I'd do it. I'm a pretty good reader, so I'd probably do a David Sedaris type "performance" and read some stories aloud, likely accompanied by a Power Point display of illustrations or art.

Yes. I would perform anything short of surgery, self-mortification and ritual suicide, including rock ballads, rap classics, country standards, lewd acts, and sundry abominations.

In my dreams I play the Waldstein.

Sure, why not? I could play my clarinet and/or read some poems. I get nervous performing, but it can be fun.

(I miss you, HJ : )

They wouldn't have to pay me, I'd do it for free. I'm a ham. I'll sing, I'll do skits, I'll tell jokes, whatever. I'm a ham.

Phfffttt. That is nearly a job description.
An appropriate, informative lecture filled with multimedia comedic notes, all rigorously fact checked and terribly on point and topic. It's like a comedy bully pulpit with unavoidable knowledge transfer.

Then every time I pause or drink water, there's big pictures of the Bees with her pupils all blown wearing a jaunty outfit.

Or narrating random images collected from the audience without my previous knowledge.

Or making phone calls for people in the audience.

Wait, do I like or care about the audience? Because if I don't have to milk them for cash, it's a different story.

I would definitely do it.
Not sure what I'd perform, probably a comically bad dance or song since I am terrible at those things but am not embarrassed to have people laugh about how awful I am.

Blues guitar, of course.

I can't sing, cannot act; can dance a little.....heh

I have gotten over my fear of public performance but have few talents. Of course I'd do it since the only ones suffering are the audience!

Sure, I'll play a tune. My biggest audience was 2300 people and some TV. I refused to believe there were more than 500 in the crowd at the time, though.

I've done stand-up comedy (never got past 'Open Mic Night'), but you can imagine the pun-fest I could put on (IF allowed to have notes to refer to). Two 'bits' I've done to some positive response were (1) the 'Blind' Slide Show, stolen from the late Jackie Mason ("I have pictures from amazing places, but they don't have a projector, so let me try to describe them... this is the ticket booth for the Taj Mahal; I was surprised they copied the design from Disneyland... here is our guide reminding us to watch out for quicksand - and here is the top half of our guide - and here's our guide's hat") and (2) Cutting Down the Act ("I actually have 3 hours of material, so I went on tour just to cut it down to 10 minutes... I started at the #1 comedy club in Alaska, the Club Baby Seals, where I decided to drop the jokes about my parents, drop the extended robot mime bit, drop the Nicolas Cage impression and drop my pants... And after a few more stops, I got everything down to 10 minutes - and that was it, thank you and goodnight.")

Observational comedy. Might not win the day; but it would fill the time.

I'd perform for an audience of about 1000 for any reason. I love to be alive before a crowd. What? Right now maybe a 5 minute rendition of Rebel Without a Cause.

I am nervous in front of a crowd (even the friendly, receptive crowd at the Piano Bar) but I would definitely do it if it was for charity. I'd probably sing a few songs that I love - starting with Losing My Religion, because it has a range of only about three notes and so that'd get me warmed up.

I'd also like to do some kind of funny talk with a slideshow projection. I saw a comedian (no idea who, but I think he was famous-ish at the time) do a hilarious performance involving slides of owls in a nesting box. After the first two minutes he barely had to speak because once he'd established the owls as the centre of the comedy, each new slide prompted waves of laughter that went on for ages. Knowing my luck, each slide would be met with silence ...

I could play my mandolin (badly, which is the only way I know) or I could recite a handful of Shakespeare sonnets (those are handy to have in your back pocket, especially #116 at weddings). With a little advance warning I could probably dust off some ancient tap-dancing skills. If my audience doesn't mind, I don't mind.