Update from twiggy: it's always darkest before the daw... oh hai there dawn!!!!
Thought you guys might like an update on super good news!!! →
[More:] Coming back to my senses after almost a year mostly manic, it was apparent that I'd trashed big swaths of my old life. Some of them needed trashing, but I'm not in the most stable position to start the descent from manic to mostly sane.
Regaining stability has a component of humbling oneself that's like anti-mania. My boyfriend today used the phrase "asking for help with something that's bigger than me."
I was always trained not to ask anyone for help and my folks used money to retain their access to abuse me after I grew up, so asking has been hard. But, I've made myself ask for services from a local mental health center, among other places. They offer a psychiatrist, a therapist, a case manager, and help with housing. They try to get people who are only a few months away from SSDI/SSI likely being approved (almost five months and counting on that bundle of red tape taped up with red tape), but who are struggling with massive instability. Kind of helping me climb out of these cracks I've slipped through.
I was accepted as a client today!!! This is huge, as they are full service and thus have funding for only a few people. They really made sure I was a good candidate, too. Picture the rigor of a Google-type job interview, but all about my challenges and how effort much I'm willing to put into addressing them.
Thanks for the warm welcome back. It's hard to keep holding on to the idea that people really do care if I'm around, so I hope the occasional update is ok, as it helps me keep the sense of connection with you guys.