Lots of 'So' in there, so sorry, lol.

Well; 2020 is going like very fast; as in I keep remembering things from the past; most recent was a trip through some YouTube vids to kinda pep me up; and well OK; the whole Buggles Video Killed the Radio Star thing was like 1979; and that was a big wow of um; ok. Forty years ago.
It might be blues; or something like that; but I've felt my mortality lately; and the temporal aspect of life. It has been a weird; and at times, very, very sad sensation/emotion.

****not homicidal, not suicidal, not now, not ever.**** - but I am getting kinda tired of every damn mental health thing out there all but getting stuck on that question; and then the subsequent OMG OMG OMG you have guns!@@@!!! followup QnA items. I mean, like; uh. I have a .22 plinker (kept unloaded, in a locked hard case; and separate from any ammo); Henry had a program so a person could choose their own serial number; so I got my name, and 2018 following it; as a pseudo commemorative of my wtf Afghan time via my military thing. Which ends in three more weeks as I complete my 20. Freedom at last. My precious mind is so ready - four more days at 'work' end of month; and then out. :) But anyhow; call a mental feel better line; and they all but freak out about a .22 single shot. That, that is disturbing. So; I have had to call them back and simply say I no longer have it in the house. I feel like to call about some blues; and to confess to having a .22 rifle in the house; is like getting on some weird Orwellian list or something. It is all the nut stuff; that the nut stuff gun nut stuff people seem to warn about. I mean; like; ok; I have to learn to legitimately lie. Uh, not ok. Eh, whatever. Stupid would be a less mild way of expressing that I suppose.

Anyhow; 2020 is here; and I am looking forward to either getting a nice easy calm job making not a lot; or to getting a good job; stressing and churning my way to good pay. Walmart type work; or bank/math/investment stuff seem to be the options.

I am looking forward to a week or two of absolutely nothing; as I did the same as a sabbatical of sorts ten years ago; and this year will also herald the completion of a retirement of sorts.

I hope the world stays as calm as possible; our early 21st century is shaping up to be an unimaginable mess so far - never before pictured levels of poverty, homelessness, housing costs that are into the violative budget area for too many families; yeah. Never imagined this would be our world in 2020.

Senyar; I'm going to buy some grapefruit in a can next grocery trip; in the past pineapple has always been sunshine in a can for the winter months; can't wait to veg out on some canned grapefruit. :)

Best and calm for a new year is the goal for me.

I got hit by what I assume is a head cold a couple of weeks ago, and it's still with me, having also evolved into a big sinus infection. I've been dead on my feet for two weeks now. The cold keeps jumping back and forth between my head and my chest, and the antibiotics I got for the sinus infection are working very slowly. On a positive note, at least the junk I've been blowing out of my head has gone from a disturbing shade of green to a more pale yellow.

That's a notable way to start y'alls years: getting rid of the "gunk" and moving to the future free from metaphorical crud. Symbolic.

I've simply been hanging on as my Mom's dementia worsens. I am always on alert for the next bit of chaos. My brain feels dead mostly.

We are due for the first really cold weather of the year with a few lows below freezing. I'm kinda looking forward to it; but I am a softie who puts on gloves when it's in the 40's... bundle up time is here!

Sorry to hear about your mom, mightshould. That's a really taxing situation to be in. I wish you all the best and am sending peaceful thoughts your way. Is your mom in a facility yet, or still at home?

Hugs to the bunnies facing all those tough things.

2020 is off to a dichotomous start for me. I'm working hard on emotional growth and stability in therapy and that's going well. I'm feeling better than I have in years. But meanwhile, work and family are both very unpleasantly rocky and problematic. i'll spare the grisly details, but they're no fun at all .

In the meantime, however, it is a snowy winter evening and I'm traveling home on the train from a visit with some of my dearest friends. I had a cup of tea and I'm warm and sleepy and calmly contemplative in that train-travel way. And looking forward to getting home my partner and kitties. So all is well where it counts, which is right now right here.

It was fun to see you in NY, Senyar!

Thorzdad. Thanks. Mom's still at home for now. I have no authority/ability/power to get her into a facility until she has a major problem and ends up in a hospital first. She's still considered an adult with autonomous agency until then. She refuses or is incapable of listening to any reason to get assistance.

If I wasn't looking out for her she'd be somewhere already so I am either helping or making it worse; other than she's happiest in familiar surroundings of her home. It's complicated.

I've been in your position, mightshould. It frustrating and worrying, to be sure. Not to turn this into a dementia thread, but, do you have a POA over your mom? Is there a POA at all? There are some definite steps you can take to assure your mom remains safe. Feel free to MeMail me if you'd like to talk.

We welcomed the new year as we usually do by watching BBC 1 and 2. That way the new year comes at 7 PM and my wife doesn't fall asleep before. As for the new year itself we are mostly just trying to get caught up with last year and finding new patterns to our days.

Days after the new year a grocery store tried to give us a free Alexa. That was a no.

My wife took on a new job in October and she is doing great. We are getting used to the new schedule. Caspar, the new cat I think I mentioned several months ago is doing well and is a mostly very good boy but we have two new cats. One feral and one indoor. We are working out those new relationships. Last year had a lot of deaths and this year looks like it will too (people in their 90s and people with terminal diagnosis's).

Hugs and hope to you all and to those close to you.

(Re:guns. I had a 22 single shot pellet pistol when I was young. This past spring I thought of it and went looking for a CO2 pellet pistol. Damn. About 15 years ago a friend bought one and it was clear plastic and bright orange. Now they ALL look like real hardware. They are licensed designs from S&W and Glock and so forth and some even have a slide that does blow-back like the cartridge ejection of a real gun. I just wanted to plink at an empty can, not get shot by the cops. Bastards.)

Let's see. On the Saturday before US Thanksgiving, I got married! Family and friends from all over the world were there!

But during the trip out to celebrate with us, my mom was feeling tired and didn't have much appetite. She saw her doctor as soon as she and my dad flew back. And found out she had a big honking tumor in the tail of her pancreas. So I instantly flew to Montreal.

My mom managed to come down to dinner for the last time on Christmas. A couple of days later we had a hospital bed set up for her in a sunny front room, and that's where she died a couple of weeks later. We were able to get good nursing help to keep her at home. As lives end, my mom's was a calm and relatively painless one. But there has been some difficult family fallout, and that's been vexing and sad.

I just got back from Montreal a few days ago, and I'll be going back in another week to help my dad and brother organize the memorial. Now both my husband and I are in the throes of a particularly rotten virus: a couple of days of aching and shaking followed by more days of coughing, mostly at night.

Even so. The sun's been out on and off yesterday and today; and the garden is, miraculously, still producing tomatoes after a month of neglect; and there's a wonderful Afghan takeout place nearby, so I think that's what we'll do for dinner.

Oh tangerine, I am so sorry. I'm glad your mum was able to experience the joy of your wedding. But how bittersweet those memories must be for you now.

tangerine, that is quite a mix of emotional things to deal with in so short a time. I hope you all get some time to heal this year.

HUGS, tangerine.

Holy shit tangerine, that is A LOT. All the hugs for you.

Hugs and whuffles for anyone else who wants them, as well.

Tangerine, I'm so sorry. My brother died of pancreatic cancer and Fuck Cancer.

wedding! exciting! I'm glad your Mom got to celebrate with you.