he lived and not really a place he had a great attachment to.

What to do?

The other day I went out for a long bike ride in the early morning hours before the heat hit. I did 40 km and came down the ally and hit the garage door opener and rolled in. I saw the answer in front of me. It was there all along.

He was a chemical engineer and worked as a formulator. He pulled bulk chemicals and dumped them into big mixing machines to make industrial and consumer products.

A long time ago someone wrote a comic book about a guy who fell into a vat of chemicals and emerged as The Toxic Avenger! Around 1983 or 84 Troma films made a low budget movie by the same name.

Since around 1997 this guy had some variation of the email ToxicAvenger@.

As I entered my garage I saw a bag of CIL Golf Green fertilizer. It's old. I gave up the whole lawn care thing a long long time ago. But, I know for a fact he made this stuff. This very bag of it. He pulled the raw materials and then mixed them and sent them for packaging.

It just all gelled in that moment.

I will combine his ashes with the fertilizer and I will distribute them across my lawn.

He would be thrilled and he would laugh his damn ass off.