It's an X-Files episode.....

About this time of year a big writing spider (or it's offsping) creates an impressive web at my mom's front porch; thankfully, not at the walkway. We consider it fortunate because it's a perfect Halloween decoration.

I have made a deal with the long-legged spiders in the downstairs bathroom; if they stay near the ceiling, I ignore them. They leave small piles of what must be poop and bits of dead bug. The other day, a large brown spider was on the bathroom wall, and I grabbed a book and dispatched it. There are some black jump-y spiders that want to live in my house, but they are biters and must be disposed of. I'm not interested in providing meals.

I've not had many spiders in here this year (or if I have, I've not seen them). There's the usual orb weavers outside, who eat lots of flies. And the back part of my garage looks like something off the ghost train, with hanging webs. But I never go to the back of the garage - I reverse my car in, and get out in the front part of the garage. It's barely big enough to fit the car in anyway.

For indoor spiders, I don't want to kill them, but I don't want them near me. I have one of these Critter Catchers, which is brilliant, and it really does work. It's also good for catching moths, daddy long-legs (crane flies), harvestmen and the occasional bee who finds its way in.

I try to keep a pact with spiders. Outside the house is theirs. Inside is mine. We're still negotiating over the garage.

A couple years ago I had this huge spider very quickly adorn the door I mainly use to go out-- and when I say huge I mean you think you're ok with spiders but WHAT IS THAT HOW WHAT--

I'd say the body was bigger than my thumb, I guess?

Anyway, we came to a quick detente where I pruned its attack my head strands back and let it stay and there commenced a charming double act where I would get the door at night and it would immediately run out-- it wasn't just size but speed, the fuck you vigor of the thing was so impressive it's no stretch to say it had charisma. It was like the perfect goth accessory. Watching delivery boys lose their nerve as fast as an unplugged drainpipe was a rare treat. Sadly, the need to get in and out with ease was the unavoidable end to our relationship because it was vigorous in all things, leading to more firm rearrangements.

I know it's probably dead and for bug control I'd do better cultivating bat friendships. Still, that spider had charisma.

Senyar, do you keep one of those Critter Catchers in the car?