Feeling guilty about not going on the March →[More:]
In solidarity with the Women's March in Washington, there's a march in London on Saturday afternoon. Lots of people I know are going, but I've decided not to, and I'm feeling really guilty about it.

I've been on my share of marches and protests in the past, and every time it's ended for me with an anxiety attack. I hate crowds because I'm so short (under 5ft) that all I see are people's backs. I can't see where I'm going, I can't see what's around me, or if there's danger around.

I can get a bit panicky on the Tube sometimes when I'm crammed into a packed train carriage. The last time I freaked out in a crowd happened a year ago when I went to the 'Festival of Lights' in Central London and the crowds were so vast that it was impossible to navigate the streets. It was awful.

I'm worried that, if the march is very crowded and the police decide there's too many people, the marchers will be 'kettled'. This would not end well for me. Even without my worst nightmare of kettling, I think it will be too busy for me to be able to navigate the crowds and I'll have a panic attack.

I feel as if I'm letting people down - particularly friends who are going on marches all over the world. But on the other hand, I also feel I need to take account of past experiences and not put myself in a situation that is unlikely to be a positive one for me.