Windows 8, you are kind of stupid
My new-to-me (off lease) Lenovo laptop came with Win 8, and doesn't perform well. The maintenance in progress indicator has been on all day. So I go to www.update.microsoft.com, which unhelpfully tells me
Find Windows Update using your Start Screen Swipe in from the right edge of the screen, then tap Search.
If you're using a mouse, point to the lower-right corner of the screen, then click Search.
Enter Windows Update in the search box, tap or click Settings, and then tap or click Install optional updates.
But I have disabled the swipening because it was incredibly annoying. Yes, I was able to go to control panel and choose update, but srsly, Microsoft, this wasn't helpful at all.